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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not bother giving the balls back?

103 replies

Djbow · 18/04/2022 12:30

I don't get on with my neighbours. She's an unpleasant nasty person who previously told her kids in front of me (and half the street, as she has a voice like a foghorn) that I'm 'mental' and 'have a screw loose'. He's an ineffectual twat who can't or won't discipline his kids so they run rings round him. As a result, their numerous children are rude, arrogant and behave in an utterly entitled manner.

I avoid them as much as possible.

Yesterday I was out enjoying the sunshine doing some gardening. Next doors kids can see me from their window, and at first I can hear them saying what's fatty doing with those plants.. She's a fat cow, Big fat cow. Then they're chanting fat cow, fat bitch, etc. This went on for a good 10-15 mins or more.

It's not the first time I've heard them call me names. Last year I was off to a friends 40th, as I left the house they were outside gawping and I heard the kids say 'she looks disgusting, she's so fat'.

(I'm a size 16 fwiw, but tbh even if I was a size 32 they shouldn't be saying it).

Onto the balls...so in summer they typically kick at least 1 ball over daily. The fence is 7ft so there is no reason for this to keep happening other than that they are careless and expect to get the balls back. On Wednesday this week it was 5. I throw them back over when I see them (mainly because I can't bear them yelling over the fence 'give us our ball back' - no please or thank you of course!). Today they've kicked 3 over so far. AIBU to chuck them in the bin rather than give them back? I'm not going to reward the little sods for insulting me repeatedly.

And before anyone suggests speaking to the parents, another neighbour recently had a run in with them over the ball issue, dad gave it the whole the whole kids will be kids, they're only playing and it's kind to give the ball back (yes they are Be Kind twats, of course). And the kids were basically laughing at the neighbour, taking the piss, 'you got told' etc.

Kids are between 8 and 11 so old enough to know better.

OP posts:
LadyMonicaBaddingham · 18/04/2022 16:14

@Hugasauras

'Sorry, I'm such a big fat cow I ate them.' Grin
Yaaaaassss!!
oakleaffy · 18/04/2022 16:16

[quote Lemondrop2]@oakleaffy is right. A woman died when exactly this sort of incident escalated.

Just throw the balls back over and move house in 3 years, as you plan to.

The advice on here (re. stabbing balls etc.) is sympathetic, but it won’t improve your situation. I am sorry this is happening to you.[/quote]
It was terrifying how it escalated.
Some problem families really get off on terrorising neighbours in this way.
A man was also murdered by an aggressive neighbour.
It just isn’t worth engaging in any way as they sound horrible.
Best wishes, OP.

Teuchterlass · 18/04/2022 16:20

Buy a rose bush. Ball comes over, stick a pin in it, cut thorn from rose bush and stick it in the hole. Return it.
If questioned”Oh dear it landed in my rose bush”

Hertsgirl10 · 18/04/2022 16:35

So everyone around them should be kind but they can be cunts 😂 umm naa it doesn’t work like that sorry!

How about just say oh I haven’t seen any balls sorry.

Put cctv up in back garden so you can catch the little shits doing or anything things they shouldn’t, and keep reporting the family.

Feeellostindirection · 18/04/2022 16:36

Tell them you fell on the balls with your humongous amount of weight and they are no longer inflated, then throw them back deflated (by whatever means). Ps I'm also size 16 and would happily do this for you if I could.

Crankley · 18/04/2022 16:37

All these are brilliant ideas but try not to escalate anything between you and the neighbours if you're planning to move at some point as don't you now have to give info about neighbour problems when selling your house?

2DogsOnMySofa · 18/04/2022 16:41

Stab a knife and pop each batt before you throw it back over the fence

Beetlewings · 18/04/2022 16:47

Roll them in animal shit and then pop them back over the fence

Djbow · 18/04/2022 17:33

I didn't expect 8 year olds to basically take the piss out of other adults and for their parents to do absolutely nothing - they may not have heard what they were saying to me, but the dad certainly heard the kids commenting about what he'd said to the neighbour (who from what I can gather had just said they were fed up with the ball bombardment, nothing unreasonable).

Hence why its not worth me saying anything -the children will never get told off, and if anything will take the piss more.

Going back to why she says I'm 'mental', it goes back to 2 incidents about a week apart some years ago, in the first I'd asked the children not to climb on my wall. Their response was its our wall so you can't do anything - I told them it wasn't their wall and not to climb on it. The second was when I was trying to reverse onto my driveway, and 2 of them were stood on the driveway -so I beeped them to indicate they needed to move out the way...apparently I shouldn't have done either and the fact I did means I am crazy.

I don't think the dad will retaliate, he can't stand up to his kids so I'm not scared of him. The worst that will happen is they'll keep namecalling and she will as well. That said if there is a way to feel I've made a point without disposing of of damaging the balls that would be my preference.

So I've taken the balls in for now. I'm going to see if I can deflate them as suggested, I do think that is quite a good solution if I can get our pump to work, and I do expect it will lead to less balls coming over.

OP posts:
NeedAnOffSwitch · 18/04/2022 17:44

I don't know if it would be strong enough but maybe a thin straw (like one from a quenchy cup drink) might do the trick. Any hollow tube (like the ball inflated attachment of a bike or foot pump) can deflate a ball by simply piercing the air valve with it so the air rushes out.

dannydyerismydad · 18/04/2022 17:50

They sound horrible. I wouldn't be going out of my way to help them at all.

