You’re going too far with the bread !

[Mandybrighton]

Hi

background - I have struggled all my life with weight but seven years ago lost seven stone by myself and have managed to keep it off minus a stone gain here and there which I do get back off again.

I’ve come to realise I’m a binge eater and have really put my body through it last couple years with fad diets and going up and down 20lbs over and over . I’ve been open with my husband about it and my struggles and what triggers me I also reached out to my
GP.

I’ve come to the conclusion I want to eat all food groups , eat well, and eat good food for my body and yesterday was day two of having proper meals instead of shakes or restriction that leads to epic binges.

my husband comes home that night and I tell him what I had for dinner which wasn’t much a toasted chicken salad sanwhich no butter and that was it and he immediately responded ‘ you’re going too far with the bread ! You gotta stop it ‘

im shocked and already feeling upset / shamed. Too far with bread ? Two slices of bread ? He replies you had bread at lunch as well , which I didn’t I had a jacket potato with tuna salad and I had sent him the photo because I had enjoyed it so much.

he started to search his messages to prove it was Tuna on bread … I start to say this is stupid , why would you even say I’m having too much bread or search for a photo to prove I had bread when you know I have binge eating problems and I’m wanting to eat better for health

He accuses me of being over sensitive and I say he’s a weirdo which he calls me that back, I call him a bh and he tells me to f off

all very upsetting and all not needed

now this morning I’m wondering if I shouldn’t have the bread ‘ to show him ‘ I can’t understand why you would so that to someone who’s so open about her struggles with food

for context I’m 5ft 7 and currently 13 stone 12
i like to be 12.7 ( that feels comfortable)
when we met I was 16 stone bur it’s been 9 years and a child since then

Don't touch Slimming World with a barge pole, OP.

He sounds like a knob and he isn’t the person who is going to be supportive.

If I was being kind to your knob of a H, I’d say your disordered eating has had a negative impact on your relationship dynamic. If you want to succeed in really changing your relationship with food you, your H isn’t the one you should be looking to for support.

YANBU

For what it's worth I eat brad with pretty much every single meal except Sunday Dinner and I've never been overweight. I now have middle aged spread but still am a comfortable size 12-14. Bread is not the enemy.

@ExtraOnion is spot on and 'gets it' while others are missing the point. You are struggling with significant food issues (maybe an eating disorder?) and you need to be aware that the trauma will stir up a lot of emotions.

Your DH is not being supportive but he may not realise the difference between a diet and trying to repair your relationship with food - these are obviously very different things. Can you access support from your GP for counselling / therapy?

Otherwise, I hear the Fuck It Diet is very good - I haven't been brave enough to read it yet!

The F*ck It Diet: The Ultimate Anti-Diet Bible https://smile.amazon.co.uk/dp/0008339864/ref=cmswwrcppapiii_T65BT295HNTYA6E2RVYG

Good luck and be kind to yourself

He mistakenly thought you had bread for lunch ( is that because you usually do?) and sounds like it escalated from that.
I don't think you can expect to talk about what you eat to him/anyone without expecting them to comment. If you did have bread at lunch, then yes, that would be too much bread. If he is aware of food issues he will know this, and might even feel he's helping by pointing it out. The thing is he was wrong but so convinced he was right he was looking for evidence to prove it. I'd say your reaction was a bit extreme, and of course he was out of order to swear at you.
How to you want to proceed from here? Are there often misunderstandings like this culminating in full on rows rather than attempts at understanding ( from both sides)?

@ShoveItUpYerArse

Don't touch Slimming World with a barge pole, OP.

...

Why do you say that?
Just interested asi found it really helpful...

You do sound obsessed with food and if I was your DH, photos of your food, talk about food etc would drive me nuts. He might be struggling to bear this constant food talk and is desperate for you to stop, and therefore gets very on edge about it. Emailing him photos of your lunch is definitely excessive and it sounds like it has become a fixation to think about food issues (quite rightly if you are trying to actively improve it, well done for that OP, but it is NOT always easy to live with).

