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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To rehome my dog

49 replies

Chichimcgee · 20/04/2022 12:27

Before I get pounced on I want to explain.
I have 3 small dogs. 2 are ridiculously soft natured, are fully trained with recall and offlead etc.
1, let’s call her Annie, was mobbed for lack of a better word by a bunch of school kids when she was about a year old. I kept yelling at them to leave her but this group picked her up, dropped her, terrified her. I picked her up as soon as I could and she was shaking and peed herself while these kids were still grabbing for her. Since then she’s been really anxious and is fear aggressive.

she has never growled at me or been nasty at all to me. She does growl at my son, she has gone for passers by and a delivery guy, ripping his trousers. she’s just gone for my son, he’s autistic and is distraught at the thought of her going, he’s sobbing his heart out. I also have a newborn and Annie seems a bit jealous, she hasn’t been nasty but will sit and stare and try to get on my lap when I’m feeding baby etc

So do I rehome via dogs trust/rspca etc so she can be in a house with no children and get one on one training, or do I keep her? I know what I have to do but it’s breaking my sons heart, please offer some advice or support to help.

Yabu - Keep the dog
yanbu - rehome

OP posts:
Howeverdoyouneedme · 20/04/2022 12:32

Rehome her. I wouldn’t take any sort of risk with a baby.

SilverHairedCat · 20/04/2022 12:32

Annie is stressed by the presence of children and there's not much you can do for her in your household.

Rehoming seems the safest thing for everyone, including Annie. If she were to bite a child, you'd never forgive yourself and she'd probably have to be put to sleep.

She may thrive in an adult only home.

AndAsIfByMagic · 20/04/2022 12:33

She has to go, OP.

10HailMarys · 20/04/2022 12:33

I think this is something a dog behaviourist, one who focuses on positive training and reassurance rather than punishment, could definitely help with, if you can afford it. Have a look on YouTube at Victoria Stilwell from It's Me Or The Dog. She's based in the US but a lot of her methods would be ideal for your dog I think, so if you could find someone who trains in a similar way, I think you could resolve your dog's issues.

BuffyBeat · 20/04/2022 12:34

YANBU -rehome
It’s a shame she was traumatised by those kids and it’s definitely affected her.
if she’s gone for your son, I think that’s answered your question.

UrsulaPandress · 20/04/2022 12:35

Rescues are awash with unwanted dogs. Very difficult to find a home for a dog with issues.

Andouillette · 20/04/2022 12:38

I am sorry you find yourself in this position, it's a hard choice. Is Annie a specific breed? If so please go through breed rescue which you can find via the Kennel Club. They will be best placed to work out what she needs and find her the right home.

abigailsnan · 20/04/2022 12:41

Please don't take the chance and rehome her with a family who do not have children she will get one to one attention and thrive.
If she went for your baby you would never forgive yourself,I accept your son will be upset and sad but needs must he would be much more upset if the dog had to be FTS.

Original poster
Chichimcgee · 20/04/2022 12:46

My ex would have her (single man, no children and adores the dog) thank you for reassuring me about what I already know however hard it is to hear

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 20/04/2022 12:56

What will your ex do with her when he, presumably, sees the children? (Assuming he’s dad, of course).

Original poster
Chichimcgee · 20/04/2022 13:18

He doesn’t see the children, a long story but if he does it will be at mine. I’ve spoken to him and he would love to have her and my son is happier because we will get updates and things from him and photos etc

OP posts:
PaintAndPirouettes · 21/04/2022 23:11

You and your dog need some help from a properly qualified behaviourist; depending on your insurance it may be covered. I would start with a behaviourist who is APBC or CCAB qualified
apbc.org.uk/find-an-apbc-member/
www.asab.org/ccab-register

Is your son likely to be able to follow a training plan as devised by the behaviourist?

So do I rehome via dogs trust/rspca etc so she can be in a house with no children and get one on one training

Dogs Trust won't take your dog in - they have some very strict intake criteria and won't knowingly take dogs in with significant behavioural issues. This is how they are able to claim never to put a healthy dog down - they decline to get involved with the less rehomable dogs, and that extends to the less fashionable breeds. The RSPCA are more likely to take your dog in, but they're also really quite likely to put down a dog with behaviour issues - I was once told by a friend who was ex RSPCA kennel staff that the dog currently snoozing by my feet after an off-lead run around our local urban park would have been put down for behaviour reasons if he had ended up with them.

Your ex may be a suitable option, but she does need to see a behaviourist regardless, to help her feel more confident in the world.

FabFitFifties · 21/04/2022 23:18

Sounds like a perfect plan OP. Sad, but better for everyone in the long run.

ForeverLooking · 21/04/2022 23:23

Yes, rehome. It sounds like it will be a happier life for her without the stress of children and safer for your family.

