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AIBU?

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Original poster

You’re going too far with the bread !

39 replies

Mandybrighton · 22/04/2022 08:28

Hi

background - I have struggled all my life with weight but seven years ago lost seven stone by myself and have managed to keep it off minus a stone gain here and there which I do get back off again.

I’ve come to realise I’m a binge eater and have really put my body through it last couple years with fad diets and going up and down 20lbs over and over . I’ve been open with my husband about it and my struggles and what triggers me I also reached out to my
GP.

I’ve come to the conclusion I want to eat all food groups , eat well, and eat good food for my body and yesterday was day two of having proper meals instead of shakes or restriction that leads to epic binges.

my husband comes home that night and I tell him what I had for dinner which wasn’t much a toasted chicken salad sanwhich no butter and that was it and he immediately responded ‘ you’re going too far with the bread ! You gotta stop it ‘

im shocked and already feeling upset / shamed. Too far with bread ? Two slices of bread ? He replies you had bread at lunch as well , which I didn’t I had a jacket potato with tuna salad and I had sent him the photo because I had enjoyed it so much.

he started to search his messages to prove it was Tuna on bread … I start to say this is stupid , why would you even say I’m having too much bread or search for a photo to prove I had bread when you know I have binge eating problems and I’m wanting to eat better for health

He accuses me of being over sensitive and I say he’s a weirdo which he calls me that back, I call him a bh and he tells me to f off

all very upsetting and all not needed

now this morning I’m wondering if I shouldn’t have the bread ‘ to show him ‘ I can’t understand why you would so that to someone who’s so open about her struggles with food

for context I’m 5ft 7 and currently 13 stone 12
i like to be 12.7 ( that feels comfortable)
when we met I was 16 stone bur it’s been 9 years and a child since then

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 22/04/2022 08:37

He sounds really horrible. I wouldn't tell him about anything I ate. I assume he is an Adonis?

Antarcticant · 22/04/2022 08:39

Your approach of eating a balanced diet sounds good and having a sandwich isn't excessive.

You mention you sent your husband a photo of your lunch and then told him about your dinner - is he getting tired of hearing about your diet and becoming argumentative as a way of shutting you up?

I would suggest getting on with the diet without seeking his input. I have a DH who has never had to worry about his weight - he can eat anything and stay skinny - he doesn't understand how a healthy eating plan works at all, so there's no point seeking his input on my meal choices.

Thestagshead · 22/04/2022 08:40

I don’t understand why you are sending him pics of what you eat and telling him exactly what you ate, that’s not normal. Do you think maybe you have become a bit obsessed with food?

Threetulips · 22/04/2022 08:41

Don’t share your food, it seems you are looking for his approval and not getting it. Try a female friend instead.

What you’re eating sounds fine and healthy - and I don’t care if you eat bread with every meal - I like bread!

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 22/04/2022 08:42

He's being a dick
but stop discussing what you eat with him

ShoveItUpYerArse · 22/04/2022 08:42

He sounds horrible. I wouldn't discuss any of my food choices with
him. Don't send photos of your lunch and don't talk about what you've eaten. My life has been one long dieting rollercoaster. I'm also 5 ft 7 in and weigh 16 stone. This time last year, I was 13 stone. Has my DH mentioned my weight gain, or behaved differently towards me? No.
You're not being over sensitive. He is being a thoughtless git.

DolphinaPD · 22/04/2022 08:46

Lose 10st instead and dump him.

ShoveItUpYerArse · 22/04/2022 08:47

HollowTalk · 22/04/2022 08:37

He sounds really horrible. I wouldn't tell him about anything I ate. I assume he is an Adonis?

Even if the OP's husband is an Adonis, it doesn't give him the right to treat her so badly.

Shoxfordian · 22/04/2022 08:47

He seems quite controlling tbh

FabFitFifties · 22/04/2022 08:48

Stick to your plans for a balanced healthy diet. Don't report what you have had for meals to DH, but definitely don't hide your choices/feel shame/feel regret/lie either. Your meals need to be not a big issue. Your meals do not need his approval or opinion.

Indicatrice · 22/04/2022 08:52

Sounds like sabotage by nitpicking. Now you’ll stop eating bread at all, get fed up and inevitably binge.

If he is more hindrance then help, don’t talk to him about food and tell him not to speak to you about your food choices.

I often do low carving and DH looks for low carb recipes at my request when it’s his turn to cook. If I then start wrong carbs, he doesn’t say anything.

Indicatrice · 22/04/2022 08:53

*eating carbs not wrong carbs

saveforthat · 22/04/2022 08:53

It seems really odd to me to send a photo of a tuna jacket spud. Has he asked you to send photos of your lunch?

