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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if it's financially possible for a partner to move in (UC related)

119 replies

Shinydiscoballs1 · 20/04/2022 18:55

How does it work for universal credit if I decide on a partner moving in with me and my kids?
Would uc base my award on our joint income?
Do people find that this would not work financially?
If i get £800/ month just now on uc I'd be lost without that amount, but I couldn't ask my partner to suddenly contribute that amount, can anyone shed any light?

OP posts:
ChiselandBits · 21/04/2022 14:03

When a man with kids moves in with someone else with kids, the maintenance he is liable for for his own children goes down as it is assumed he is taking on some financial responsibility for the "step" kids. Therefore it would be right that your benefits would decrease. As others have said this is one of the reasons I will not live with my pp until the children are adults and fully independent - I don't actually get any benefits apart from CB and the 25% reduction in council tax but I actually don't subscribe to the "package" idea. I am me, I pay for my household and have a relationship outside of that. There's a lot to be said for independence, regardless of whether that is funded by a well paying job or the UC you might be entitled to as a lower earner or with v young kids etc.

Zilla1 · 21/04/2022 14:19

Putting aside the misogynist 'Gosh women really do hate other women don't they?! ' because not every post you received was joyful and some noted an apparent discontinuity between the 'hypothetical example and the reference to a specific partner, in principle you have different options -

  1. keep households separate as UC is calculated on a household basis.
  2. ask him at the appropriate time how much he wants to contribute. If this exceeds any reduction in your UC then no problem.
  3. if it is less than any reduction in your UC then tell him and see if he wants to increase his offer.
  4. have in mind whatever reduction in rent and bills he will secure by moving in to temper you 'I couldn't possibly ask him for £x'. Good luck.
LegMeChicken · 21/04/2022 14:35

TweenTrauma · 21/04/2022 13:41

This is a key reason that I would not live with a partner while my children are at home. Because they have disabilities I get around £1400 a month tax credits, as well as my earnings. If for example my bf moved in, because of his earnings I would lose that whole £1400. That’s the money that I use to feed and clothe them, as well as pay bills and I would be screwed without it. I do get the argument that if someone moves in they should be prepared to take on the kids as well, but realistically I feel it’s unfair to expect my bf to cough up the £1400 I would lose every month, in order to support MY children. Quite aside from the fact that I doubt he or anyone else would be willing to do that. They are my children, my responsibility. I would definitely be worse off financially for living with a partner, so it’s a non starter.

I don’t know what the answer is but the current system does make it challenging for new families to form fairly.

How much does your BF earn out of interest? I thought it tapers away, but that might be just UC. Tax credits are different I presume?

SoggyPaper · 22/04/2022 06:55

It will be a UC claim. The change of circumstances requires a switch to UC. People can only stay on the legacy tax credits system if their circumstances don’t change.

Woolandwonder · 22/04/2022 07:04

I suppose it depends how much your bills are but his contribution could quite easily come to around £800. Figure out what half the council tax, rent, water, gas/electricity, internet etc would come to.

LakieLady · 22/04/2022 08:06

RedskyThisNight · 20/04/2022 20:14

Depends if he's a partner or a boyfriend. if he's a partner then contributing to the household is a joint responsiblity - hence "partnership".

The DWP don't make any distinction between partners and boyfriends. The OP would need to report him moving in as a change of circumstances (no need to start a new claim, as has been suggested upthread) and his income would be included as household income.

I'd suggest running the numbers through one of the online calculators (I favour entitledto.co.uk) and see what difference it would make, then have a conversation with him about how much he feels it would be fair to contribute.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 22/04/2022 08:41

SoggyPaper · 22/04/2022 06:55

It will be a UC claim. The change of circumstances requires a switch to UC. People can only stay on the legacy tax credits system if their circumstances don’t change.

I heard this but I've been on tax credits since 2014, increasing my working hours twice and moving house haven't triggered a switch to UC. Still on tax credits.

SoyaChai · 22/04/2022 09:09

I am worried about this too. As it stands I have enough income to support myself and my child, and I have spare to spend as I wish. We go along as we are. I am disabled.

On the downside, if I were to move in with my partner, I would lose my own "income" as it were and be reliant on his wage. That means I will he missing hundreds that I would usually have for me. That O would have control over.

On the plus side, he owns his home without a mortgage, his property is bigger etc.

But I'm not all that happy with the idea of not having control of the money and it being "his" money.

I am personally trying to save some money of my own before doing this.

