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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To rehome my dog

49 replies

Chichimcgee · 20/04/2022 12:27

Before I get pounced on I want to explain.
I have 3 small dogs. 2 are ridiculously soft natured, are fully trained with recall and offlead etc.
1, let’s call her Annie, was mobbed for lack of a better word by a bunch of school kids when she was about a year old. I kept yelling at them to leave her but this group picked her up, dropped her, terrified her. I picked her up as soon as I could and she was shaking and peed herself while these kids were still grabbing for her. Since then she’s been really anxious and is fear aggressive.

she has never growled at me or been nasty at all to me. She does growl at my son, she has gone for passers by and a delivery guy, ripping his trousers. she’s just gone for my son, he’s autistic and is distraught at the thought of her going, he’s sobbing his heart out. I also have a newborn and Annie seems a bit jealous, she hasn’t been nasty but will sit and stare and try to get on my lap when I’m feeding baby etc

So do I rehome via dogs trust/rspca etc so she can be in a house with no children and get one on one training, or do I keep her? I know what I have to do but it’s breaking my sons heart, please offer some advice or support to help.

Yabu - Keep the dog
yanbu - rehome

OP posts:

Kiiiiiiik · 22/04/2022 07:40

As hard as it is I would rehome. For both her sake and your children's.

You can't have a dog who's aggressive toward children around young children and babies. It's not a risk worth taking imo. In the same way I'd not let any family member who was aggressive around my child (although of course it's not the dogs fault in the same way as people!).

And for her sake too. She can't be completely happy living in a home with lots of children, it would be better for her in a home without.

We rescued a cat once who we were told was fine around children.

Unfortunately after a few years, lots of vet visits and various attempts at trying to solve the issue we had to re-home for the same reason. Not aggression but she was just not happy in a busy home. She would pee herself all the time, hide when the house was full and shake. It was really hard but she now lives with an older woman a few streets down who has no children at home and it's just her. She is so relaxed now. She's a house cat too as she was terrified of going outside but has slowly started to take some steps into her garden. Sometimes it's for the best for the animal. I don't believe in rehoming for nothing but I also don't believe in never rehoming in any circumstances. Sometimes it warrants it for the animals sake.

LuckySantangelo35 · 22/04/2022 08:09

UrsulaPandress · 20/04/2022 12:35

Rescues are awash with unwanted dogs. Very difficult to find a home for a dog with issues.

@UrsulaPandress

And? So what?

should OP just allow the risk to her children to continue then? Let the dog maul her kids because it would be difficult to rehome?? Don’t be ridiculous

Aprilx · 22/04/2022 08:56

You do seem to have a good solution available with the ex and I think you should do that.

What beggars believe, is how you allowed these school children to mob your dog and why you didn’t do something about subsequent behaviour problems a long time ago. You have failed this dog and are not fit to own dogs.

Bryonny84 · 22/04/2022 09:03

A dog won't be put down if you take it a rescue centre. Phone Dogs Trust and ask for advice. I've had 2 dogs from there that were seriously difficult to rehome to "just anyone" but they both had good homes with me.

You've an autistic son, a baby and 2 other dogs. You need to properly rehome the difficult one. Honestly it's not a death sentence for the dog, it is the best thing for everyone. Putting it on the internet and selling it to someone you don't know may well be.

redfairy · 22/04/2022 12:45

This is very sad. My dog also had a bad experience when she was young and now is a nervous wreck. Fortunately we are an adult only household so minimal risk. I would have suggested a trainer but as your ex is happy to have your dog I think it's a perfect solution.

DisappearingGirl · 22/04/2022 12:54

You do seem to have a good solution available with the ex and I think you should do that.

Yes agreed. Unless a behaviourist can help.

What a horrible thing to say. The OP said she was yelling at the kids to leave the dog alone but they wouldn't, and she picked up the dog as soon as she could. The OP is trying to do the responsible thing as she is worried the dog may hurt her kids. She has already lined up a suitable home for the dog. There's absolutely no need to put the boot in and make her feel worse.

2bazookas · 22/04/2022 13:08

You tell a good dog charity she is not safe with children. If they will take her, you pay for her keep until they find a suitable adult-only home.

You tell your son the truth.

FatEaredFuck · 22/04/2022 13:09

I would rehome her in a heartbeat, with as much care as you can towards finding the best circumstance. She ideally needs immediate fostering, rehome her through a rescue.

SnackSizeRaisin · 22/04/2022 13:12

Don't rehome a dog that has bitten a child. It needs to be put to sleep. There are enough unwanted dogs out there already.

PP is talking rubbish about putting aggressive dogs to sleep. Rescues generally hire behaviourists so that the dog is suitable for rehoming.

This is not true. Rescues don't have that sort of money. Most of them don't anyway. Either they will put the dog down or it will languish in kennels for years.

It's not your fault this has happened, but you need to take responsibility for the problem yourself to ensure that your dog doesn't suffer.

figtrees · 22/04/2022 16:34

SnackSizeRaisin · 22/04/2022 13:12

Don't rehome a dog that has bitten a child. It needs to be put to sleep. There are enough unwanted dogs out there already.

PP is talking rubbish about putting aggressive dogs to sleep. Rescues generally hire behaviourists so that the dog is suitable for rehoming.

This is not true. Rescues don't have that sort of money. Most of them don't anyway. Either they will put the dog down or it will languish in kennels for years.

It's not your fault this has happened, but you need to take responsibility for the problem yourself to ensure that your dog doesn't suffer.

Thank you. Finally somebody talking sense.

We have a duty of care to our pets to do the best thing for them. Sometimes that isn't easy for us.

