How do you keep a work / life balance?

[C1239]

Basically how do you not stress about work when you aren’t there? How do you make sure you have energy to do stuff outside of work?!

Do you have a job that requires you be on 24/7? I do. And I deal with it by accepting that this is what I chose, I am compensated well and sort of enjoy it. When I was in a job I hated, this was different, I couldn't stop worrying about work. So I left for another job where I work with nicer people and every email doesn't cause me a panic attack

My main job could take over my life, but isn't well paid. It is flexible and a mix of from home, office and sites. And will never be finished. There are bits of it I love and bits I don't, so I leave the bits I don't and then get stressed about them and do them at stupid times.

I have a couple of extra jobs that take my mind off Job #1. I also have children, a dog, a ton of friends that need me, and a volunteer role. So I overload myself, do all these things extremely badly, and don't get enough sleep. BUT at least job 1 doesn't rule my life!

Good question. Constant battle, but I have decided on some 'truths' and force myself to believe them whenever I am tempted to over work. Such as:

I do my best work after having a proper break (more creative, better perspectives).

It's impossible to 'finish', therefore prioritisation is the only real option.

Sometimes overworking creates a cascade of work for others...more emails to be replied to etc. I should be mindful of where I focus to make sure I am not churning up low priority issues for other people.

A success can be NOT getting involved/starting something - aim should be to create the minimum fuss to get to an acceptable quality.

Often when I panic about workload, I force myself to go home and time and again cannot remember the next morning what was so pressing.

When the workload is insurmountable, it is better to focus on radical solutions/strategic adjustments etc. I.e. better to look at the whole process and think if it is needed at all etc, and if not, set about influencing/discussing until everyone agrees with you ;)

Etc. But awful feeling when work is interfering with your personal life. Will be reading this thread closely for tips.

Because they don’t pay me enough to care?

and I don’t live to work. Work pays my bills so I can enjoy my life

I have quite a stressful job and in the first couple of years I used to work a lot and worry about it outside of work then I realised that I could work until midnight every night and still not get everything done so I focus on what is most important; I keep a fairly detailed diary so if I’m challenged on why something isn’t done then I show my manager my diary and ask what they would prefer I prioritise and if they say something needs doing unexpectedly I let them know what will then not get done. Now and again I do extra when it’s important but this way I’m not resentful and I have the energy outside of work.
I also found that if I didn’t talk about work too much at home then it was easier to relax: at a very stressful point DH and I went on holiday and agreed that neither of us would talk about work while we were away and it really helped. I also find that then when I do talk to people about work they are more engaged in any problems I share compared to when I was always moaning and talking about it.

Also when I’m stressed at work I try to make use of my manager and colleague support to vent.

I live in a country where work life balance is valued. I finish work and rarely have loose ends. There is no need to take stuff home. Also exercise is a good way to clear your head. And I like my fairly easy 40 minute drive - givesme a chance to warm up in the morning and wind down on the way home.

1. When I am working, I am fully working. When I am not working I am fully not working.

1. Whilst my role is important, the organisation is massive and, frankly, they could make do if I am not there. Even though I'm the only one in it who does specifically my job.

1. There are enough people who earn 3x my wage (and more), who can step in/take the flack.

1. I know that if I do something/don't do something, I have a case to argue as to why I did or didn't do it. Errors are minor, easy to spot and easily rectified, so any purposeful actions I take are always because I can justify them. I have good management who accept my autonomy in doing this.

I was already flexible at work, so was already able to wfh if needed and could move hours around if needed (but generally stuck to 9-5), now I am hybrid working it is more flexible again.

Also having a cleaner is a massive help, considering finding a Gardner also.

I have a done/doing/todo list notebook. I write on that at the end of every day. Means I've made a note of what I've done, I'm in the middle of, and need to do. Then I can pin it and not think about it until the next day.

Doesn't always work, I've used this method in my last 4 roles (retail manager, office administrator, office manager and teaching assistant) towards the end of my admin job, nothing helped because I was being bullied in an extremely underhand way. In my current role its brilliant as I do some planning one evening a week and during the weekend, it helps me organise those times.

For me it's working part time, and absolutely no emails ever on phone. Then I get away from it all outside work.

OP can I ask how old you are?

I work in what can be a stressful industry. Lots of long hours, pressured deadlines, challenging clients, constantly changing requirements, etc. Early in my career I used to get quite stressed and struggle to switch off. I worried much more about how we would deliver.

