to not bother giving the balls back?

[Djbow]

I don't get on with my neighbours. She's an unpleasant nasty person who previously told her kids in front of me (and half the street, as she has a voice like a foghorn) that I'm 'mental' and 'have a screw loose'. He's an ineffectual twat who can't or won't discipline his kids so they run rings round him. As a result, their numerous children are rude, arrogant and behave in an utterly entitled manner.

I avoid them as much as possible.

Yesterday I was out enjoying the sunshine doing some gardening. Next doors kids can see me from their window, and at first I can hear them saying what's fatty doing with those plants.. She's a fat cow, Big fat cow. Then they're chanting fat cow, fat bitch, etc. This went on for a good 10-15 mins or more.

It's not the first time I've heard them call me names. Last year I was off to a friends 40th, as I left the house they were outside gawping and I heard the kids say 'she looks disgusting, she's so fat'.

(I'm a size 16 fwiw, but tbh even if I was a size 32 they shouldn't be saying it).

Onto the balls...so in summer they typically kick at least 1 ball over daily. The fence is 7ft so there is no reason for this to keep happening other than that they are careless and expect to get the balls back. On Wednesday this week it was 5. I throw them back over when I see them (mainly because I can't bear them yelling over the fence 'give us our ball back' - no please or thank you of course!). Today they've kicked 3 over so far. AIBU to chuck them in the bin rather than give them back? I'm not going to reward the little sods for insulting me repeatedly.

And before anyone suggests speaking to the parents, another neighbour recently had a run in with them over the ball issue, dad gave it the whole the whole kids will be kids, they're only playing and it's kind to give the ball back (yes they are Be Kind twats, of course). And the kids were basically laughing at the neighbour, taking the piss, 'you got told' etc.

Kids are between 8 and 11 so old enough to know better.

They are awful. My children are older, so I start to think have I forgotten what young children are like, are they all rude like this? (as well as screeching and banging constantly, if its not the ball thudding against the fence they're slamming their door off the hinges!) but then I see/hear my other next door neighbours whose children are lovely, and think it isn't me! Nice neighbours children had friends over today and just played nicely in the garden - lots of kid chatter and giggling which made a pleasant change from the cacophony typically coming from the other side.

For my next house I want to be at least 30ft away from neighbours in each direction, if not more. My present house is detached but the awful lot next door are only about 6-7ft away which is too close.

@WelshyMaud

Neighbours sound awful but don't listen to people saying keep the balls or damage them.

I've been on the other side of the fence with regards to balls. NOT the other behaviour you describe mind (I promise) - but usually one ball a week ends up next door. No damage, just a ball on neighbours lawn.

Our neighbour decided she didn't want to return them any more. I took advice from a friend who works for the police - and after a few weeks, 6 'retained' balls and a mouthful off the neighbour who told me to fuck off, she's not giving them back, I reported her to 101.

Neighbour got a visit from a PCSO and instructed that she must return them and is not entitled to keep them. 6 balls sailed back over the wall that night . Same PCSO then visited us and we've been told that keeping a ball isn't theft but is classed as Anti Social Behaviour - and repeated instances can then be treated as theft and will result in follow up visits from police if further incidences are reported and potential prosecution.

So no, you're not entitled to keep or pop them as many people are telling you and I'd be very wary of doing so.

disgusting behaviour on your part. sort your kids out ffs

No way on this Earth I'd throw back balls to someone who called me names & was rude to me. Literally fuck that.

Little update.
I've not thrown the balls back yet. No one has knocked and no more balls have come over since.
However this evening I was outside quietly and peacefully staining my fence and one of the kids starts rattling the 6ft panel (I think was actually hanging from it) saying 'stop painting our fence". I ignored this, and was then called a cunt. By a child no more than 11.

@Djbow Do you have cctv? I’d certainly be installing it front and back garden to record the twat family if they try and get in your garden etc.

Argh! Yanbu. They sound awful. I’d stab every single ball and throw it back over. “Sorry, I sat on it an it popped. Probably because I’m such a fat cow! Hahahah!!” Little shits.

Neighbour got a visit from a PCSO and instructed that she must return them and is not entitled to keep them
6 balls?! Ridiculous. I don’t think my DC have thrown that many over in the 10yrs we’ve lived at our address.
I’d nod politely at the PCSO and then those balls would disappear. No way would I keep throwing them back. Your kids need to stop throwing them over!!!

OP I’d make those balls disappear and then deny all knowledge.

Ridiculous story about the Pcso. I’d just deny all knowledge. They police guaranteed won’t give a single shit.