We have an arrangement with our lovely neighbours that they return balls when they find them, not when we ask for them. The only time we've had to bother our neighbour to search her garden is when DS managed to kick his shoe over the fence with a ball. We did want the shoe back!

HeckinMiffed · 18/04/2022 18:20

@Longingforatikihut

I am much bigger than you (size wise) and had a similar issue. I started taking the balls and saying I had eaten them, that's why I got so fat. Balls stopped coming over the wall.
This is brilliant!! Said with a sweet smile, its perfect! 🙂
Kiitos · 18/04/2022 18:28

Throw them back. But make a subtle puncture on one every once in a while. That’s what I would do. You get your revenge but not in a way that anyone can prove or get at you for

Neverreturntoathread · 18/04/2022 18:42

Stop throwing the balls back

Don’t throw them away

Leave them where they land. Eventually the kids will have to come round and ring your bell to ask for their balls back. If they have to do that every time they’ll get better aim.

WelshyMaud · 18/04/2022 18:57

Neighbours sound awful but don't listen to people saying keep the balls or damage them.

I've been on the other side of the fence with regards to balls. NOT the other behaviour you describe mind (I promise) - but usually one ball a week ends up next door. No damage, just a ball on neighbours lawn.

Our neighbour decided she didn't want to return them any more. I took advice from a friend who works for the police - and after a few weeks, 6 'retained' balls and a mouthful off the neighbour who told me to fuck off, she's not giving them back, I reported her to 101.

Neighbour got a visit from a PCSO and instructed that she must return them and is not entitled to keep them. 6 balls sailed back over the wall that night Grin. Same PCSO then visited us and we've been told that keeping a ball isn't theft but is classed as Anti Social Behaviour - and repeated instances can then be treated as theft and will result in follow up visits from police if further incidences are reported and potential prosecution.

So no, you're not entitled to keep or pop them as many people are telling you and I'd be very wary of doing so.

OakPine · 18/04/2022 19:46

If the kids come to the door, ask them to send their father over.
When he comes to the door say
Look mate your kids repeatedly called me a fat cow, so I'm not making a special effort for them.
When they stop name calling, the balls will start to get thrown back.

Picklequeen88 · 18/04/2022 19:52

@whiteroseredrose yeeeesssss!!!!!! 😆😆🤣💩 Give the shits what they deserve!!

Djbow · 18/04/2022 20:46

No way the dad will come round, he's too gutless. He'd let his kids climb my gate, or at least turn a blind eye, but its unlikely he'd actually come to my door.

I'd be astonished if the police bothered tbh, we live in London and you can't get them to come out for any actual crime like burglary, muggings or drug dealing. It would be a bit rich if they had any interest in this. That said if the police did call, I'd say I knew nothing about it and had thrown all the balls back. And I'd explain how difficult the neighbours are. Which I'm sure would result in no further action being taken :)

I'm still working on trying to deflate the balls. One of them doesn't seem to have a valve so I might have to chuck that back, possibly after rolling it through the compost heap.

OP posts:
jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 18/04/2022 20:57

@WelshyMaud have you considered stopping your children kicking the ball over.
I think that's anti social.
Imagine seeking police advice over a football.
Entitled much?!

PearlclutchersInc · 18/04/2022 21:02

@WelshyMaud You sould dreadful....6 balls and didnt occur to you to get your kids to b a bit more considerate.

The PCSO sounds really unfair as well. Small place and a mate were they?

WelshyMaud · 18/04/2022 21:10

The PCSO sounds really unfair as well. Small place and a mate were they?

Large place and an unknown PCSO following their usual procedure...

We're really not dreadful...i could write war and peace on the issues our neighbour's caused but trying not to take over the thread as really not relevant.

My only point was regarding the ball-stealing suggestions as not the best idea.

Pyri · 18/04/2022 21:15

@WelshyMaud

Neighbours sound awful but don't listen to people saying keep the balls or damage them.

I've been on the other side of the fence with regards to balls. NOT the other behaviour you describe mind (I promise) - but usually one ball a week ends up next door. No damage, just a ball on neighbours lawn.

Our neighbour decided she didn't want to return them any more. I took advice from a friend who works for the police - and after a few weeks, 6 'retained' balls and a mouthful off the neighbour who told me to fuck off, she's not giving them back, I reported her to 101.

Neighbour got a visit from a PCSO and instructed that she must return them and is not entitled to keep them. 6 balls sailed back over the wall that night Grin. Same PCSO then visited us and we've been told that keeping a ball isn't theft but is classed as Anti Social Behaviour - and repeated instances can then be treated as theft and will result in follow up visits from police if further incidences are reported and potential prosecution.

So no, you're not entitled to keep or pop them as many people are telling you and I'd be very wary of doing so.

This is awful, I cannot believe you think you’re in the right here! Shock
Lemonlady22 · 18/04/2022 21:17

Bin them, I do because I'm sick to death of the screechy, banging, loud kids next door...and their awful parents!

winterchills · 18/04/2022 21:30

They sound absolutely vile the lot of them tbh. How can kids say that to an adult or anyone for that matter!!

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 18/04/2022 21:34

The deflation idea is a great option if it can be done quickly. Personally Id like to stab them with something fine then throw straight back over so they slowly go down... but deflating is probably a more ethical option.

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