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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How often did you go out with a newborn?

47 replies

dontblamemyhormones · 23/04/2022 14:03

OH keeps on putting me in situations I don't want to be in. Everyday he is trying to make plans with me the kids and his family. I'd rather just stay at home and enjoy this little bubble I am happily in!

We wasn't even supposed to see them again today but OH always says oh "let me know when your home and we can pop round" he always says this!! But they have offered to come here instead which I don't want either.

This is my first time breastfeeding properly as I gave up within days with the other kids. However I don't feel comfortable doing it in public yet.

Am I crazy for wanting to stay at home or did anyone else feel like this? I can walk around in my nursing bra all day and not panic about bleeding on anything. Im so fed up of having plans made for us.

OP posts:

whatsthecraic91 · 23/04/2022 14:05

How old is your newborn? When I had my last baby I didn’t go out for about 6 weeks! We were in lockdown but I’m due in 3 weeks & it will be the same!

user1471481356 · 23/04/2022 14:07

I went out every day with both my newborns. But it doesn’t matter what anyone else did, it only matters what you’re want to do! There is absolutely nothing wrong than soaking up that newborn bubble while you can.

Louise0701 · 23/04/2022 14:08

Everyday. But just because I did it, doesn’t mean you should.
do whatever you’re comfortable with and be firm with you DH about your boundaries.

Magicfeet11 · 23/04/2022 14:09

I had to get out and about everyday. All that mooching around in pyjamas and not having a shower was not for me!
But you do you. Don't let anyone push you into plans you don't want

CrowAndArrow · 23/04/2022 14:10

Was out every day, but you do what you want.

converseandjeans · 23/04/2022 14:11

I used to go out every day. Just made me feel better. But I didn't have to meet up with family or anything. With DS I had a toddler DD who needed to get out so there wasn't much choice second time round.

crackingreward · 23/04/2022 14:11

Don't compare yourself to others, we all do it differently.

Somuchgoo · 23/04/2022 14:11

Everyday from the day we got home from hospital (2 nights both times). But everyone is different.

Etinoxaurus · 23/04/2022 14:12

Every day, but for a gentle stroll to the park, coffee and cake type trip, not visiting. If DH will look after them, relatives can visit if you wish, but I completely understand you want to be at home.

RandomQuest · 23/04/2022 14:12

If it’s not your first aren’t you being forced out to to the school/nursery run? Or do you specifically mean socialising rather than literally leaving the house? DC2 was born towards the end of lockdowns so personally I was very eager to go out and do anything and everything plus mooching in pyjamas is so not me but each to their own!

Theregoesmyhomebirth · 23/04/2022 14:13

We had an onslaught of visitors and trips out with DD and I really struggled emotionally. This time we've limited visitors to one set a day max and I haven't left the house yet (DTs are a week old). So much better. Go at your own speed OP, every woman/postnatal experience is different. I think if I had a singleton it may have been different but adjusting to breastfeeding twins (plus expressing for top ups due to weight loss) means it's a whole different ball game this time.

whosaidtha · 23/04/2022 14:13

You can't expect older kids to be cooped up all day.
I am out and about everyday but it's better for my mental health that way.

Original poster

dontblamemyhormones · 23/04/2022 14:16

I've been out most days this week but I've had enough now if it was up to me I would just take the kids out then go back home.
I will be back doing school runs from next week but I don't mind that.

I'm tired of seeing family really!But my mum is fine and knows what I'm like. But OH texting his family everyday asking what they are up to and if we should pop round ect is annoying me badly.

OP posts:

Yummymummy2020 · 23/04/2022 14:20

I was the exact same on my first in regards of visitors and pressure and was miserable. Second one I had my senses about me and said no way am I playing hostess or visitor unless I fancy it and it was great. Such a difference. You should do what you want to do and what won’t cause you stress, the baby will still be around when you are ready to go out visiting and having visitors, it does not have to be before you are ready!

Suzi888 · 23/04/2022 14:21

Most days little walks, DH had to come though as we live on a hill (slightly) but hard with c sec, pram, dog on my own.

When visitors came, they came to help, some would walk the dog, do some vacuuming, have the baby why I had a nice bath.

