Losing respect for unemployed dh

[whatisforteamum]

Dh has been made redundant again for the second time in 3 yrs.
The first time he enjoyed the freedom and took 3 months doing what he wanted while I worked and helped him find work.
I introduced him to recruitment sites as I'm well versed in applying for jobs and despite being in his late 50s he wasn't.
So 2 months ago he lost this other job.
Obviously it hit him hard as it was out of the blue we the got coronavirus and some DIY on the house cost us dearly which has dragged on too.The GP gave him some advice on mental health and he won't take it.
When I mention it he gets defensive.I advised keeping a structure of waking up which he isn't doing much either.
I don't get why he isn't that bothered to look for work while I'm doing 12 or 13 hour days.Im not paying his share as he has savings I'm just frustrated by his attitude as we both don't earn much.
I can't see how we can continue like this and resentment is building.
I know he is in his 60s but getting out there must be a priority surely a retirement is a few years away.
Pls tell me I'm unreasonable if you think I am as I don't understand.

I am 62 and do a variety of casual jobs - never had a problem getting paid employment - luckily I do not need to work but enjoy it.

Is your dh claiming job seekers allowance - it is non means tested for the first six months.

Is he a good driver? Could he retrain as a Driving Instructor? At 62 it is hard to go back in a working environment were you start at the bottom and have no control. Driving Instructing is in demand and you are your own boss. It’s not easy especially the training but it is a rewarding vocation. Automatic instructors are in high demand. If he is interested in this though avoid the big schools, don’t pay big chunks of money upfront and research local independent ORDIT trainers in your area. He can do part 1 by himself self study, part 2 some instruction maybe necessary and part 3 at least 15 hours instructions from an ORDIT trainer. Many instructors work well into their seventies on reduced hours too because they enjoy it so much.

www.gov.uk/guidance/become-a-driving-instructor-ordit-trainer

I'm a small business owner with DH and I'm the youngest in the place at 51!! We have no issues employing older staff, in fact it would always be a choice over someone younger due to their skill sets and life skills. Our newest employee is our van driver (unskilled) and he's 62.

I'm sorry, but being depressed is a standard MN "get out of jail free" card for shitty behaviour. You can't live on thin air, and he's laying all the pressure firmly onto you.

Just got this from another thread too looks interesting

www.gov.uk/government/publications/find-a-skills-bootcamp/list-of-skills-bootcamps

How old were you and what is your freelance business?

You're not being unreasonable, exactly, but I don't think you're being very understanding either. Apart from anything else, Ageism is alive and well in recruitment and many potential employers are seeing his D.O.B and dismissing him based on that alone. I've also watched my DD jobsearch during covid and it was soul destroying for her. Most companies no longer even send a 'no thanks', and that just added to her feeling of worthlessness. I was made redundant at xmas too, due to covid, and even though I knew it was unavoidable, I still felt low and very unlucky, despite knowing I had skills that would help me find a new job fairly quickly (they did). How about this? jobhelp.campaign.gov.uk/finding-work-when-50-and-over/

My dh worked in a factory or production line type job.
He is applying to be a superstore type delivery driver.
I'm quite hopeful today he has been put forward to the next stage.
He has told me he is stressed,he knows going through menopause has been really unpleasant at times yet has seen me push on.
I think there have been jobs he could easily do yet he is so picky.
Money is money after all.

Yes, money is money but you also have to be realistic.

Production jobs in factories are bloody tough on the body and not something you can do forever - the same applies for lots of manual work and if that's where your experience lies, you can really struggle in later life unfortunately.

Don't be too hard on your DH. He's not at an age where it's easy to find work and although nobody on MN likes to admit it, your body does slow down and it becomes harder and harder and to work full-time, especially if you're on your feet or doing lifting etc. all day.