To want DH to clear up after himself?

[Palease]

Am I freakishly tidy and unreasonable or is DH lazy?

eg, baths kids and their clothes are still on bedroom floor a week later (kids are 4 and 1). Bath toys still in bath. Finishes a bottle of Coke and leaves empty bottle on worktop. Puts jumper on the stairs, still there 2 weeks later. Opens a letter, leaves it on the worktop. Oh and on. Is this something that would annoy you (YANBU) or is this just family life (YABU)?

When DP does this I gather it all up and put it on his side of the bed. Living with someone messy is not just family life; it’s not an unreasonable expectation to use the bin, the washing basket, the dishwasher, etc.

Saying it would annoy me would be the understatement of the year. I could not live this way, and actually, I would be livid that my husband has so little respect for me and our home. He clearly sees you as the mum and/or skivvy. I would put my foot down over this absurd laziness. If the two of you don't work this out, it will ruin your marriage. The resentment you feel will grow to a point that is unmanageable.

My 'D'P is the same. Empty coke bottle on the side. Goes to the shop, doesn't put the groceries he's bought away, leaves carrier bag on the side. He doesn't seem to understand the concept of a bin. Brings things in out of the garage that he's going to sell, they're then left there for months on end. I could write a book.
Unfortunately it's come to a head with me recently and we are no longer on speaking terms because after a zillion discussions nothing has changed and to be honest I've had enough of it.

I've tried dumping his stuff altogether in a pile for him but he just leaves it there until i cave and sort it.

Is your OH a pampered mummy's boy? Because that's definitely the issue I'm dealing with.

This is exactly how I feel and where we are at. It does build up over time and cause massive resentment.

That’s a good idea but he’d then blame me for being aggressive.

If I raise these problems with him he’ll then rack his brains to find an example where I left something out and didn’t put it away.

He doesn’t leave them for me to do, he just doesn’t care I don’t think.

@Aquamarine1029 yes the resentment is massive right now. I don’t want him
to come anywhere near me sex wise.

Yes @everylittlehelp5 he does this with a shopping bag. Just takes out the thing he wanted form the bag and leave the bag and contents there. What the fuck?!!! He makes out like I’m unreasonable by saying this is lazy.

Hes not close to his mum, so I don’t think it’s to do with her. Not sure what you mean by a “mummy’s boy”.

I simply couldn't live with such a person.

I would find it infuriating and tedious.

But then, I just would not put up with it beyond about a week at the very start of the relationship.

Have your husband read this. This is exactly where the two of you are headed.

www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288

I don't want to take over your thread. I honestly could list a thousand things that I put up with. It riles me even more when all I ever do is constant housework and cleaning. I can be mopping the floor and he'll walk across it in dirty trainers. Couple this with the fact that I have two lazy, untidy teenagers at home as well, I just feel like I'm fighting a losing battle.

I've let the resentment build up over time and I think myself and my partner are probably about to go our separate ways because of this.

Imo he is leaving the stuff you mentioned to make a point.. He bathed the dc. He shopped. He dealt with the post. He wants a badge for all of these Very Important Tasks you know...

Ahh I’m so sorry. This sounds a nightmare.

I just don't understand people that put up with/enable inconsiderate/slovenly behaviour at the start of relationships and then it dawns on them a bit later how intolerable it is.

Ditto parents that raise useless and lazy kids and are amazed that they become useless and lazy young adults.

"Empty coke bottle on the side"
"I don’t want him to come anywhere near me sex wise."

Different orders-of-magnitude issues in your relationship ??

"kids are 4 and 1"

If they are more-than-four-handsful, could this be the start of the discussion to progress both issues together ?? :-)

My DH said the aggressive thing. I said "Yup, and when I ignore something so basic you've requested from me over and over again with empty promises then you can be aggressive too". We both knew I wouldn't treat him that way so he will never get his chance to be "aggressive"

Your DH is lazy.

Do you mean because I don’t want sex he’s not being arsed about being tidy?

The worst one was last week I noticed he’d opened a block of cheese, used it and put the cheese back in the open packet in the fridge without sealing up the open end. I said to him don’t you realise the end will go hard unless you put it in a bag or clingfilm. He just shrugged and said he didn’t really care. Fuck me.

he won't change op, there's nothing in it for him. It will just grind you down over time. Either get counselling so he can see from an outsider that he is being a dick and putting his marriage in danger or start thinking of leaving him. My health, both physical and mental, is absolutely shot because of living with someone like this. I thought I loved him enough to be able to handle this life. But nobody can, or should. Make a decision to change and stick with it.

I’m like this! I don’t do it on purpose and actually it frustrates me that my house is always a mess (I live alone so at least it doesn’t impact on anyone else!) but it’s not a conscious decision to leave things lying around or not complete a task, I tend to get distracted part way through doing something and turn my attention to something else and as soon as something is out of sight it’s like it’s out of mind. So like with the shopping, I might take out what I need to cook, start cooking and then forget about everything else and then as soon as I leave the kitchen it’s out of sight put of mind. Sometimes even when I go back in the room with an unfinished task or uncleaned up mess it’s almost like I don’t process it, I might see the shopping bag but my brain genuinely doesn’t make the connection that it needs to be put away because it’s only focusing on the task I’ve gone into the kitchen to do such as make a drink. I guess it’s sort of an issue with multi-tasking, if I’m thinking or one thing it’s like my brain just doesn’t even consider the other things that might need doing. Sometimes I’ll be stepping over something I’ve left on the stairs for a week and it might be really in the way and annoying but genuinely I don’t even think to pick it up even though it would make life easier if I did! I can’t really explain it but it’s not a conscious thought it deliberate laziness, I think it is just a failure to process it. I am trying to be better and to be more aware of mess but it is really hard and if I’m at all stressed or distracted I fail. I am actually awaiting ADHD assessment as I have a lot of traits and so I’m wondering if this might be part of it.

What I’ve started doing to help me is setting an alarm for each evening where I then make myself go into each room of my house for 2 minutes and look around and complete any missed jobs such as putting packaging in the bin, picking costs or shoes up from the middle of the floor, putting laundry in the wash basket, wiping surfaces etc. If I don’t set an alarm and go into each room purposefully I won’t remember to do it, although I admit even then I sometimes get distracted by other things and don’t make it round the whole house! I wish I was a person who was naturally tidy because being in a messy space definitely effects my mental health but I just don’t seem capable of maintaining it!

Been there. Divorced now. Never changed.

Buy a lock box for your fresh food and leave the mouldy stuff to him.
I wouldn't be sleeping with such a fucker either.

I actually think we have the same OH.

I divorced a man like this. Living without him is absolute and utter bliss. I sing and dance and smile found my (tidy) house now. Having experienced the two I would never ever live with anyone like this again. It's just constant negativity, resentment and bitterness versus happiness and peace.

"Do you mean because I don’t want sex he’s not being arsed about being tidy?"

I was wondering, as both issues appeared on the same mn page, whether there is an underlying cause, maybe the "kids are 4 and 1", that might start a discussion which would help the relationship.

Kids lead to household-untidyness. Kids lead to no-sex. Maybe ??