Putting down an aggressive dog should be the responsibility of the owner. Its cruel to send any dog to kennel with 20 plus barking dogs, to be handled by strangers. Its incredibly stressful for the animal only for them to put it down anyway. It's Selfish. It only suits us and is not what is best for the dog.

Frankly I'm shocked by the irresponsible people on this forum. Happy to have op try to rehome the dog where it might go on to bite somebody else. What would any of you say if a rescue dog lunged at your child in the street? If it wasn't put down but went on to bite a child? Would you say somebody should hsve stopped that from happening?

No substance to bloody any of you.

Original poster

Chichimcgee · 22/04/2022 22:51

I didn’t let her be mobbed by the kids, I was with my disabled child walking her when a group of 9/10 year olds ran up and started to bother her. My son was getting very stressed and has a tendency to run when anxious. I tried my best in a difficult situation and to be honest if those kids were taught to ask before going up to random dogs or had their parents with them it might not have happened.

that incident happened 2 years ago, a lot of time, money and effort has gone into trying to help her with her anxiety and fear based aggression. This is the first time she has gone for my son, this could be because of the new baby making her feel unsettled but regardless I can’t trust her.

I think it’s disgusting to say I shouldn’t be allowed dogs. I have two amazing dogs who are incredibly well trained, sociable and have never so much as growled at someone. I honestly think I’ve done my best for Annie and I’m not sure what I could have done any different.

OP posts:

figtrees · 22/04/2022 23:02

It's not about what you did with your other dogs, or the incident with the children. It's about failing your dog now and making this somebody else's problem.
You have a duty of care to this animal to either get her into a state where she can safely be rehomed, find a home willing to take on a dangerous dog or to have her put to sleep yourself. Abandoning her and making somebody else make the hard decisions is the part people are disagreeing with. Do you think she will enjoy being passed to strangers that you admit she is terrified of? What about taken to holding kennels with 40 plus dogs where at least half will be barking almost constantly? Then in the vets alone when they decide she's dangerous?

You admit yourself that you have spent time and money trying to fix this issue and it still isn't fixed.

You didn't just sign up to owning a dog as long as it was easy and convenient. Shrugging and saying 2 out if 3 isn't bad is again focusing on yourself. Think about the dogs position. It doesn't matter how unpleasant this is for you. Or do you want to just throw her to some strangers to be put to sleep while telling yourself she went to live in on the farm? You aren't 6. Grow up.

Original poster

Chichimcgee · 22/04/2022 23:07

Wow you have real issues. Where have I said I’m going to do any of that? Rescues assess dogs and I would be 100% honest.
Im not selling her or abandoning her, I’m trying to find the best solution for the dog which at the moment is she lives with my ex and is muzzled when out and continues training.

OP posts:

figtrees · 22/04/2022 23:13

Did you read any of my posts. The rescues will put this dog down immediately.

Original poster

Chichimcgee · 22/04/2022 23:17

I am responding to several posters, some of whom have said rescues wouldn’t put her down immediately. This isn’t a decision I take lightly, hence being on here asking for advice purely so I make the right choice for this dog.

OP posts:

figtrees · 22/04/2022 23:28

It sounds as though you have already made your decision and now just need validation to make yourself feel less bad.

emmakenny · 22/04/2022 23:35

Don't let the dog fanatics bother you. There are some very strange views around dogs on mn.
You haven't failed the dog. How ludicrous.

Rehome it before it attacks your children OP. You've done your best. The dog isn't anywhere as important as a child. It's an animal and they must go sometimes.

LuluBlakey1 · 22/04/2022 23:38

Up to you but I think you need to understand there are so many dogs dumped at rescue centres that she may well end up being put down.

Burnamer · 22/04/2022 23:40

OP - have you tried to help her with her anxiety issues? What have you done in terms of getting a behaviourist / specialist help?
if you have a suitable home for her to go to, it’s probably best but I just wondered what you actually did after the event To help her?

Gagaandgag · 23/04/2022 00:05

Hello. Something very similar happened to us. Our lovely dog who was attacked by 2 much larger dogs. He was never the same again. He was unpredictable and fear aggressive. This was just to other dogs but he also began getting stressed around the postman etc
He was still very loving to us.
However our son (who is also autistic) was very scared of him. This in turn made our dog scared of our son. It was an absolutely heartbreaking scenario.

We rehomed him. The day my husband took him he was so upset he couldn’t even walk. I took the children out as a distraction. It totally broke our hearts.

If your dog is a pedigree dog (as ours was) my tip is to contact that breed charity rescue.
We did this for our breed. He was rehomed to a single retired lady with lots of past experience and time to give. In that sense it’s been a very good ending for our lovely dog.

It’s been 2 years now, we miss him every day. It’s his photo on my phone screen. But we know he is happy because we get email updates!

Gagaandgag · 23/04/2022 00:12

Also some people have said that is the end for the dog because he is aggressive. That is not necessarily correct! We took our dog to a specialist centre who did intensive training building back up his tolerance of other dogs and self esteem. It was really successful!!

We did this in order for him to stay at home with us! This was before our sons fear escalated.

Please do not feel like a failure. From someone who has been there!

EmeraldShamrock1 · 23/04/2022 00:39

Yes. You and Annie will be relieved, Annie is not comfortable or suitable to be around DC.
Don't ignore the obvious.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 23/04/2022 15:20

Try a charity run centre before the RSPCA.
My cousin runs a voluntary base dog rescue centre.
They never put a healthy dog down, there'll work on rehabilitation and find a suitable owner.
You could offer a decent donation to the centre.

FateHasRedesignedMost · 23/04/2022 16:37

What if you re-homed her and she escaped or slipped her lead and went for a child? Even a small dog can kill a baby or badly maul an older child.

Personally I think a dog who has gone for children in the past and reacts badly to them is safest PTS.

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