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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To decline my school place?

524 replies

LG123 · 19/04/2022 06:20

I'm so cross, just want to yell at admissions (I won't).

My daughter got offered a place outside of catchment as my catchment school os oversubscribed. They wouldn't have to provide transport because she's under compulsory school age so my tiny 4 year old would be expected to walk 2 miles each way everyday.

Bet all the ones that drive got their place at a school round the corner.

AIBU to tell them to jog the fuck on?

OP posts:
KitKat1985 · 19/04/2022 08:48

Whilst I can understand your frustration, YAB a bit U. You applied for an over-subscribed school so it was always a risk you wouldn't get a place unfortunately.

Don't decline the school place. Accept it and ask her to be put on the waiting list for the closer school.

TabithaHazel · 19/04/2022 08:50

[quote LG123]@Whenyougonnalearn I was surprised yes, another mum out of catchment, no siblings, no SEN, not looked after (afaik) and doesn't work there got my catchment school.[/quote]
If this is really the case then you should appeal as it sounds like there has been a mistake with your application. Are you in the UK? I'm surprised that you would be offered transport for a 2 mile away school anyway - are you sure that is the case for when she is compulsory school age?

Whatwouldscullydo · 19/04/2022 08:51

Do not decline. You don't have ti send her. You can defer a term or 2. But the LA has no obligation to find you another school.

There will.ve a second round coming up. Is there another school further away but easier to get to ( ie on a bus route or walkable from a stop on a bus route). Further away doesn't necessarily mean harder to get to.

When the council put the allocation table up on the website have a look where has spaces that you could get to.

Then just wait it out on waiting lists

Original poster
LG123 · 19/04/2022 08:51

@AngelaRayner4PM when they were moving her up my initial plan was to delay and she was going to skip a room because they hadn't moved up to the next room because of vovid so she'd have missed her current room. I requested she not this skip room as I wanted to delay and she wasn't ready to be with older peers, all of her little friends are slightly younger than her.

OP posts:
Original poster
LG123 · 19/04/2022 08:54

@workingmomlife probably because not fave to face to tbh.

  1. I'm a very nervous passenger and I've tried to learn how to drive just been unsuccessful so far.
  2. As part of the delayed process in my county you have to.
  3. 2 days a week? Who said 2 days a week?
OP posts:
Original poster
LG123 · 19/04/2022 08:55

@TabithaHazel 2miles+ for CSA children under 8 and transport is provided for. Yes, UK.

OP posts:
Original poster
LG123 · 19/04/2022 08:57

@AngelaRayner4PM she doesn't need a diagnosis, she just needs time.

OP posts:
Quincythequince · 19/04/2022 08:58

[quote LG123]@Hollyhead 4 miles a day, 2 days a week. She is late August born too so only just 4.[/quote]
I think I’ve misunderstood but if she’s Late August born then she not only just 4 she’s closer to 5 and will in fact be 5 before starting school. So how does that work, reception children start aged 4 (or 5 if they turn 5 from September of the school year and school doesn’t go back until day the 4th).

I know children who turned 4 in August and started in the September.
There’s always going to be a big age gap - one of my sons friends turned 4 on August 30th, and another one turned 5 on Sept 2. Both in the same reception class.

I’ve probably misunderstood it the timings here for the UK system don’t make sense to me (unless your not in the UK).

AngelaRayner4PM · 19/04/2022 08:58

I think if your plan with nursery is to defer you should stick with that. For my DS I feel having a strong pre school year was part of what had him school ready, because although he had some catching up to do right before starting he had been supported socially to be making friends in a different way than when he was still in the toddler group and had got used to the more structured activities they did. I think if that has always been your plan then you should stick with deferral. I am surprised you applied this year for School in that case though.
Does she have developmental delays generally? My DS had hearing screening, visual screening, some health tests and extra input from health visitor and was eventually assessed at school. I would be pushing for that support now and using this extra year at nursery to get all the support in place for her to be school ready the following year. Age doesn't automatically mean they will catch up if there is a reason for the delays which are still being missed

IcedOatLatte · 19/04/2022 08:59

[quote LG123]@workingmomlife probably because not fave to face to tbh.

  1. I'm a very nervous passenger and I've tried to learn how to drive just been unsuccessful so far.
  2. As part of the delayed process in my county you have to.
  3. 2 days a week? Who said 2 days a week?[/quote]
@LG123 You said it was 2 days a week, I wondered about that too
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/04/2022 09:00

Yanbu to be pissed off

I’d accept the place but put your dd on the waiting list for the catchment school.

You can’t just say “jog the fuck on” or a politer version as she needs a school place and they won’t magic one up at the school you want.

You could say she’s not physically coming in til she’s 5, or home school if you prefer, but consider whether this is realistically in her interests

clarehhh · 19/04/2022 09:05

Take a pushchair when you fetch her to start with.

