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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

15 year old picking up sibling from nursery

73 replies

misssunshine4040 · 18/04/2022 19:34

I'm having an absolute nightmare with childcare at the moment.
My 4 year old is due to start school after the summer and I have his breakfast club and after school club all sorted for him.

Due to a change in circumstances, my current pick up from his nursery has fallen through and I also my childcare for the summer.

I am looking to enrol him full time private childcare until he's in school.

My responsible 15 year old looks after him a few hours a week after school when he is dropped off until my shift is finished etc.

Would it be unreasonable to think he could pick him up or drop him off to a childminder or nursery if I have an early or late finish?

Would this be against rules or would this be acceptable?

OP posts:

LittleDoritt · 18/04/2022 21:31

Siblings start to collect from our primary school as soon as they reach secondary school age - so from 11. It's totally common practice and no one questions it. I'm a bit gobsmacked by some of these replies.

Doveyouknow · 18/04/2022 21:38

I wouldn't expect it to be a problem where I live. It's fairly common here for siblings to collect younger siblings from school here. Secondary schools finish earlier than primary schools to allow for it.

DuggeeHugPlease · 18/04/2022 21:38

My eldest is in reception so not something I've given much thought too but while waiting to collect from school a teenage sibling was not allowed to collect their reception aged brother and I heard the teacher say they can't let him go with anyone under 18. I was quite surprised by that but it's their rules.

Ducksurprise · 18/04/2022 21:53

What will a nursery do if you did send him, call SS who will not be interested?

Dinoteeth · 18/04/2022 21:54

Op if it's a private nursery you could make the point that you are the paying customer and want your nursery child to be handed to older sibling.

I wouldn't mention age, if they ask I'd say oh he's 16 (meaning about to turn 16)

Original poster

misssunshine4040 · 18/04/2022 22:00

@ElegantlyTouched

Do you know any of the other parents? If so, could you ask that your younger child be handed to them, and then to your older child? That way thr nursery is covered.

This is actually a such a good idea !

OP posts:

Tabitha789 · 18/04/2022 22:00

It's his brother. He's not the father. You already put a lot on him, he's 15... let him be 15!

AnneElliott · 18/04/2022 22:03

I'd just say he's 16. How will they know? I only have 1 DS but I've been adding years onto him for lots of reasons. Luckily he's rather on the tall side.

Original poster

misssunshine4040 · 18/04/2022 22:03

@Tabitha789

It's his brother. He's not the father. You already put a lot on him, he's 15... let him be 15!

Excuse me? Picking him up or dropping him to nursery a couple of times a week is not putting a lot on him and he's happy to do it.

He gets paid to do it also. He's aware I have to work so we enjoy a nicer quality of life etc and they both have a very close bond.

Very rude and judgemental

OP posts:

Kanaloa · 18/04/2022 22:17

@Ducksurprise

What will a nursery do if you did send him, call SS who will not be interested?

In my experience they will refuse to hand the child over and call the emergency contact if the parent cannot or refuses to collect - most nurseries ask for two adult emergency contacts.

And please don’t go in and be arsey saying things like ‘I’m a paying customer so you have to do xyz.’ It doesn’t work that way, just because you pay doesn’t mean the staff can break policy for you and it will make you look like a total dick. Lie if you must, or ask another parent to pick up on behalf of your teen if you can.

Saracen · 19/04/2022 00:35

How would the nursery know the age of the person collecting the child? Do you not just say "John Sunshine has permission to collect my child"? I should think that someone aged 15y 9m looks very similar to someone aged 16y.

WeOnlyTalkAboutBruno · 19/04/2022 00:38

I do think they’d ask. I could envisage “older sibling collecting tonight” “oh ok that’s fine. Can I just double check how old because we have a policy…”

alphabetsoup1980 · 19/04/2022 06:02

I'm sorry, but I do feel sorry for your 15 year old and the impact that this is enivitably having on their life!

PinkPlantCase · 19/04/2022 06:27

OP I would look at absolutely any option that would mean you don’t have to quit your job. Especially if you have a promotion coming up.

I’m very dept adverse but I’d go into dept to get through 1 summer if it was the difference between leaving my job or not.

Original poster

misssunshine4040 · 19/04/2022 07:21

@alphabetsoup1980

I'm sorry, but I do feel sorry for your 15 year old and the impact that this is enivitably having on their life!

Impact it's having on his life? Such as? It's not preventing him doing anything or living his life?

Minding his little brother a few hours a week. Picking him up on his way home from school once or twice a week?
I had a part time job at that age and did lots of chores around the house.

He gets paid and well rewarded for helping with him. He is always allowed to say no and that would also be fine too.

OP posts:

Original poster

misssunshine4040 · 19/04/2022 07:23

@PinkPlantCase

OP I would look at absolutely any option that would mean you don’t have to quit your job. Especially if you have a promotion coming up.

I’m very dept adverse but I’d go into dept to get through 1 summer if it was the difference between leaving my job or not.

I'm trying I really am.

There is no way round the fact I won't be able to pick him up and drop him off myself every single day however due to shifts so my son would have to do this a few times.

The family member who used to do this for me has had a life changing diagnosis last week and I would never expect them to carry on doing this.

OP posts:

mycatisannoying · 19/04/2022 07:26

It's a lot of responsibility for a 15 year old.

LondonQueen · 19/04/2022 07:27

My nursery doesn't allow under 18s to collect unless they're the parent.

Bobbybobbins · 19/04/2022 07:32

Good luck OP - I hope you can figure something out! Sounds like a great idea, as you said, only got a few hours each week. It's great you have such a lovely responsible DS.

Mumdiva99 · 19/04/2022 15:53

@mycatisannoying

It's a lot of responsibility for a 15 year old.

Not really. At 15 I regularly babysat for 2 kids- all evening or tea time and bed. Plus me and my friends all worked in shops at 15 1/2 - where you dealt with customers, cash etc etc He's being asked to collect his brother not perform brain surgery......

itsgettingweird · 19/04/2022 16:02

If the nursery won't allow this have you thought of approaching local colleges to see if anyone ending their childcare courses this year would be interested in a PT job?

Underfrighter · 19/04/2022 16:22

I think this is fine if nursery allow it. A4 year old could be in reception where its generally allowed. Your son is 16 in a few months and old enough to do things that have a lot more responsibility than doing a pick up and a couple of hours babysitting. If it was every day it would probably be a bit much but a few hours a couple of times a week isnt much.

You could always suggest (if you're able) that you call nursery and have a handover on the phone at a set time so he isnt responsible for any handover meetings or accident reporting etc just pick up

Momijin · 19/04/2022 16:31

I would easily trust my 13 year old to do this but it wouldn't be allowed.

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