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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let my DC read Harry Potter

100 replies

Heathofhares · 17/04/2022 22:46

and the Order of the Phoenix? She is 8 and quite immature. She has just discovered Harry Potter and is desperate to read them all. I am worried that the last few books are too scary and have very complex themes that she will be upset by (She didn't manage to watch Frozen until she was 7 and still thinks Moana is too scary...)

She is adamant that IABU not to give her all the books and let her see all the films. Who is right here?

OP posts:
MissChanandlerBong80 · 18/04/2022 07:14

I actually think that Chamber of Secrets and goblet of Fire are the scariest of the 7 books.

UnaOfStormhold · 18/04/2022 07:15

We're trying to spread out the books as much as possible with DS7 because they get so dark but it's hard when lots of children around him are reading them - his slightly older cousin offered to lend him OotP and he was so happy I didn't have the heart to say no. I managed to stop her offering him HBP. We did watch the first film but he found that a bit scary in parts so he's going to get to the films a long way behind the books.

Newuser82 · 18/04/2022 07:16

My son started reading the Harry Potter books aged 6. He loved them and raced through the first three. We would also watch each film when he had finished the book. I stopped after that as I thought the same as you that the later ones were far too dark. This was a child who was and still is at 9 scared by scooby doo and finding nemo! What he did was become obsessed with finding out what happened so he would ask literally everyone he knew to tell him what happened and pieced so much together that we figured he may as well read them. I would say he read the rest around 7/8 then watched the films. He has never been scared of either and has read them probably 3/4 times now at aged 9.

3WildOnes · 18/04/2022 07:28

I am surprised so many people would stop their children reading a (children’s) book that they wanted to read. My son read all of the Harry Potter books before he was 8. I think when they are younger a lot of the darker stuff goes over their heads. He has re read the books many times each time taking a little more in I think. I am glad I never banned him from reading them. The Harry Potter books really set off a love for reading for him, he has been a book worm ever since, reading for hours every day.

newlabelwriter · 18/04/2022 07:35

My dd read them when she was young but tbh so much of it was lost on her but she still got the general idea. She’s 15 now and just gone back and read them all and loves them and actually really gets them now.

ScaldedBy · 18/04/2022 07:39

Never seen anything wrong with Harry potter and never got the parents or religious folks who deemed it inappropriate and deprived their kids of the magic of it. Kids don't read enough these days I'd see that as a win if they wanted to... It isn't full of evil and destruction and it's not "scary" especially when it's being read as opposed to watching... YABU IMO.

strrawberriesandcream · 18/04/2022 07:43

My 8 year old (year 3) has read them all. It hasn't affected her in any way, she enjoyed them all. We have watched all the films together too, I believe they are PG and PG13.

Depends on the child's maturity and how much they can understand. If they are likely to get upset or worried, or just not understand, then it's probably too soon.

I'm fine with her reading children's fantasy, things that aren't real. She knows none of it is real and wouldn't happen in real life. I wouldn't allow her to read or watch 'real' violence such as stabbing/guns/physical fighting or anything sexual.

Her teacher told me that her reading level is that of a 10-11 year old, year 6, so I am comfortable letting her go further with reading because she enjoys it so much.

Notjustanymum · 18/04/2022 07:44

Books aimed at children have not always been benign, though, OP.
Some of my favourites as a 7-year old were The Secret Garden, A Little Prince, Treasure Island, Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass, the Cautionary Tales of Hilaire Belloc, The Ghost stories and Essays of Charles Dickens, Enid Blyton Adventures Etc.
I found that unlike with TV or Film, it’s much easier to handle dark stories committed to the page and it actually teaches a child to separate fiction from reality, so I’d let her read the books, but not watch the films until she’s reached the film rating age…

NeurologicallySpeaking · 18/04/2022 07:46

My eight year old read all HP just before her eighth birthday. She is a very fast reader. We stalled initially but she was v keen and didn't seem scared at all. The films on the other hand she is not allowed to watch all of them. I can't remember without looking if it is only film 1 and 2 or 1-3 we looked up as suitable for her age. She knows she has to wait for the others. She was also scared of Moana when younger but reading just doesn't affect her in that way.

