To ask what you think the definition of a Disney dad is please?

[Purplelotuslover11]

I think my partner is one. But would like others thoughts on the definition!

One who sweeps in and flashes cash or does the fun stuff (like Disney) without any of the hard graft such as discipline, homework, and organising.

Someone I would steer clear from.

One who does all the fun stuff. Turns up to celebration days/matches but doesn’t put the work in to facilitate training. One who does the days out and no the cleaning up sick at 3 am in the morning or who rings them to see how the spelling test or apologising to their friend or whatever it is they were worried about. The parent who puts their kids on Facebook but doesn’t manage to make 6 monthly dentist and yearly options appointments. One who buys fun clothes rather than the one who actually takes them to buy school uniform.

My partner does homework, pick ups, school stuff etc which is great but sometimes it borders on excessive for instance when we are away texting his kids at times constantly, he can never just ring them it ALWAYS has to be bloody face time

Sorry I probably sound unreasonable. But am struggling at the mo with certain aspects of our life

@Purplelotuslover11

My partner does homework, pick ups, school stuff etc which is great but sometimes it borders on excessive for instance when we are away texting his kids at times constantly, he can never just ring them it ALWAYS has to be bloody face time

That just sounds like a loving father that is taking an interest in his children’s lives

My ex-husband was/is a Disney dad. So glad DS is grown up so I don’t have to deal with it anymore. So basically, he’d put up pics on FB of them together and cutesy quotations about family being so important when I knew he hadn’t seen him in weeks/months and had ignored his birthday. Yet, every now and again, when he wanted to show off to his parents he’s take DS to a family meal and fawn over him like he was the most amazing dad ever. My ex was only ever interested when things were easy with DS. When whenever I mentioned that DS was having trouble at school, he wasn’t interested.

How old are this children? If he and the kids prefer FaceTime what’s wrong with that?

Limited time with children. Only does fun stuff eg takes them to McDonald’s. Doesn’t deal with school admin/appointments, buying uniform, dentists or dr appointments, ferrying to clubs, making nutritious food etc.
If the mum went to hospital for a week he’d not be able to take over eg he’d have no idea it’s pe kit Wednesday, Brownies Thursday, dress up as a x day Friday and bring £1.

"Disney dad" I read it as all happy times and not very present, no grinding, no disciplining, no actual work. Like an absent father who sees the kids just occasionally and does all fun stuff, let's them do/eat what they want....

My friend is a mum with a Disney dad to her child. He will buy the child large/flashy toys that she can’t afford which makes him seem like the best dad ever but he doesn’t contribute towards school items/clothes/necessary items. But obviously to a small kid they’re not thinking ‘well mummy bought me my coat, my shoes, my school bag, and pays for my swimming, my football, my dance club.’ They’re just thinking ‘daddy bought me the new paw patrol tower/avengers Lego set and took me to Maccies! He’s always getting me nice things.’

I would say someone who does none of the actual ‘parenting’. For example bedtimes, education, discipline, associated laundry/feeding etc, looking after for long periods of time (not just a day trip to a fun activity). I don’t think what you’ve described is ‘Disney’ in my opinion, sounds like a loving dad! I know loads of people that always FaceTime and don’t call (with everyone not just children)!

That’s what it seems like to me, happy to do easy stuff but not there for the hard graft. I wouldn’t really see FaceTiming your kids and doing school runs/homework as a Disney dad - that’s just a Dad!

Interacting with your kids and doing school runs and homework is a really basic expectation of parenting. I’m sure you do it for your kids?

@Purplelotuslover11

Sorry I probably sound unreasonable. But am struggling at the mo with certain aspects of our life

At least it's better he, takes an interest in how they are etc.

I’d expect a parent to want to speak to or check in with their child each day. I do with my child. Even if DH works away he’d message her or ask me if she’s ok (teen)
If he’s on holiday without them then I don’t think a daily FaceTime call is odd.

I learnt about Disney Dads on here, I was assuming a DD is a dad who is separated from the mother but only does the fun stuff when it's their weekend. Can a man also be a DD if he is very much living in the family home and still with the Mum?

He doesn't sound like a Disney dad. You sound jealous of his kids. As though you are competing with them for his time.

You won't win this battle.

Only appears for the fun stuff. When you've spent an afternoon solidly convincing kids to get stuff done he'll announce it's time to go trampolining or such. If left in sole charge then he'll take them to soft play or macdonalds, anything really rather than just being home.

Sorry you’re having a hard time.

Why not start a new thread on step parenting outlining the full issue and see if people can help.

Lots of good examples on here.

Really would need more info of what makes you think he is a Disney dad.

@Bananalanacake

I learnt about Disney Dads on here, I was assuming a DD is a dad who is separated from the mother but only does the fun stuff when it's their weekend. Can a man also be a DD if he is very much living in the family home and still with the Mum?

I think it’s harder to be a Disney dad if you still live in the home just because it’s harder to escape school runs, meals, bed times etc when you’re there. As opposed an every other weekend dad - easier to slip your responsibilities if you only see your kids twice a month on the weekend!

But there definitely are elements of ‘Disney dads’ who live in the home. Like the ‘oh I’ll take the kids to the park so you have the house to yourself to clean. I’ll babysit the baby while you do the grocery shopping etc.’

I tend to call them ‘selfish arseholes’ rather than Disney dads, but I think it’s much the same concept.

It's a made up meaningless term.

TBH I thought a disney dad was one of those odd adults who are scarily obsessed with anything disney

He may or may not be a Disney Dad - doesn't particularly sound like it. What you've described sounds normal/good from the children's perspective, but if you feel you can never have any alone/private time just the two of you - for example he ALWAYS takes every call and talks for a long time, even if it's in the middle of dinner and not an emergency - I'd try to address that with him.

Don't tell him not to take his children's calls, of course! But maybe both agree you'll put your phones away if you're out for dinner or on a walk together or something. Don't make it about the children, but about the two of you also having some uninterrupted time together - no work calls, no calls from your mum or best friend or whatever. (Of course, he'll still need a way for the children, and/or their mother, to get through if it's an emergency.)

His children are and will be and should be his top priority, and if you expect that to change you're probably in for disappointment. But that doesn't mean he can't also make time for his relationship with you, just as I'll bet he has a way to avoid long non-emergency calls if he's in a work meeting or something like that.

It’s a NRP not someone you’re in a relationship with