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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pushy parenting AIBU

44 replies

OMsportsdilema · 23/04/2022 21:25

So...

Feels like a bit of a shocker, what do you think?

DD has been chosen to play a school sports competition. Was at training yesterday with the local team who are running the competition for the local schools. Coach kept some older ones behind to ask them to join make a team and join the competition as a few teams have dropped out.

OM (other mum) asked what the coach wanted... I explained. She made an excuse of leaving something on the pitch to return and talk to the coach.

OM returned a few minutes later and said DD had been "asked" to play tomorrow.

Her DD was not chosen for the school team, there is no way she would be chosen for a club instead. OM blatantly pushed for her DD to play. Feels like she is piggybacking on the school teams experience and may be quite awkward, especially when the school teacher who chose the team is there.

YABU- the more the merrier

YANBU- this is pushy beyond words

More than accept I should have just kept my mouth shut, but I never thought anyone would do that, i'm what you see is what you get.

For background; it's a very competitive private school both our DDs attend. My DD is very sporty and on all the school teams for the sports she plays. OMs DD is sweet, shy and not very sporty, this is one of the first sports she has wanted to try.

All options please Smile

OP posts:
Moochio · 23/04/2022 21:31

Up to the coach to manage the pushy parents. They don't have to say yes.

mycatisannoying · 23/04/2022 21:33

YABU and it is none of your business.

thistimelastweek · 23/04/2022 21:37

Maybe, just maybe, both you and OM are over-invested.

Original poster
OMsportsdilema · 23/04/2022 21:39

She is PTA (ex) got kicked out for being OTT. She definitely has form. I don't and usually have little to do with most of the over bearing parents 😬. It was more how she said "are we all meeting at 2.45 tomorrow" Hmm

OP posts:
AFineBalance · 23/04/2022 21:39

YABU - why is this a shocker? Nothing to do with you and doesn’t sound like it’s impacting your DD

mycatisannoying · 23/04/2022 21:40

I'm a private school parent too. Maybe being part of the team will be more beneficial to this girl than just winning.
Honestly OP, you are out of order.

FlibbertyGiblets · 23/04/2022 21:41

Lesson learnt - next time you'll say er no idea what Coach is talking to the girls about instead of humble-bragging to a mum [thumbs up]

Luzina · 23/04/2022 21:41

YABU - leave it up to the coach

Original poster
OMsportsdilema · 23/04/2022 21:41

But they won't be part of the team they have joined the opposition, to think from 100 kids 10 were chosen. Loads of the others would have loved to join given the chance- just feels like a sly way of going about it.

OP posts:
Thesearmsofmine · 23/04/2022 21:43

You sound pretty over invested yourself OP! You obviously dislike this woman but this is none of your business.

ZebraScarf · 23/04/2022 21:44

If a few teams have dropped out, the coach may be keen to have more children joining. I don't see the harm in giving another child a chance.

Original poster
OMsportsdilema · 23/04/2022 21:44

To be clear my DD was chosen for the school team not the older team the coach put together. All of the kids know who is on the team as they were invited to try out for a local team, her DD wasn't so she emailed to arrange this too. Not sure how that's a humble brag she asked what the coach said... I told her he is making an extra team for the competition Confused

OP posts:
FlibbertyGiblets · 23/04/2022 21:48

Ah okay, try to not let it dominate your weekend, try to imagine it is one of those things you might think a bit 'off' but shrug and grit your teeth a tiny bit.

Tell us instead about what you plan to do for lunch tomorrow (distraction technique)

ZebraScarf · 23/04/2022 21:49

For background; it's a very competitive private school both our DDs attend.

And you're surprised that it attracts competitive people? Confused

We get it. Your child is picked for every sports team and the other child isn't. I still don't see the harm in letting her try. If she's not very good then surely it's no bad thing that she's on an opposing team?

Original poster
OMsportsdilema · 23/04/2022 21:50

FlibbertyGiblets · 23/04/2022 21:48

Ah okay, try to not let it dominate your weekend, try to imagine it is one of those things you might think a bit 'off' but shrug and grit your teeth a tiny bit.

Tell us instead about what you plan to do for lunch tomorrow (distraction technique)

I was just shocked as I am definitely very naive Confused

I usually work FT and i'm not involved in the sports side much.... perhaps I'll keep it that way! 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
OMsportsdilema · 23/04/2022 21:53

I don't mean every sport team. She only does 3 sports 😂

I guess I thought the kids competitive but thought the parents just leave them too it... I would never think to even ask Confused

Would others ask or not?

Perhaps i'm not advocating enough for DD?!

OP posts:
FlibbertyGiblets · 23/04/2022 21:53

hem hem hem I am trying to distract you with talk of lunch, if I may Grin

Womencanlift · 23/04/2022 21:56

What a bitchy competitive environment you have your DD in. Definitely not something I would want for my child

YABU OP, none of your business who plays on what team

Original poster
OMsportsdilema · 23/04/2022 21:56

It's Ramadan so there is no lunch 😂 😂 😂

Back to work I go... no more sports matters for me 😳

OP posts:
Dinotastic · 23/04/2022 21:57

OMs DD is sweet, shy and not very sporty, this is one of the first sports she has wanted to try.

Well then good on her mum for doing what she can to encourage her new interest. It’s the coach’s decision and has no bearing on your DD (or you!) whatsoever, so YABU.

This thread has given me major flashbacks to my GDST school where the mums would regularly and inexplicably get het up over this kind of thing…

Original poster
OMsportsdilema · 23/04/2022 21:58

Womencanlift · 23/04/2022 21:56

What a bitchy competitive environment you have your DD in. Definitely not something I would want for my child

YABU OP, none of your business who plays on what team

I think it suits a certain temperament of child. DD does very well with it and has a good circle of friends.

I'm too sensitive for it i'm sure 🙈

OP posts:
thistimelastweek · 23/04/2022 21:58

This is a send up right?

FlibbertyGiblets · 23/04/2022 21:58

Oh gosh I have put my foot in it, heck, sorry. Ok, I shall bid you good evening, my lady <tips hat>

NeedAHoliday2021 · 23/04/2022 22:02

If you don’t ask you don’t get. I think pushy parenting is cringey but asking once isn’t pushy. You’ve no idea how that conversation went. I don’t see she did anything wrong here.

XelaM · 23/04/2022 22:04

You are the one who sounds competitive and unpleasant. If the other mum wanted to advocate for her child to be given a chance - so what?! Not everyone has "perfect" children who get picked for every team 🙄