Bunnycat101 · 18/04/2022 07:48

I think the latter books are quite mature really to properly get. There are children that have watched lots of the films/started the books in my 5yos class and it feels like such a waste. Ironically my daughter is one of the more advanced readers in the class but there seems to be a smugness from some of the other parents about how their children have outgrown fairies etc and see how into HP.

First two books feel ok younger but to get the most out of them I’d have thought upper primary and beyond into teenage years. There does seem to be a rush to do them much younger. I read the later books as a young adult and loved them. I still remember getting order of the phoenix at midnight and reading it through.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 18/04/2022 07:50

I think the main reason for stopping would be because they later books are better when a bit older as a lot of stuff goes over their heads at 8. (I think I was quite lucky to be in that generation of waiting for the next one and growing up with the characters!)

But the Basilisk is definitely one of the scarier creatures...

Nearlyadoctor · 18/04/2022 07:55

As others have said , they’ll only be as scary as her imagination allows.
Dd read all the books before she was 10 but chose not to watch the films until she was 13.
She’s always found the cinema difficult, we had to leave when we went to see Brave as she got so scared.
I asked her about how she can read things but not watch them and she said it’s because imagination and reality are very different. I remember thinking that was very eloquent for a then 10/11 year old.

Moochio · 18/04/2022 08:00

I would let her read them she can use her own imagination. I wouldn't let her watch the films.

JaninaDuszejko · 18/04/2022 08:04

he found the Sound of Music too tense and traumatic!

To be fair the graveyard scene is terrifying and probably easier for a child to imagine being in that situation than in the fantasy world of HP. Teenage DD bawled her eyes out at Sybil's death in Downton, as did many adults I'm sure. Sometimes being upset shows a child is absolutely old enough to understand the topic fully, in some ways I'm more concerned about those parents who say 'oh yes, my 8 yo regularly watched 18 rated horrors and loves them' because that child is being desensitised to violence.

DH has read the HP books to all the DC, it slows them down a lot and he's there to discuss anything with them. The DDs (now teenagers) liked to watch the films once they had read the book, DS (who is 9) is currently being read POA but has said he doesn't want to watch the films.

godmum56 · 18/04/2022 08:08

@CthulhuInDisguise

I grew up with no censorship of reading material, which gave me an insatiable love of reading. I treated my son the same way- he could come to me if he was curious about something he had read, or was scared or upset, or could just stop reading it. I would let her try and give her permission to not finish it if she's not enjoying it (it seems to be harder to give up reading a book than almost anything else).
same here
FloorWipes · 18/04/2022 08:10

I have watched all the films with my 3 year old several times. She loves them.

PlainJaneSuperbrainthe2nd · 18/04/2022 08:10

I would have waited to start HP with mine but, unfortunately, several friends have seen all the films by year 2 and they tell her things that happened - DD is just 7 and we've just finished book 3 (I'm reading to her- she's not able to read them herself, very backward for MN Wink) I want her to read the books first as I don't think you can properly engage in a book once you've seen a film/tv adaptation. DD got very upset when she thought Buckbeak had died so I had to tell her he survived before we got to the end! I've also said we will wait a while for book 4 - she definitely isn't ready for that content and I've explained why. She is keen and loves the books but understands.
I do think it is fine for kids to read books and not 'get' everything - I did this a lot as a child and they will get more re-reading at a later age. In fact I think it is a positive for children to do this so I wouldn't worry about that aspect. But individual children have different thresholds for the 'horrors' so it is right to wait for some (as long the kids of the cool parents don't ruin the story 🙄)

godmum56 · 18/04/2022 08:12

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

I think the main reason for stopping would be because they later books are better when a bit older as a lot of stuff goes over their heads at 8. (I think I was quite lucky to be in that generation of waiting for the next one and growing up with the characters!)