Cutie101 · 19/04/2022 09:09

Did you say she would only have to walk out 2 of the days? If so, send her 3 days a week, which is better than not at all, then next year she will be entitled to transport.
The main thing is, don't return down the place right now, accept and stay on the waiting list as then you have a chance of getting in. Opting out means you have no chance. Good luck.

Catfox1 · 19/04/2022 09:14

As a late August baby, just really consider whether delaying is the right thing to do. I’m so happy it wasn’t done much (maybe not at all?!) when I was little. I would have hated being a year behind in secondary school.

Harridan1981 · 19/04/2022 09:17

@quincythequince, I assume the child is currently 3, and will turn 4 days/wks before the Sept start date.

I agree that decelerating may be a good idea. My eldest is late Aug and it was only just coming into recommendations that parents be allowed to choose when she started school. She did reception and liked it, but hit a wall in yr 1 when it got a bit more formal. We withdrew her and home educated until yr 4 when she chose to go back. She wasn't ready tbh. Even now in yr 7 the emotional gap is obvious between her and her best friends who are September babies.

My youngest is an Oct baby and will start school this sept at nigh on 5, he's much more ready.

Ramekin · 19/04/2022 09:17

I would definitely accept the place, and defer the start.
That surely gives you more options than declining, and more time to see how things pan out.

My summer born started Reception after Easter. It was absolutely the best thing for them, but I did have a bit of hostility about it from other parents, not sure why really.

I’m very happy with our decision to keep dd with her cohort, so missing most of YR rather than doing the whole of it a year late - DC is Y6 now and very ready for secondary.

I don’t think starting after Easter had any real downsides for dc, despite what everyone predicted, just lots of positives. She made friends and settled in much better than she would have done 6 months earlier.

You might also decide starting part way through YR is right for your dd a year from now, so better to keep your options open if you can.

Quincythequince · 19/04/2022 09:19

[quote LG123]@Hollyhead 4 miles a day, 2 days a week. She is late August born too so only just 4.[/quote]
Re-read it. Sorry OP. You meant she will be only just 4 when she starts, makes sense now.
I guess you could defer it, although I am not sure what secondary school spots do about that.
If she is 12 before her year 7 year starts, I am not sure that they would allow ot.

There is no consistency between primary and secondary education in our LA.

Original poster
LG123 · 19/04/2022 09:20

Sorry don't know what I was on about 2 days week, 5 days a week 🙈

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoing · 19/04/2022 09:22

@LG123

I'm so cross, just want to yell at admissions (I won't).

My daughter got offered a place outside of catchment as my catchment school os oversubscribed. They wouldn't have to provide transport because she's under compulsory school age so my tiny 4 year old would be expected to walk 2 miles each way everyday.

Bet all the ones that drive got their place at a school round the corner.

AIBU to tell them to jog the fuck on?

@LG123 - I don’t have DC but DB and SIL have a summer born child who’ll be 4 in June and is similar to your DD as in no way would he cope with a 2 mile walk to school. They currently drive or walk but even walking or on scooter etc he can be very stubborn re not doing it (threenager!).

They have no choice but to send him to school in September I think…

I’d delay the start for your DD as you can do this.

Also for what it’s worth I agree with time as opposed to a diagnosis for what?!

When I was 4/5 starting school I was dropped by car or walked. I coped fine with both those but I recall having troubles tying shoelaces etc but this was because I had a squint which had had an operation and I wore glasses! No SN etc!

Whenyougonnalearn · 19/04/2022 09:22

Op

Is her nursery very local?
Do you like it?

ballsdeep · 19/04/2022 09:24

[quote LG123]@ballsdeep why would they be at a disadvantage starting reception at 5? My 3 year old can't wipe her own bottom, she isn't even toilet trained - she just isn't ready, we have tried.[/quote]
She wouldn't be able to go anyway of not toilet trained.

12345qaz · 19/04/2022 09:25

[quote LG123]@Whenyougonnalearn I was surprised yes, another mum out of catchment, no siblings, no SEN, not looked after (afaik) and doesn't work there got my catchment school.[/quote]
This doesn’t make sense- if you are in the same position (no higher up the admissions criteria re siblings/SEN etc) but you are IN catchment you should have been offered a place before they turned to children OUT of catchment.

Did you put this school as your 1st choice?
Are you sure you are in catchment?
Is this a faith school? (Sometimes they have an extra application form to fill in).

My advice would be accept the place. That buys you time to think and work out what to do at least.

Original poster
LG123 · 19/04/2022 09:26

@Whenyougonnalearn her nursery is great!

OP posts:
Whenyougonnalearn · 19/04/2022 09:28

Op

The mother you mention
From a previous year?

Whenyougonnalearn · 19/04/2022 09:28

[quote LG123]@Whenyougonnalearn her nursery is great![/quote]
And how do you get there?