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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if it's financially possible for a partner to move in (UC related)

119 replies

Shinydiscoballs1 · 20/04/2022 18:55

How does it work for universal credit if I decide on a partner moving in with me and my kids?
Would uc base my award on our joint income?
Do people find that this would not work financially?
If i get £800/ month just now on uc I'd be lost without that amount, but I couldn't ask my partner to suddenly contribute that amount, can anyone shed any light?

OP posts:
Butfirstcoffees · 21/04/2022 05:05

FairyCakeWings · 20/04/2022 22:45

It’s also worth you knowing early that a partners income would be taken into consideration if your child wants to go to university and needs a student loan. The amount they are allowed to borrow is based on household income as the household is expected to contribute, but a non resident parent isn’t.

This is a really good point. I know so many people whose kids have been screwed over because of this. Unable to get a the full loan, but their mother and their partner not able or unwilling to support them

Waxonwaxoff0 · 21/04/2022 05:14

Yes he would be expected to contribute.

This is why, as a single parent myself receiving tax credits, I would never move in with a partner.

Svara · 21/04/2022 07:09

I don't see the problem with him contributing. Unless he was living rent free or in a very cheap lodging situation then moving in shouldn't be a financial burden on him?

Original poster
Shinydiscoballs1 · 21/04/2022 09:15

LegMeChicken · 21/04/2022 04:44

Hypothetical? Really?
20/04/2022 19:16 you said ‘no he doesn’t’ have kids’ in response to a poster but 16 mins earlier you emphasised that this is ‘all hypothetical’.
lying isn’t a good look.

As I said I'm merely dating so yes using him as an example as it's going well
Why would I come on here to tell a lie I'm genuinely asking a question

OP posts:
Original poster
Shinydiscoballs1 · 21/04/2022 09:22

Gosh women really do hate other women don't they?! Just re read some of the replies here to a genuine and hypothetical question ....I've been made out to be a benefit scrounger and called a liar!! Its a shame and I bet these people are the ones who post about building one another up and be kind etc

OP posts:
Waxonwaxoff0 · 21/04/2022 09:23

Don't move in with him. Better to keep your benefits cos you could end up screwed if the relationship fails.

MissMaple82 · 21/04/2022 09:24

@Shinydiscoballs1

But uc is split up into elements towards my children and then for myself, why should a potential partner be expected to contribute to my children? This is hypothetical!!
Because it's a household not you specifically they are giving it to. They will 100% take his income into it and will need to be a joint claim
Original poster
Shinydiscoballs1 · 21/04/2022 09:26

MissMaple82 · 21/04/2022 09:24

@Shinydiscoballs1

But uc is split up into elements towards my children and then for myself, why should a potential partner be expected to contribute to my children? This is hypothetical!!
Because it's a household not you specifically they are giving it to. They will 100% take his income into it and will need to be a joint claim

Thank you for this clear and non judgemental answer to my op!!

OP posts:
Waxonwaxoff0 · 21/04/2022 09:26

STARCATCHER22 · 20/04/2022 20:32

Absolutely this.

of course your universal credit will change if he moves in. You count as a household and would be expected to pool your incomes to pay for the household.

I love that you don’t think that he should have to pay towards your children because they aren’t his but are happy for the state to pay towards your children…

Show quote history

Oh fuck off with this. No one is "happy" to have to rely on UC but most women don't earn enough to pay for childcare and all bills without some assistance.

iamjustlurking · 21/04/2022 09:32

When my partner moved in. I increased my working hours. He paid 1/2 of all the bills apart from food. The children are my responsibility and my ex is deceased so no obviously no maintenance.
Yes its hard but the benefits system is a safety net not a lifestyle

Aberration · 21/04/2022 09:35

Why would it be unreasonable to ask him to pay towards bills etc after he’s moved in?

if he moved in and UC stayed the same the state would effectively be subsiding him as well as you and your children. If he’s a high earner why should it?

Enough4me · 21/04/2022 09:45

My partner pays the £450 WFTC I lost in benefits every month to me and half towards bills as he rents his house out. His wage would mean as a group we are not entitled to benefits. He financially benefits slightly from moving in and I'm the same as before. I am looking to increase my hours in the future when my youngest is more independent and then we will 50.50 bills.
If he hadn't done this we would live separately as I wouldn't reduce my income to the household (2DCs).
If a man wants to move in, he should ensure it's not at the detriment to the household!