But the Basilisk is definitely one of the scarier creatures...

setting apart if the books are scarey or not, I think its the mark of a really good author if their books can be read and re read and the reader "gets" more of the book at different ages or in different circumstances. I don't think its a waste ever for a child (or anyone) to read a book where they won't get all of it at first reading.
ffscovid · 18/04/2022 08:12

When DS was that age, I allowed him to read the books providing he did so himself and successfully completed the Accelerated Reader quiz on it at school before moving on to the next one. I figured that if he was mature enough in his reading and comprehension, it was fine. I wouldn't let him watch the films until he'd read the book of the same title.
He devoured the whole series of books in a few weeks (he was in year 3) but has still chosen not to watch the Deathly Hallows films just yet (he's now 10, in year 5).

godmum56 · 18/04/2022 08:13

@PlainJaneSuperbrainthe2nd

I would have waited to start HP with mine but, unfortunately, several friends have seen all the films by year 2 and they tell her things that happened - DD is just 7 and we've just finished book 3 (I'm reading to her- she's not able to read them herself, very backward for MN Wink) I want her to read the books first as I don't think you can properly engage in a book once you've seen a film/tv adaptation. DD got very upset when she thought Buckbeak had died so I had to tell her he survived before we got to the end! I've also said we will wait a while for book 4 - she definitely isn't ready for that content and I've explained why. She is keen and loves the books but understands. I do think it is fine for kids to read books and not 'get' everything - I did this a lot as a child and they will get more re-reading at a later age. In fact I think it is a positive for children to do this so I wouldn't worry about that aspect. But individual children have different thresholds for the 'horrors' so it is right to wait for some (as long the kids of the cool parents don't ruin the story 🙄)
ha ha snap!
girlmom21 · 18/04/2022 08:13

If she managed Goblet of Fire she'll be fine with the rest.

It's really unkind to let her start a series and not finish it.

liquidrevolution · 18/04/2022 08:15

Dd is 7.5, a fluent reader and we have halted at book 3. Voldemort scares her in both film and book so no way is she reading goblet of fire yet.

There are literally millions of other books to read during this break. We are currently reading enid blytons adventure series.

ThatPosterIsSoRight · 18/04/2022 08:22

My DS is terrible with anything mildly scary in films (eg when the nazis come in sound of music). He read all the Harry Potters over about 9 months at the age of 9 (year 4). He wasn’t scared reading it.

I’m not convinced he followed all of it either but he was completely engrossed and I thought he was hooked on reading for life (sadly he’s only read under protest since and he’s now 12).

backinthebox · 18/04/2022 08:23

Another one here surprised people would stop their children from reading what are essentially children’s books. As others have said, there is a great difference between reading a story and watching a movie, and like others, I think there is ‘added dark’ in the films which would be a bit much for a younger child. But reading a book, the darkness is limited by the child’s imagination and most kids don’t have the ability to imagine the same depth of horrid an adult does.

By 9 I’d read Lord of the Rings, many of Dickens’ works, Black Beauty, Watership Down, Call of the Wild, and a whole load more that I would say were not really aimed at children and had quite dark themes. Much of my childhood reading was stories for adults, and even the books written specifically for children had darkness and loss in them - many were set in WW2, such as Carrie’s War, The Railway Children, etc. Even ‘much lived children’s classics’ such as Heidi and Pollyanna deal with loss, pain and significant physical trauma to a main character.

By allowing a child to read you are letting them learn for themselves through fantasy and fantastical stories. Far better to allow them to begin to experience emotions such as fear and sadness in a relatively safe way through a rollicking good story than to protect them completely from such feelings and then wonder why they struggle with them later on. A book is very good for self-limiting this - a child can simply put it down if it is too much for them.

Pipsquiggle · 18/04/2022 08:24

I let my DS read them at this age. I wouldn't say he was all that mature either. It was during the first covid lockdown though so I let him read all the books as he was really enjoying them and it kept him occupied.