Suzi888 · 21/04/2022 23:26

Kids can be such horrible little shits. As you have a child, sadly the dog will have to be rehomed- hopefully to a more suitable home. Poor dog.

figtrees · 22/04/2022 00:23

You do know what happens to aggressive dogs when you give them to rescue organisations, don't you?

You might find her an individual willing to take her, but any reputable rescue would put her down. They can't risk sending a dog like that to a home where she might bite somebody.

WhackingPhoenix · 22/04/2022 00:26

figtrees · 22/04/2022 00:23

You do know what happens to aggressive dogs when you give them to rescue organisations, don't you?

You might find her an individual willing to take her, but any reputable rescue would put her down. They can't risk sending a dog like that to a home where she might bite somebody.

No, she wouldn’t automatically be put down🙄

I volunteer for a rescue and we don’t just put dogs down for being fearful. We use trainers and behaviourists, as do most reputable rescues. Do you know anything about rescues or are you just guessing?

safclass · 22/04/2022 01:03

I go to a group training class but the lady who does it also does 1 to 1 training for reactive dogs (people/dogs).
I do understand why you would want to re-home her but before I did I'd want to try something like this, and to get her opinion of what would be best.
So unfair on you, your family and your pup X x 💔

figtrees · 22/04/2022 01:11

WhackingPhoenix · 22/04/2022 00:26

No, she wouldn’t automatically be put down🙄

I volunteer for a rescue and we don’t just put dogs down for being fearful. We use trainers and behaviourists, as do most reputable rescues. Do you know anything about rescues or are you just guessing?

Show quote history

I worked in rescue for a long time, paid. This dog has bitten the delivery man hard enough to break fabric on his trousers and snapped at a child. Growls at her son. And has lunged at passers by. You would have to be absolutely stupid to think rescues work with every dog, let alone ones with such deeply rooted issues. Even if a trainer came this dog would be unsafe and unpredictable for the rest of its life, if not why on earth is nobody telling op to just get a trainer? Fucking stupidity on this forum never ceases to amaze me. Which rescue do you volunteer for? The large organisations don't want the bad rep or potential lawsuits from rehoming dogs that may bite. They also don't have the funds for lengthy specialist one on one training which may only be moderately successful and still doesn't guarantee the dog will be so totally changed it never reverts to this behaviour. They also assess dogs before they put them up for rehoming. Including a psychiatric evaluation. Lots of adoption centres are not where the dogs first arrive to, aggressive and sick dogs are mostly filtered out before this stage. Small independent rescues are free to rehome whatever dog they want despite its issues, but as I said no reputable rescue would want to be responsible for a dog that has this behaviour passing on to somebody else, because it would be solely on them if it attacks a child.

Just because people don't like to imagine the truth doesn't make it less true.

Clumsyvolcano · 22/04/2022 01:41

Rehoming isn’t necessarily the only option, she needs intensive training if this is an option for you? It seems a shame to rehome her when her reactions to other people are a result of trauma and she can be retrained. But if you feel you can’t wait or you can’t afford it then consider rehoming.

PP is talking rubbish about putting aggressive dogs to sleep. Rescues generally hire behaviourists so that the dog is suitable for rehoming.

figtrees · 22/04/2022 02:46

Please Google. In 2016 rspca was pitting 40 percent of dogs down. After the scandal broke they vowed to fix it. They didn't snd the issue is worse now due to lockdown dogs. You can also find kennel staff from battersea explaining that they put down any dogs that growl or bark at staff and further still articles stating that third of dogs handed were put down for behavioural issues. There are so many articles. Please just just Google if you don't want to believe me.

Posters here may be trying to make you feel better but the reality isn't as fluffy as anybody likes. They are talking shit to make you or themselves feel better.

figtrees · 22/04/2022 03:00

www.google.com/amp/s/metro.co.uk/2016/01/09/battersea-dogs-home-puts-down-almost-a-quarter-of-its-dogs-every-year-5611931/amp/

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6098517/RSPCA-rehomed-just-one-three-rescue-animals-nearly-30-cent-sleep-year.html

www.theguardian.com/uk/2010/aug/02/dangerous-dogs-put-down-battersea

These re 3 random links as it's too late to stay up arguing logic against people who's opinion is based entirely on their own feelings and believing their own feelings are always right.

There's more if you Google. The problem hasn't got better, especially since there are now an extremely large amount of locksown dogs that nobody wants.

Philisophigal · 22/04/2022 06:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

MissChanandlerBong80 · 22/04/2022 07:26

figtrees · 22/04/2022 00:23

You do know what happens to aggressive dogs when you give them to rescue organisations, don't you?

You might find her an individual willing to take her, but any reputable rescue would put her down. They can't risk sending a dog like that to a home where she might bite somebody.

So what’s your point? You think the OP should keep her and risk her biting a child, in which case she definitely will be put down?

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