AIBU to want to be a discreet pooper? (lighthearted)

[Lovemypeaceandquiet]

NC for this, but I couldn’t help myself to ask if I’m the only one.

I don’t like people to know when I’m popping.

As in, I don’t like to make it obvious - let’s say I can’t just get up and go for a longer toilet break and then come back to the room full of people knowing they know I’ve just been for a number 2.

So I time my toilet time for when no one is around.

For example I’ve got guests staying over this weekend, so I woke up before everyone else to use the downstairs toilet.

Alternatively, I wait for everyone to wake up and go downstairs, so I can use the upstairs bathroom before taking a shower, so the lengthy stay in there is justified by something else than taking a 💩

Even when it’s just me & my husband in the house, I choose the furthers bathroom away from him!

I know it’s a natural thing and everyone does number 2, but it makes me uncomfortable to think that someone knows exactly when I do it 😬

I'm with you OP. Have to do it before a shower if sharing a bathroom.

I'm astonished at how many people (women) seem to suffer from this disorder - and that it's just so widely accepted. This sounds like a widespread MH crisis that's just gone completely under the radar for years.

So then, we have:

Women understanding that it's unacceptable for anybody to know that they, like all other humans, poo (or even fart), and going to great lengths, discomfort and probably future health problems caused by holding it in for long periods - even when there are numerous purpose-designed private facilities close by and available for their use;

Women often expected/conditioned to wearing very pointy high heels, which can cause pain and inability to walk comfortably at the time and also shore up bunions, permanently shorten tendons and cause other foot problems long-term - often justified because women are usually not as tall as men, which is clearly an intrinsic 'fault', and thus need to 'make up the difference' to be acceptable;

Women (not all that long ago) expected to wear tight corsets all the time, because they are required to be impossibly thin - thinner than a normal healthy woman - to be considered acceptable; as for a woman, being very very thin was universally understood as more important than being able to breathe properly, sit down comfortably and not keep fainting;

Women expected to wear make-up by default - not just as a matter of free choice - often told to by (male and female) bosses, and often shamed or told they look ill if they don't; as a woman's natural face is far too ugly to be seen in public otherwise, especially when one of the main jobs of a woman is to look pretty at all times;

Women realising that it is a disgrace to look the age that they actually are - multiple expensive 'anti-ageing' creams must be bought and used slavishly and natural grey hair is NOT acceptable until you're 70 and officially invisible and can be pitied as having finally given up trying;

Women knowing that the faintest hint of any hair on their body other than on their heads and (minimally) eyebrows (even just 'peach fuzz') is disgusting and must be removed instantly on a daily basis to avoid making other people want to vomit.

Meanwhile, men are free to just concentrate their Big Important Minds on running the world....

No one cares.

Seriously.

No one gives a shit that you're taking a dump.

It's so disappointing to see how many women inconvenience themselves to the point of hospitalisation over the idea that having a shit is somehow not a dainty way to behave.

Anyway, I have IBS so when I have to poo there is about 30 seconds warning between my arse contacting my brain to let it know, so the luxury of Toni g is somewhat redundant.

*timing. Fuck you, autocorrect!

When I have to go I have to go...but i really dont like people hearing me wee or poop so i add a little toilet paper in first to 'stop the plop' sound. Not alot you can do if theres accompanying wind which is so embarrassing! Ironically my moniker is Windypants ! 💨😳