MissMaple82 · 21/04/2022 09:47

You sound like you have a chip on your shoulder op. I think people find it quite astounding that you actually think your benefits should stay they same whilst living as a couple and reeping the benefits of two incomes. I find it mind boggling that you think this should be the case.

Sarkymarky · 21/04/2022 09:56

Happy Birthday have a lovely day treat yourself to a lovely supper and put on your favourite film🎂

Sarkymarky · 21/04/2022 09:59

Sorry wrong thread not sure how I did that

mubarak86 · 21/04/2022 10:02

Please do not move this "hypothetical" man in OP. Your dc are going to financially suffer as a result. There have been many threads about this.

LegMeChicken · 21/04/2022 10:04

Shinydiscoballs1 · 21/04/2022 09:15

As I said I'm merely dating so yes using him as an example as it's going well
Why would I come on here to tell a lie I'm genuinely asking a question

Show quote history

if you were single… or just casually dating… fair enough.But you have got someone in mind. Therefore it’s not hypothetical at all, and you’re being disingenuous. I don’t know why you’d lie, maybe because you don’t want to hope?

The benefit scroungers comments are unkind. But many have equally pointed out that you come as a package. There’s no running away from it. So if your beau is the type of person who wouldn’t want to pay for your children you either have to accept that you’ll live apart, or end it.

that’s the reality of dating a woman on benefits with kids.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 21/04/2022 10:12

iamjustlurking · 21/04/2022 09:32

When my partner moved in. I increased my working hours. He paid 1/2 of all the bills apart from food. The children are my responsibility and my ex is deceased so no obviously no maintenance.
Yes its hard but the benefits system is a safety net not a lifestyle

It's a safety net for as long as you need it. You aren't obligated to move in with a partner at any point if you don't want to.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 21/04/2022 10:32

FairyCakeWings · 20/04/2022 22:45

It’s also worth you knowing early that a partners income would be taken into consideration if your child wants to go to university and needs a student loan. The amount they are allowed to borrow is based on household income as the household is expected to contribute, but a non resident parent isn’t.

This is really important to be aware of. A lot of kids in blended families get screwed as a result of this little gem.

OctopusSay · 21/04/2022 10:38

The alternative view is why should the taxpayer support children if the household income is over £x?

Babyroobs · 21/04/2022 10:48

For each additional pound of earnings which he earns you would lose 55p of UC. However your total award would increase a bit as you would get couples element rather than single element which you currently get.

Babyroobs · 21/04/2022 10:48

You would also lose single occupancy discount on council tax if you currently get that.

TrayBakes · 21/04/2022 11:09

@Shinydiscoballs1

If you think £800 is too much for him to pay every month, what do think would be reasonable and do you know how much he earns?

TweenTrauma · 21/04/2022 13:41

This is a key reason that I would not live with a partner while my children are at home. Because they have disabilities I get around £1400 a month tax credits, as well as my earnings. If for example my bf moved in, because of his earnings I would lose that whole £1400. That’s the money that I use to feed and clothe them, as well as pay bills and I would be screwed without it. I do get the argument that if someone moves in they should be prepared to take on the kids as well, but realistically I feel it’s unfair to expect my bf to cough up the £1400 I would lose every month, in order to support MY children. Quite aside from the fact that I doubt he or anyone else would be willing to do that. They are my children, my responsibility. I would definitely be worse off financially for living with a partner, so it’s a non starter.

I don’t know what the answer is but the current system does make it challenging for new families to form fairly.

thebeespyjamas · 21/04/2022 13:54

Have you decided on how your finances will fit together at all?

Because you literally need to do that.

Are you going to split all bills?
Are you going to split rent?

Sure, he is not responsible for your children but as your children he should care about them because he cares about you. He should want to spend his money on them just as any caring person wants to spend their money on their friends' and relatives' children.

But, you need to finalise this all with him. If he's wanting to move in with you without discussing this that's a huge red flag and I would strongly advise against doing it.