Is it embarrassing to not have many friends?

[jealousgirl]

Just that really. I was bullied at school and home as a child so never really fitted in anywhere. But I had a few good friends who meant the world to me. Over the years I've stayed friends with these people but we have changed and the closeness that was there has gone. Now when we meet it's more like a reunion than current friends meeting up. I've made other friends through my kids but no one I feel I can open up to and share with and I often find when I suggest going out or meeting separate from kids they are not that bothered. So I've found myself in the situation where most of my social life is my husband and kids and my husbands family. (I'm not close to my family) is that sad? There's a part of me that feels like it's a bit pathetic to not have friends or anyone to socialise with. When I hear of acquaintances going out and doing fun things / holidays together I feel upset. I try to be open to making new friends through activities I do but I generally find it's me getting in touch making the effort when surely it should be both sides. Can anyone relate/advise?

I have always made friends easily but have lost touch with a lot over the years. Now I have a couple of good friends at work and a handful of close friends outside of work who I've known for years that I socialise with on a regular basis but I don't really have the time or inclination to maintain a wide social circle. DH is my best friend I suppose and between work and kids we don't get as much quality time together as I'd like so that's the relationship I choose to prioritise.

I have been feeling a lot like this lately too especially since having two babies under 2 during the pandemic. By proxy of both these things I have not been able to get out and socialise as much but it has forced me to question if I even have many good friends to socialise with. I always get the impression that I'm the lesser favoured friend in the group and I don't have a best friend per se who I speak to on a regular basis or who pops over and feels part of the family. I have a few aquantices in a group setting and one or two friends that I go for pram walks with but very infrequently. Sometimes it doesn't feel like enough. A lot of old uni friends are child free and live in London whereas I am on the coast so I am currently unable to give them the time they need in order to maintain the level of friendship required to keep the relationship relevant and feel a little as though I have been sidelined since having children. As my house is always wrecked and untidy I'm never confident enough to host which is to my detriment I guess. I go through periods of being just fine with my dh and dc and socialising with my mum and sister in laws only to desperately missing old social interactions and feeling jeolous of people with their besties and or pics of the them throwing big parties for themselves or their dcs. When I grew up my parents had no friends and I was often v bored at the home and envious of people who had extended family or family friends so always felt I would love that for my children as it would be so enriching for them. Hopefully when they are a bit older I can cultivate more friendships or give time to old ones. If they haven't completely forgotten and written me off by then!!
I'd just hate for my children not feel part of a wider social experience due to my lack of friends.

However on a more positive note reading this thread has made me feel less alone and reinforced (my usual outlook) that actually perhaps a good healthy relationship with your dh and small family circle is enough. Especially if they are with whom you most feel yourself and happiness. Think there is a pressure to sometimes keep friends for the sake of being seen to have friends

I can totally relate to this. My parents had no friends and weren't close to family either I vowed never to be like that but I've found it harder to keep/have friends than I thought it would be.

I'm weird too I feel like there must be my people out there but not sure where gbey are.

Oh that's a vicious circle sorry to hear that.

Hi op. I have a lot of friends but I don't judge people based on the amount of friends they have. My best friend has very few friends because she's an introvert and where she has been working in the last 15 years makes it difficult to make friends unless she would be proactive. And as she's shy and an introvert, it is difficult.

But she is amazing. So lovely, so interesting, so loyal. And my friends really like her (just we live a few hours away from each other). So it isn't her or her personality, it is the situation.

For example, I've lived in my house for the same length of time as she's lived in her house. I know my whole street and have become good friends with 3 neighbours. I don't think she has spoken to any of her neighbours.

I have a mix of friends. Some have loads of friends and some a few. It really doesn't make any difference to me and noone has ever discussed the amount of friends anyone has.

So if you want to get to know more people, then don't let the lack of friends hold you back. And if you're happy with your circle then that's great too. It isn't a competition nor a gauge of someone's character.