SoggyPaper · 22/04/2022 09:48

Waxonwaxoff0 · 22/04/2022 08:41

I heard this but I've been on tax credits since 2014, increasing my working hours twice and moving house haven't triggered a switch to UC. Still on tax credits.

Show quote history

You haven’t changed your job or switched to a joint claim though.

Your changes are updating details, so that doesn’t trigger the switch.

LampLighter414 · 22/04/2022 10:14

How much does he earn approx? It may be the case you end up entitled to diddly squit and so costs will have to be shared between you both from your salaries.

I gather this is why a lot of single mums have local partners who don't move in for many years. Easier and less stressful to just maintain separate places and stay other at each others a few times a week. Easier if the relationship doesn't work out too and having to move out/find a new place and rejig all the benefits too (with the usual UC issues of waiting weeks for your first payments to come in despite there being rent and bills to pay)

If he is not already local could he just move closer? A few mins walk or drive away

serenghetti2011 · 22/04/2022 10:35

I’m on tax credits and moved jobs and moved house twice still on tax credits. There are some things they will change you over for but generally you can stay on them until they are all changed or you trigger a change which they deem suitable for uc. Benefits are absolutely not a lifestyle, I mean who really wants to rely on money that changes and stops and throws you into difficulties through no fault of your own, I’d rather not rely on them. One minute you know where you are, the next you’re £200 down and have the same bills to pay. It’s not stable or steady. I also work but can’t increase hours due to son with sen and the type of job I do, so for now it’s part time with a top up, boyfriend also won’t be moving in as I can’t afford it, you need to make sacrifices as a parent, mine is my job and now my relationship. My kids need to be out front and centre for the time being.

GetThatHelmetOn · 22/04/2022 21:22

I agree with the previous poster, benefits it is just a bit (or a lot) of help to get you through during hardship but you should keep working to get off them/independent as soon as possible and the same goes for child maintenance.

I have seen so many mums, who have chosen not to make this effort been left practically in destitution when their kids turn 18 and the child benefit, UC, rent support, child maintenance and even Mesher orders come to an end.

So although moving with someone it is likely to make you poorer, there is also a strong possibility that that situation will act as a catalyst to become financially independent (and free!) provided he is an equal partner in your relationship.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 22/04/2022 21:35

my council tax will be affected for sure. Just now I have a discount depending on my earnings and also single person discount too

Sound as if you could be losing quite a lot if he moves in, so the question has to be whether he'd be happy to make up the shortfall (not to support the DCs of course but the rest)?

TweenTrauma · 23/04/2022 09:56

LegMeChicken · 21/04/2022 14:35

How much does your BF earn out of interest? I thought it tapers away, but that might be just UC. Tax credits are different I presume?

Show quote history

I don’t know exactly as he’s self employed working on different contracts, but it would definitely be over the threshold for claiming TC. They work the same way as UC, tapering off depending on earnings.

It’s a moot point anyway as with 2 autistic children I wouldn’t want him living here, and I think the reason our relationship is so good is that we have our own space and live apart.

TabithaTittlemouse · 23/04/2022 10:09

But surely he’s paying more than £800 wherever he is living now so it shouldn’t be an issue? He doesn’t stop paying his way just because he moves in with you.

Although you have said that this is hypothetical these conversations need to be had well in advance.

TibetanTerrah · 23/04/2022 10:16

What is his living situation now OP? I live alone and pay far more than £800 a month for rent and bills so id be the same or better off moving in with a partner in this situation and wouldn't mind.

Previously I was lodging for £80 a week all in and it would have stung a bit to suddenly jump to £800a month iyswim? Smile

RedskyThisNight · 23/04/2022 10:46

LakieLady · 22/04/2022 08:06

The DWP don't make any distinction between partners and boyfriends. The OP would need to report him moving in as a change of circumstances (no need to start a new claim, as has been suggested upthread) and his income would be included as household income.

I'd suggest running the numbers through one of the online calculators (I favour entitledto.co.uk) and see what difference it would make, then have a conversation with him about how much he feels it would be fair to contribute.

Show quote history

You've misunderstood my point. I'm trying to say that if you describe someone as a "partner" then you should be working in partnership i.e. you should both be contributing to the household. If you don't feel that you can ask a partner to contribute or they are not contributing fairly, then really they are just a boyfriend and perhaps you should stop thinking of them as a "partner".