Eat the bread. Keep a food diary. Its a pain, but it does help you spot where you might be able to make kinder choices. Moderation and consistency, one day at a time. Look up Pahla B, has helped my disordered eating. Don't give up on yourself and find supportive people in real life or online to cheer you on. You can do this 💪🥳

So your morbidly obese husband is berating you about eating too much (when you aren't) in a way that is effectively hinting that you might as well not bother because it's not going to be good enough to make a difference?

I wonder why he might be doing that?

When you shared with him your triggers for binges, did they happen to include;

Extreme restriction, particularly of carbohydrates
Being made to feel like there's no point
Being made to feel like you aren't good enough
Anxiety
Conflict
Criticism
Having 'forbidden' foods

by any chance?

And when you were restricting very heavily, was it difficult because

There was conflict about random things
He'd keep bringing home or insisting upon less nutritious but calorifically dense foods
'Why are you doing this? Is it to get a fancy man?'
'You're never going to be able to eat real food again'
'You've done enough, you deserve a treat'
'I'm not going to give up things I like because you're trying to lose weight'
'Why can't we just sit down and have a meal together like we used to do?'
'Just eat less'
'I don't want any of that diet shit'
'Well, you don't have to eat it' [giant serving of ice cream/cakes/chocolates/biscuits/one of your trigger foods in front of you]

Was he actually particularly helpful when you first began to lose weight? Or was he OK with it when you were still a higher BMI than him and only started being less than supportive when you became slimmer?

Do you have support to go and exercise outside the home for health, strength, mental wellbeing? Or is that an issue for him/he is unwilling to look after your DC to facilitate it?

It's worth thinking about.

Going by the colleague who is following it, it's giving her issues with 'good' and 'bad' food. Putting a y in the word doesn't change the fact that a Sin/Syn is a bad thing in the subconscious. Saying 'you don't have to eat them' doesn't change the fact that they are associated with branded items of dubious nutrition and satiety. She talks about avocados and bananas being really bad for you compared to an entire tub of diet ice cream or a bag of branded chips because 'I can have those, they're free/only 3 syns'

Moreover, she went to weigh in on Wednesday night and had put on 2lb. She's gutted, embarrassed that everybody at the meeting saw she'd done that when three weeks ago she got the highest weight loss of the group. Fact is, a damn good poo would most likely solve it, but it's upset her so much we've had two days of it at work and she's currently planning the food she can have at the weekend and how she's going to cut down further after the weekend to avoid being the one at the group who hasn't lost weight next Wednesday evening.

I think what you're trying to do sounds he really sensible.

I think he sounds weird and controlling. Do tiffs always escalate like this? That's exhausting.

@NeverDropYourMooncup - thanks. That puts a different complexion on it...

I ate lots more fruit (I'm a bugger for forgetting to eat fruit) and salad when I was doing it... and have never been one for frankenfoods so stayed away from much of the marketed stuff...

When I did it, it was all about green and red foods, and you could eat freely from "green" or "red". I found it quite helpful.

Never picked up on the "Avocadoes are Baaaad" thing - clearly wasn't paying enough attention I do love an avocado.

In my day they really encouraged fresh mangoes, which are fairly sweet. So I guess it may well be quite different in the new scheme. Ho hum...

I tried it about 15 years ago and lost about a stone on it, I was really pleased. But it sounds like it may have become a lot more predatory and commercial of late...

I don't think he sounds horrible at all. If he is her sounding boarding, I think he must be fed up. I have a friend who does this, I sometimes think then why are you bloody eating that.
It was the Op who then resorted to name calling, but of course he must be the horrible one.

I have voted YABU only because you seem to think a lot about what you eat and share your thoughts with your DH but then don’t accept his input. I mean, fair enough, this is nothing to do with him, but maybe stop sharing what you are having for every meal.