AIBU asking DM not to pray for me

[Felinefancier]

My DM aged 92 is very religious, an anti-vaxxer and doesn't believe in Covid.

I'm just getting over Covid and when we last spoke, she asked if she could pray for me. I said yes, but the 'prayer' was all about rebuking Covid and me for believing in it.

She also berated me for not taking lemon and garlic at the onset of symptoms, because that would have cured me in days.

I haven't seen her in person for over two years. I'll be visiting the city where she lives this weekend.

I know she's not going to change, but she probably doesn't have long left for this world, I want to see her but I find her criticism-disguised-as-prayer deeply offensive.

AIBU to ask her not to pray for me as a condition of my visit?

You are my type of person @VeganGod

We need to buy a Euromillions lottery ticket for Tuesday 3rd May. @Felinefancier We need you to ask your 92 year old witch mother to summon pray for us to win the jackpot. When we win hundreds of millions Mumsnet can open many Mumsnet pubs, one in every major city, where the drinks will be free for all mumsnet users 😀

@duvetdayforeveryone Thanks, had a right good laugh 😂

It would be fair to ask her not to tell you she’s been praying for you but utterly ridiculous to ask her not to pray.

DowntonCrabby · 25/04/2022 11:09

It would be fair to ask her not to tell you she’s been praying for you but utterly ridiculous to ask her not to pray.

I don't care what she does in private I just don't want her to pray for me, out loud, in front of me.

I'd br tempted to hang up the phone or walk out the room but I understand if you don't want to risk damaging your relationship with her at this stage in her life.

If you asked her not to do you think she would actually stop?

She is 92yo. When she starts just do an internal eye roll, think ‘here she goes’, turn off your listening ears and think about your shopping list/meal plan for the next week or try and plan suitable birthday/Xmas gifts for loved ones/friends in your head. At some point she will finish, try and have a normal conversation and yell at you to snap you out of it.

I do this all the time when people are rabbiting on about rubbish. Couldn’t tell you what they are saying.

I've been asked in a few situations if someone could pray for me, I usually say something like "Thank you, but I'd rather you didn't". Nobody has ever had an issue.

If it's on the phone just do a wordle until she's finished. If it's in person, go through a shopping list in your head. Or I have a go-to daydream where I'm a pirate. She won't mind you glazing over, she's doing it for herself not for you.

I know from experience with similar close relatives, you will get nothing - absolutely nothing - from trying to confront her or asking her to stop or arguing or defending yourself. Your only choice is to endure it or don't see her/speak to her. In my experience

Hehe snap, I cross posted with this

Could you ask her to save the prayer for the end of your visit (so she can include any transgressions you make during the visit), then have your bag at the ready and just leave as she starts (to give her privacy).

I'm a Christian and I pray for everyone, in private, and for good things to happen to them. I just don't get the point of praying for someone and insulting them at the same time! Prayer for others should always come from a place of love, and should always be done with the intention of lifting that person up and wanting the best for them. What she is doing sounds like religious abuse. Like she is using prayer as a means of shoe-horning your (perceived) short comings into it? That's horrible and so manipulative! YANBU

I'm Catholic, not a great one but I do light candles for ppl. Eg, my DHs cousins baby was born prem so I went and light candles for the babies health. So I have a bit of religious understanding/ leaning. But what you mam is doing is nuts! No way would I sit there and listen to her.

It is an awful way to try and disguising way of trying to criticise you too. Tell her you'd prefer she pray in private. If she starts up leave the room.

I'm not sure everyone on the thread understands what you are describing.
What she is asking is 'can I now have a 5 minute monologue where I slag you off, then say Amen' and call it a prayer ... is that what it really is?
Often, when people ask to 'pray for you' they mean 'quietly, in their own head, when you are not there'. How about she gives that a go for a change?

Alternatively, you could do the same right back at her 'dear god, please make my interfering old biddy of a mother shut up for a change and actually listen to me. Amen'

I think I would be inclined to say 'You can pray if you like, but you can do it privately when I'm gone.'

Although given that she's 92 and you haven't seen her for two years, it sounds as if your relationship is barely existent anyway, so it probably doesn't matter what you say to her at this point. It's not actually going to matter if you offend her!

Ok this is not on. I originally meant don't bother asking, now I think don't bother
Visiting.

Respond with your own prayer about people being filled with love and compassion instead of being judgemental, critical and rude

why don't you suggest she read Matthew 6.5 - “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."

A true insight into the world of perpetual offence that you now get offended (and "uncomfortable") about a 92 year old praying for you

I don't know how this can be actually serious

I think you are more concerned about her covid views than the praying, if you were honest

Tell her to pray for herself as she's an evil witch who will be likely to be judge very soon.

Or just walk away.

I would ask her not to do it in front of you because (and I would call her out on this) 'you are just using it to have a go at me'. If she starts anyway then leave - walk out and leave her to it. If it is on the phone then hang up. Then she can speak in tongues all she wants.

If there is a God he must have to listen to an awful lot of shit from nutters.

My Mum is 99, and I've long given up trying to argue with her over anything - its a pointless task. She's not religious but she does claim things like 'your sister's fourth child looks nothing like her or his 'father' because he was born in France and French people are small and dark haired.' So he somehow caught 'French' in the womb. Yeah, right Mum that's the reason, keep telling yourself that.

I think Greydog hits the nail on the head; referring back to Holy Scripture can be a very apt reminder.
I was going to suggest that, when the diatribe begins, you could say something like, "I wouldn't like to intrude on a sacred moment, so it's probably best to let you carry on", then leave, or hang up, as appropriate.

If she asks in advance, you could reply that you see prayer as a private matter.

Perfect!

Maybe we ought to start a thread about batchit crazy old mothers 😇

Have you actually read the thread? OP is bothered because this ‘praying’ seems to take the form of unfair criticism aimed at her disguised as prayer.

Would you be ok with someone criticising your life every time you had contact with them in person or over the phone? Or would you say something? Personally I wouldn’t let it go, it’s not acceptable, even if she does go to the trouble of disguising it in a prayer. 🙄 If you want good relationships with anyone, you have to be tolerant of how others live. If you’re not, and keep criticising, it’s likely you’re going to have a crap relationship with that person through one feeling a sense of duty or no relationship at all.

I think she’s very fortunate that OP hasn’t cut her off already. And age is no excuse for pulling this sort of shit.