Ive been doing the same kind of work for almost 20 years now and although I have much more responsibility (the book now stops with me at the end of the day) I’m so much more relaxed about work. I think it’s because the many years of experience means I just don’t get stressed about things in the same way. I’ve dealt with many of the issues before. I trust my teams to deliver and I know how to lead and support them to make sure they do.

The other thing that’s made a massive difference to me is having kids. Work used to be my life, and I was happy with that for a long time. But I now have other priorities.

As others have also mentioned, exercise is hugely important to me. I have the odd week where is struggle to get in the gym time but it’s something I really try and prioritise because it makes me a happier person.

it's impossible to 'finish', therefore prioritisation is the only real option

This. I've realised over the years what matters and what doesnt. Some of the most time consuming things sound important but in reality nothing happens if they don't get done. I've got better and better at spotting those things and not wasting time on them.

Exactly these ^^ points for me as well.
Also, I work part time and mostly WFH.

Also having kids does give you a real perspective.

Choice: a) work late on important project/b)stop and go home.
Outcomes if not done: a)work happens slightly later/next day/b) children not collected from childcare/not fed etc.

B) matters so so so much more 99.99999% of the time.

This is me too!

Identify which tasks are -

Important but not urgent
Urgent but not important
Urgent and important
Not urgent or important

Have good diary system. All my deadlines and reminders are in Google calendar, so I never have to remember when a meeting is. This frees up headspace

Pomodoro technique forces me to pick up the horrible jobs I'm tempted to postpone

Make plans for the evening. If I've committed to go to the cinema, I'll do it. otherwise I might end up working on

As a PP said, being older helps too. I have realistic expectations of (1) how much I can deliver and (2) the consequences of putting off a task until tomorrow

ForeverSingle881 · 22/04/2022 20:40
Do you have a job that requires you be on 24/7? I do. And I deal with it by accepting that this is what I chose, I am compensated well and sort of enjoy it.

I agree with this and it was like an adrenaline rush I got addicted to, however in my case I found it harder and harder to switch off and was in what I now recognise to be a constant state of alertness (stress) even though I might not have felt it. Lots of flexibility, great compensation so was at odds with myself for a long time
about why anyone would leave what appeared to be great. Unless you live that life you don’t know.

Ultimately I quit my job to have a year off as it became unsustainable.

I think you're either a worrier or not - I'm definitely a worrier.

I'm also a people pleaser so yet again - sigh - I've got into the situation where I've taken on too much.

As a wise ex boss said to me once , people forget you've taken on extra to get things done when it goes wrong.

This time I have flagged to my boss that the little extra side of desk project is taking up >50% of my time. I'm also not prepared to work long extra hours - some people are and I can do it when projects go in, but I can't and won't do it as a matter of course.

I made a mistake this week - result of not being well for a couple of weeks, someone else not doing something and me having too much on. I lost a nights sleep on it and it's made me resolved to get out of the second project as I simply can't do a good job on both of them.

A healthy awareness that we are all going to die one day, and that the spreadsheets I'm working on are really not that important in the grand scheme of things

I love my job but have become more and more stressed. I’ve just had a holiday - the first in this job where I didn’t take my laptop - and I honestly feel like a new woman. It’s really important to take proper breaks and I had forgotten how much they help. I plan to focus much more on balance. I’ll be exercising more and making sure to only check in once or twice over the weekend rather than every hour!!

I love my work but it isn’t and shouldn’t be my entire life. Covid made me forget that for a while.

Not getting into debt and going part time asap which I then helped dh to do. Also retiring asap which means not looking at example incomes in retirement with ridiculous projections beyond many people, but looking at what you can actually live on which for us is a lot less than most predictions.

Firstly - change your mindset.
It is not a "work / life" balance... work IS a part of your life!
It's about how much of your life is work.

And how much of "work" is actually "life"? A chat with a colleague is not really "work" to me...
Then if I am thinking about "work" when on a walk, is that "work" as well?

I have very blurred boundaries. But I love my job and happily spend a bit too long on things for personal rather than work reasons.

Sorry I didn't really give much answers in earlier post.

For me as I get older it's recognising the trigger signs before it gets too far, then deciding if what I'm worrying about is reasonably part of my job description ( I am decently paid) or not. Then if not, how do I get it off my plate. If it is what steps do I need to do to complete it.

Work 4 days a week
have a husband that takes his share of the family / housework
cleaner
barch cooking
take turns with DH in having time to myself