SpiderinaWingMirror · 22/04/2022 09:01

You need to treat DH as background noise and learn to tune him (and others) out if they are likely to be like this. It doesn't sound helpful but if he has had 9 years of variations on a dieting theme, it's quite possible that he has lost sight of what is helpful.

Indicatrice · 22/04/2022 09:02

saveforthat · 22/04/2022 08:53

It seems really odd to me to send a photo of a tuna jacket spud. Has he asked you to send photos of your lunch?

It’s not odd at all, couples / friends / family often share pics of their email.

Half of Instagram is pictures of people’s meals.

Thestagshead · 22/04/2022 09:04

Indicatrice · 22/04/2022 09:02

It’s not odd at all, couples / friends / family often share pics of their email.

Half of Instagram is pictures of people’s meals.

Show quote history

What even your lunch spud and then discussing your sandwich?

Original poster
Mandybrighton · 22/04/2022 09:09

Sorry if it come across that I’ve been reporting my food I simply send the photo as it was a new cafe and it was so yummy ‘

the dinner discussion was him saying what he had and I complimented his meal and shared mine and that’s where it went downhill

he isn’t a Adonis. He is 5ft 6 and about 20-30lbs heavier than me . I don’t ask his weight it’s not really my business .

i don’t think it’s him snapping as yesterday was day two of me eating better for me and that was the only food conversation we have had in a long time

OP posts:
Indicatrice · 22/04/2022 09:12

@Thestagshead it’s a yummy meal from a cafe, why can’t OP share a pic if she wants to?

Half the world does it.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/04/2022 09:15

I'd be ask for NG him today what last night was about and why he think he gets to police our food when you don't tell him what not to eat

Theunamedcat · 22/04/2022 09:19

And how did he react when he found out he was wrong?

ThinWomansBrain · 22/04/2022 09:20

makes me glad I'm single and don't have a lot of contact with family :)

if you send pictures of everything you eat, he probably feels that you are asking for comment/input?

CorsicaDreaming · 22/04/2022 09:21

Although I do think bread is one of those that seems to be best only eaten in moderation if you're trying to lose weight. It's so easy to eat a sandwich really quickly and not feel very full whereas something like a jacket potato, or really big bowl of salad with the same chicken on top can feel much more of a satisfying meal for the same calories.

FairyCakeWings · 22/04/2022 09:21

You are inviting his comments and opinions on what you eat by sending him pictures and telling him minor details like ‘no butter’ on your dinner. This could just be something that has come up because there is too much discussion of food in your house.

He might have made a mistake with what you had for lunch, but you started name calling first, so you lost any claim to being right when you did that. If you call someone a weirdo and then whatever else you meant by I call him a bh then you really can’t complain at being told to fuck off. Name calling is horrible, and it’s you that owes him the apology for starting that.

ExtraOnion · 22/04/2022 09:27

I am overweight. I have done the VLCDs (shakes) lost a load of weight … put it all back on (and more). I have done WeightWatchers. Slimming World, Keto - you name it, I’ve done ir.
I also have had CBT for my “food addiction” - it’s all very complex.

it’s not been easy for my OH - I ask him to “support me” to stick to a diet … then snap at him when he points out I’m having something I shouldn’t be having. We have had many discussions about what support needs to look like.

Through CBT I also realised my complete obsession with food … “what’s for breakfast, lunch, dinner?”, any day out or holiday “where we eating” etc. Food isn’t that important to him, so I would be obsessing and he would be getting fed up.

its important to look back and see what support you have asked for in the past - have you asked him for help in controlling carbs ? Does he understand what support you need now ? Where you very unhappy overweight ? Is he fearful of you being unhappy ?

The conversation you had was toxic, filled with guilt and blame. There can be a lot of shame around eating for overweight people, which leads us to bring hyper-defensive and hyper-sensitive. Name calling never solved anything.

Also, you might think you’ve not had a food conversation for ages, but you may have done without it registering.

For him to be sharing what he had for a meal, imagining you asked him .. when you shared what you had, had he asked you?

My CBT taught me a lot, about how much of my day is taken up by food ..and how much of an impact in had on my partner. I’m now very clear with him about what “support” means.

CorsicaDreaming · 22/04/2022 09:28

Have you tried something like Slimmjng World @Mandybrighton ? I did it years ago, so it may have changed, but I was really impressed by their healthy approach and I felt like it was helping me to think about portion size, relative calories in different things, etc.

I also enjoyed the weekly meetings as it gives a focus and also a group of like minded people to chat with about food and recipes (so you don't need to discuss with DH and get encouragement from others). The woman who ran the one I went to was very enthusiastic and kind. And they have a range of really tasty recipe books. The curry one was especially good.

The bread thing got me thinking about it, as bread always counted very high on SW, so you couldn't eat much of it.

So maybe DH has a point, even if he's not expressing it very supportively.

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