Why can’t your DH go out with your other DC and leave you in your bubble. Just have one our two visiting days per week.

DarleneSnell · 23/04/2022 14:21

Stayed home a lot for the first 3 weeks but had lots of visitors to see the baby throughout that time.

After about 3 weeks life seemed to settle down, DH returned to work and I was out and about with the baby on visits/groups/playdates a few times a week. It was my Mat leave so I pretty much ran my own agenda.

I wouldn't want to keep visiting my in-laws at any point tbh, let alone with a newborn, so I can see why you're getting fed up with DH arranging it for you! Isn't he at work?

user3199 · 23/04/2022 14:40

I barely left the house for the first six weeks - in fact I barely left the sofa (feeding issues linked to tongue tie).

I had expected that I'd be able and want to go for walks etc. each day. I had spent quite a lot of time with newborns of family and friends in the past which made me think it was easy to have people round or to go on walks or to cafe etc. What I now realise is that not all babies are like that! And the babies not like that don't get seen because they are not in cafes, friends aren't invited round etc.

I had heard before that in some cultures (China?) the women don't leave the house for a month after giving birth. Thought at the time that sounded repressive. Now think it's a bloody brilliant idea 😂.

thebeespyjamas · 23/04/2022 16:14

dontblamemyhormones · 23/04/2022 14:03

This is my first time breastfeeding properly as I gave up within days with the other kids. However I don't feel comfortable doing it in public yet.

You poor thing. This is exactly how I felt. I 100% wanted to be at home and with my baby. I remember one time it was expected for me to hand the baby over and it really made me feel anxious and sick. I wanted her and she wanted me.

You need to sit and talk with him about how it makes you feel.

Also these things need to be discussed prior to having a baby. We don't take this seriously enough as a society and the results are really harmful for all involved.

We need to remedy this going forward by talking with our offspring about planning their family lives as a priority. Finding a partner who is on the same page regarding this stuff, Going into it blind is simply not working.

linerforlife · 23/04/2022 16:19

Is Your OH feeling a bit bored on paternity leave maybe? Let him know you're tired and want some down time at home with baby, and that maybe he can go to the family visits with the other kids. Every woman is different so don't compare yourself. Also I would say sometimes our hormones being all over the place makes it feel like our partners don't understand when actually we need to be straight about what we need. "I've hit a bit of a wall and want to stay at home, with the baby, for some rest and skin to skin time etc. You pop out still if you'd like to."

DoodleBelle · 23/04/2022 16:23

I think it very much depends on what your baby is like and how your delivery goes. I have a 9 week old with bad reflux who won’t sleep longer than 40 minutes on her own and had a c section. I didn’t leave the house for a week and had no more than 2 sets of visitors a day for the first week or two. I exclusively breastfeed and struggled to get going with it initially. I needed those days hanging out in bed not doing very much.

Don’t feel railroaded in to keeping up with what other people do. Your DH needs to understand the physical and extra emotional aspects of this for you and be more sensitive to that. Do what works for you and your baby.

TheKeatingFive · 23/04/2022 16:24

Everyday. But everyone is different, don't let yourself be pressurised.

mnahmnah · 23/04/2022 16:26

I went out every day from when we got home. But doing things when I wanted to and what I felt able to do. As the person who gave birth and is feeding etc it is your prerogative. I absolutely would not have entertained having things arranged for me and being pressured into visits etc

Gizacluethen · 23/04/2022 16:28

Barely at all. And at first only for little walks or to our local carvery. I wouldn't want meetings with in laws foisted on me!

SparkyBlue · 23/04/2022 16:29

I was out and about everyday with all of mine as it helped me mentally and on DC3 I had preschool and school drop offs and collections so life went on as normal with a newborn but do whatever makes you comfortable

Furrbabymama87 · 23/04/2022 16:37

Every day to be honest. I'd always feel worse cooped up. When I had my first baby I would go for walks and with my others I had to get up and do stuff because I had other kids. With my youngest it was hard to plan much because he had bad reflux but I think if I'd stayed in and given in to the desire to not go over the door I'd end up feeling worse off.

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