Leave the balls and set up cctv to prove trespass and damage

I have CCTV at the front. Am going to get some for the back. And I saw a motion activated sprinkler in the middle of Lidl so might get one of them too, I'm not on a water meter thankfully and it might stop foxes and cats shitting in my garden which seems to be happening increasingly often, so win win.

I can do without any more name calling or them actively trying to damage my fence though.

Record them and go to the police, it’s harassment surely

Normally I’d say give the balls back but as they’re so nasty don’t.
Its so upsetting them calling you fat. Nasty, mean and cruel

Put them in a bin bag and store somewhere in your house. Wait for dad to appear. When he’s said his piece make it clear that they will only be returned when his kids have apologised and asked politely. Make it clear that if there is any more name calling there will be no further returns.

My rude neighbour's kids went through a phase of chucking stuff in my garden for 'fun'. One day I counted multiple footballs, a scooter, space hopper, random chewed up food and clothes from their washing line. The parents never apologised/told their kids to stop doing it, or even reminded them to use basic manners when asking to get their stuff back. They weren't really young children either probably the youngest was about 8 at the time. Eventually I got so sick of dealing with it that I just dumped all their shit out on the street.

I'd pop them with a knife and then chuck them back over

I'd say choose the path of least résistance. Anything that requires you to think for hours about how to deflate balls or what to say when they come to ask for them is just not sustainable.

I'd just chuck them out in the street. This way you've done no damage and you haven't kept them. If they get them back great for them. If a car runs it over or it gets stolen that's not on you. You just found this ball in your garden and didn't know whose it was so chucked it out. They can't prove otherwise.

How awful. You mustn't damage the balls, just take them indoors and wait for them to knock front door for them. Don't answer for a couple of days. They'll get fed up. Ignore them as far as you can. Police will say they must be returned, but that doesn't have to be immediately.

My kids sometimes end up with balls/dog toys (when they are playing with the dog) going over the fence, luckily we get along with all our neighbours though and they end up coming back.

In your situation I would put a small, unnoticeable hole in each and every one before throwing them back over, they'll slowly go flat and be unusable lol. Serves them right for being little turds.

If my kids said a single bad word against my neighbour she wouldn't accept it and tell
Me immediately and I would sort it straight away. Would never tolerate that but have always had an understanding with my neighbour to tell me anything she she's. She will throw a ball back if they deserve it, if not we work together to sort out manners and behaviour, so they can be more respectful

Just hit the little twats with a “I know you are but what am I” whenever they call you names. Or keep ignoring the horrible little thugs but I think I’d prefer to say that in a sing song voice

How is it a good idea to involve anyone else in this?

This is a really tricky situation. In general balls going over the fence is fine - our neighbour’s play cricket and football and we get many, many balls over. It only bothers me if they are hard as we have small children and I worry about hard cricket balls hitting them on the head whilst playing. But soft or normal balls are fine: it’s nice for children to play outside and reasonable/easy to throw back (that said if I haven’t been outside for a while there’s a delay).

these children sound awful, but it’s pretty tragic that a child younger than 11 is so vile and uses the word “Cunt”. They can’t have a great home life. I think you need to just go round there and lay down the law a little “your child called me a cunt today, and has said XYZ. I think we need to establish what’s acceptable and what’s not here - I’m happy to throw balls back but not when they are being so rude.”

if they are still unpleasant or the mother responds badly then fine, deflate them.

just throwing them back deflated without a discussion with the parents is going to end very badly.

Agree with others, puncture them and then throw them back. Awful behaviour. When my son was young and accidentally kicked a ball over neighbours fence, I made him go to their front door, apologise and politely ask for it to be thrown back. As everyone's kids should.

This. It's all well and good us sitting here and saying from our computers 'oh, take them to give to other children' and in an ideal world maybe that's what you'd do, but in reality if you get rid of these balls that the children love then they will be angry and I'd think it wouldn't be worth it for you. Remember the thread where the DH simply politely asked the neighbour not to park across their drive and it escalated to the neighbour standing in the street staring at the house and police involvement? You have to live next door to these kids. I'd make a comment about 'fatty eating them' or something but honestly, I wouldn't destroy the balls as much as I'd want to stab them because I'd be concerned the kids would go mad and it simply wouldn't be worth it. Be careful.

I've not thrown the balls back yet. I now have at least 10. No one has knocked.

There is no point in making a sarcastic remark, they are far too thick to get it. I tried that kind of jokey remark on them a couple of years ago and their response was literally to cry and say to their mum I was being horrible to them. Who of course responded saying not to speak to me because I'm crazy etc.

Anyway, not giving the balls back has made me realise how many come over, and how frequently. I have high fences, there is no reason for this many balls (and they're all full size, hard footballs) to be hit over constantly. I did think not getting them back immediately might make them more careful, but apparently not on current evidence.