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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was she implying that I'm not feeding my child? Is my DD too skinny?

70 replies

About10cupsofteaperday · 23/04/2022 12:17

I met up with a relative who I hadn't seen for quite a while yesterday, we went for lunch and I took my toddler DD with me. She's about to turn 3.

Said relative called me today to check in and say it was nice to see us etc, then she said "I thought DD would be a bit fatter than she is. Are you doing OK for food? We all feel the pinch sometimes, you would tell me if you weren't OK for food wouldn't you"

Bit of a backstory, this relative has what you'd call "no filter" and a history of putting her foot in it, so to speak, so I take much of what she says with a pinch of salt but this has really upset me.

DD eats well and is a very active healthy child. Nobody else has ever implied that she's underweight.

I'll attach a recent picture (I've NC for that purpose) do you think she's too skinny?

So my AIBU's are:

AIBU to have taken offence at this comment and AIBU to think she's implying that I don't feed my child?!

Was she implying that I'm not feeding my child? Is my DD too skinny?
OP posts:
doadeer · 23/04/2022 13:43

She looks perfect.

I think sometimes we lose perspective.

Suzi888 · 23/04/2022 13:47

What @Aquamarine1029 said.
Your child is perfectly fine.

GraceandMolly · 23/04/2022 13:51

Your girl looks perfectly average sized to me. Her legs have some chunk on them, so not skinny at all.

ManateeFair · 23/04/2022 13:59

That’s a perfectly normal sized child. Your relative has weird ideas and no social skills. The end.

tomatoandherbs · 23/04/2022 14:04

She’s 70 OP
Born in 1952. A teenager in the 70s. In her twenties in the 80s

do not excuse her comments against your son with special needs, her comments on your daughter’s weight and generally her outdated and unpleasant views as due to her age.

she sounds unpleasant and seems to insidiously make you question your parenting

i would not be meeting her for lunch. I would not be exposing my children to her views that you regard as “outdated” that I regard as just plain “offensive”

Baileysoncereal · 23/04/2022 14:04

I think people have lost sight of what we’re meant to look like. Same with their pets and themselves. DD is perfect

Original poster
About10cupsofteaperday · 23/04/2022 14:10

tomatoandherbs · 23/04/2022 14:04

She’s 70 OP
Born in 1952. A teenager in the 70s. In her twenties in the 80s

do not excuse her comments against your son with special needs, her comments on your daughter’s weight and generally her outdated and unpleasant views as due to her age.

she sounds unpleasant and seems to insidiously make you question your parenting

i would not be meeting her for lunch. I would not be exposing my children to her views that you regard as “outdated” that I regard as just plain “offensive”

You're right it is offensive, alot of what she says is.

I'm low contact with her for that reason, there's always something she says which causes offence.

OP posts:
LoveSpringDaffs · 23/04/2022 14:20

Your daughter is definitely not skinny!!

your Aunt sounds like she has some MH issues, it sounds like she's trying to help in a very clumsy way. I'd ignore the 'off' comments because she's trying to help & be understanding (even if she's terribly clumsy with it!)

tomatoandherbs · 23/04/2022 14:27

low contact is not having lunch with someone, and bringing along your child!

someone like this I’d be seeing at a Christmas family event or similar couple of times a year, and ensuring my children don’t go near them for fear she will talk about their special needs or weight

now that is my kind of low contact with someone like this

Original poster
About10cupsofteaperday · 23/04/2022 14:28

LoveSpringDaffs · 23/04/2022 14:20

Your daughter is definitely not skinny!!

your Aunt sounds like she has some MH issues, it sounds like she's trying to help in a very clumsy way. I'd ignore the 'off' comments because she's trying to help & be understanding (even if she's terribly clumsy with it!)

She does have MH issues yes.

Some of the things she comes out with are completely ridiculous and I've become somewhat desensitised to it, but the comment about DD's weight did make me wonder whether other people thought there was anything to it.

OP posts:
Original poster
About10cupsofteaperday · 23/04/2022 14:32

tomatoandherbs · 23/04/2022 14:27

low contact is not having lunch with someone, and bringing along your child!

someone like this I’d be seeing at a Christmas family event or similar couple of times a year, and ensuring my children don’t go near them for fear she will talk about their special needs or weight

now that is my kind of low contact with someone like this

Well I see her less than a couple of times a year.

Nothing was said in front of DD.

OP posts:
BOOTS52 · 23/04/2022 14:37

She looks perfectly healthy to me and better than having a toddler who is overweight as so many are and then keep the weight on and never lose it. She is just a nosy so and so and tell her your toddler is well fed and active and thanks for her concern. If she keeps going on just don't bother with her again as would do your head in.

AProperStinging · 23/04/2022 15:50

She has chunky legs and a full face. You really don't need to worry.

tomatoandherbs · 23/04/2022 16:15

AProperStinging · 23/04/2022 15:50

She has chunky legs and a full face. You really don't need to worry.

Is this the aunt?! 😂

picklemewalnuts · 23/04/2022 16:18

Gorgeous dress, OP!

Bedsheets4knickers · 23/04/2022 17:34

I think she meant well to be honest . I know you feel a little bit judged but I'd rather know I had help if needed then having no one to turn to x

thebeespyjamas · 23/04/2022 17:59

Just sounds like someone with no filter and such people you can't take offense from, would be a full-time job. Don't recommend.

Original poster
About10cupsofteaperday · 23/04/2022 18:39

picklemewalnuts · 23/04/2022 16:18

Gorgeous dress, OP!

Oh thank you that's very kind 🙂

OP posts:
Original poster
About10cupsofteaperday · 23/04/2022 18:41

thebeespyjamas · 23/04/2022 17:59

Just sounds like someone with no filter and such people you can't take offense from, would be a full-time job. Don't recommend.

That's exactly what she's like yes, I tune out most of it as like you said it would become a full time job taking everything to heart.

I've heard it all over the years, comments about my clothes, lifestyle choices, what I should do with my children yada yada.

It's funny how some people have no real idea how rude they can come across, and I do believe she doesn't mean any offence

OP posts:
Rory1234 · 23/04/2022 19:31

I have a very skinny child (has inherited DH’s build and metabolism, sadly I don’t have it!) and I get comments all the time from strangers and family alike.

I know he’s fine, we’ve seen a dietician who has advised on his diet to ensue his weight stays up, our GP is fine with it.

so I just give people a very hard stare if they comment. It is annoying.

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