So many people on here call someone a partner when they really mean a boyfriend as the boyfriend is essentially just a person they are sleeping with and they have 2 separate lives. It's for OP to decide what type of person her partner/boyfriend is.

LuaDipa · 23/04/2022 10:58

I think the bottom line here is that if he isn’t willing or able to make up the shortfall, you and your kids lose out. Plus the knock on effects on university funding. I would not be moving a partner in under these circumstances.

GetThatHelmetOn · 23/04/2022 19:44

I think that part of the problem is that unless the guy is loaded it is unlikely they would be able to match the benefits and would be unfair as well to expect it as, the UC provides enough money for a lone parent to raise the kids with the income 2 working parents would have in a small salary, therefore allowing the parent with care to have a much higher income that they would do in their circumstances if in a couple.

Lets say you earn £400 a month and get £800 in UC, but your new partner earns £1000 a month? How would that guy be able to make up for the £800 a month when he only earns £1000 without the woman thinking they are loosing spending power?

If the OP wanted a guy able to make up for benefits lost she would need to be looking for someone who could earn £2000 a month but then what are the chances of ending up dating a guy who earns 5 times what she earns? Well, it happens, rarely, but if a guy is earning several times more they would more likely be looking for someone on a similar income.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 23/04/2022 20:08

Why wouldn't it be taken into account? What if you met a high earner? You still think you should get benefits if he's on 50-100k?

GetThatHelmetOn · 23/04/2022 20:22

The truth is that even if he had a six figure salary, there is no guarantee that he would be making up for the benefits income lost. I know so many women married to high earners who do not have their own money, or money they can decide to spend without getting permission from the husband, some men do not even contribute equally to their own children’s expenses. I know that is dreadful but unfortunately not uncommon.

I would say OP that you would feel free to merge households with a man once you are not worse off by it, meaning once you are living without the help of benefits. I understand however that getting to that point is not only through hard work but through being blessed with a lot of luck (ie. Finding a job that provides the flexibility you may need as a single parent alongside good opportunities for progression)

SoggyPaper · 23/04/2022 20:45

I know so many women married to high earners who do not have their own money, or money they can decide to spend without getting permission from the husband, some men do not even contribute equally to their own children’s expenses.

sadly it’s more common than you’d hope. My husband earns over 100k and, while I was on maternity leave (right at the point of SMP going to zero), he unilaterally decided to have his salary paid into a brand new sole bank account and drip feed only just enough money into the joint account to cover the direct debits. He’d even transfer money back out again so that there was never more than about £20 in there - max. This is one of the reasons we no longer live together.

That said, I don’t really see any reasonable way for UC to not take the entire household income into account. The peculiarities of individual financial arrangements in couples living together really aren’t something a national benefits system can flex to accommodate.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 23/04/2022 23:43

GetThatHelmetOn · 23/04/2022 20:22

The truth is that even if he had a six figure salary, there is no guarantee that he would be making up for the benefits income lost. I know so many women married to high earners who do not have their own money, or money they can decide to spend without getting permission from the husband, some men do not even contribute equally to their own children’s expenses. I know that is dreadful but unfortunately not uncommon.

I would say OP that you would feel free to merge households with a man once you are not worse off by it, meaning once you are living without the help of benefits. I understand however that getting to that point is not only through hard work but through being blessed with a lot of luck (ie. Finding a job that provides the flexibility you may need as a single parent alongside good opportunities for progression)

It's not up to the government to make your relationship equal. They base money off household income. If your partner won't contribute don't fucking move him in.

I couldn't get a job for 6 months after uni and I wasn't entitled to a penny because I lived with my boyfriend (we were 21) who had a job. If he wasn't willing to proceed with paying bills and giving me a small amount to live on then u would have returned home (300miles away).

When you move in you become a family. They are not a lodger.

jimmyjammy001 · 24/04/2022 00:29

Unfortunately the situation you have described is a deal breaker for many blokes when it comes to dating someone on UC as they know that quite alot of single mums are on UC and in the future if they ever wanted to move in together they would have to subsidize their partners UC loss which can be over £1000 a month in some cases, so the relationship would be a non starter for most, there are those that are happy to live separately or who aren't aware of the financial implications of moving in with some one on UC and ultimately the relationship dosent work out in the end either.

cherish123 · 24/04/2022 00:33

Do you get £800 per month in credit? Wow! That's a lot!
It wouldn't be financially viable to move someone in. Probably best not to. If it doesn't work out, you could be out of pocket. Could you just have them stay over occasionally?