Was she implying that I'm not feeding my child? Is my DD too skinny?

[About10cupsofteaperday]

I met up with a relative who I hadn't seen for quite a while yesterday, we went for lunch and I took my toddler DD with me. She's about to turn 3.

Said relative called me today to check in and say it was nice to see us etc, then she said "I thought DD would be a bit fatter than she is. Are you doing OK for food? We all feel the pinch sometimes, you would tell me if you weren't OK for food wouldn't you"

Bit of a backstory, this relative has what you'd call "no filter" and a history of putting her foot in it, so to speak, so I take much of what she says with a pinch of salt but this has really upset me.

DD eats well and is a very active healthy child. Nobody else has ever implied that she's underweight.

I'll attach a recent picture (I've NC for that purpose) do you think she's too skinny?

So my AIBU's are:

AIBU to have taken offence at this comment and AIBU to think she's implying that I don't feed my child?!

Perhaps she subscribes to this old shool thing where children should all be excessively chubby

No, that’s a ‘new school’ thing going by the number of overweight children these days (official statistics before anyone starts on me).

Don’t give this aunt’s comments any more head space. Your child looks perfect.

Unless she has form for being malicious, I wouldn't take offence to it. She was offering help in case it was needed.

YANBU. Your daughter looks absolutely fine too me - not too slim nor too chunky or anything of the sort!

If YOU don't have any concerns for your child's health (putting shape/weight aside), I really don't think you should read top much into this comment. Maybe speak to the relative and say you're managing okay for food (assuming you are) and that at the moment you don't have any concerns for your child's health. Make it clear that if that changes and you do get concerned, you will seek medical advice for your daughter as soon as possible.

I get exactly the same and answer with I and the health visitor/GP (whoever have seen them last) have no concerns. You know her best.

Definitely not skinny!I speak as the parent of a child who looks practically emaciated.

are you financially struggling Op?

She looks fine and healthy

I was skinny as a dc but got to 50 and weight piled on

Tell to mind her/him own business

The wording was a bit clumsy but lots of people are struggling at the moment and may not want to say. It's always awkward to ask if someone is okay financially but good for her for checking in with you. It comes from a well meaning place.

Just reply “gosh I was thinking the same about you! I can drop off a bag of groceries if things are tight? Let me know”

rude cow!

Those gorgeous legs are not skinny! She looks absolutely fine.

Why would you say this? What if she calls bluff and then you have to go to supermarket, buy a load of groceries for her, spending your money.

bluffing is daft.

No, thankfully we're not.

I had an aunt just like this op, thought she knew everything but in reality didn't have a clue! 😆 Your daughter looks just fine and very healthy. 💐

Your dd looks absolutely fine to me :)

Your child is far from underweight! Don't worry about that.
It doesn't seem like she was trying to upset you, just genuinely concerned. A lot more people are fat these days (and I am their queen!) And many of us have become so used to that that we don't realise how slender kids are supposed to be.

I don't know why MIL's get all the stick, aunts are definitely the CFers IME 😂

Thank you all for your views. I've never had any concerns about DDs weight nor have any of the professionals who see her. Nursery, GP etc.

Sorry if i missed this but does she have her own children

or maybe shes just forgot when they get mobile they lose all their chubbiness
ive got an aunt who likes to say it how it is i literally just laugh and ignore her now

Maybe she regularly sees a couple of children that are of a similar age but bigger than your DD, so was basing it on that. I don't think the remark was made in anything other than a caring pov.

Sounds like she’s just concerned for you. Your daughter is obviously a normal weight……her judgement is probably just a little off. I wouldn’t give it a seconds more thought.

She doesn't have children no, though she does like to give her opinion on how to raise them which is a bit annoying as she has no first hand experience to refer from and is quite clueless.

Some of the things she comes out with can be quite hurtful for example my eldest has special needs and can be hard work, she asked whether I ever felt like "giving him a tap"

All very old fashioned, outdated and irrelevant input where it isn't needed but I think she means well for the most part (tapping a disabled child aside, obviously)

Op seriously
You focus on whether your aunt is correct in thinking your child is overweight rather than her comments re your special needs child.

begs the question, why on earth were you out with her, having lunch and exposing your child to her

She's almost 70, smacking children was commonplace in her day and she was smacked herself. She has no children and no real grasp of how times have moved on. She's never been alone with my children, it was one lunch in over a year.

Your daughter looks fine.
Please don't let this comment drip into your subconscious and try to "feed her up". If you need reassurance ask your GP or health visitor.

If she eats her fill of a range of healthy food and a few treats that's great. If she knows when she has had enough/has an off switch that's great - don't try to override it because of this comment.

Overweight children can have a lifelong battle with their weight/feeling self conscious etc. I think your relative is looking for drama.

Eh?! Batshit relative alert! Completely normal sized child!