to not let my DC read Harry Potter

[Heathofhares]

and the Order of the Phoenix? She is 8 and quite immature. She has just discovered Harry Potter and is desperate to read them all. I am worried that the last few books are too scary and have very complex themes that she will be upset by (She didn't manage to watch Frozen until she was 7 and still thinks Moana is too scary...)

She is adamant that IABU not to give her all the books and let her see all the films. Who is right here?

One way to guarantee that she will read it by torchlight under the covers is to tell her she's not allowed to read it.

Plus, Order of the Phoenix is the best HP book .

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

Why don't you read them all with her so you can see her reactions and stop if she gets scared or upset?

This.

I’d finished all 7 of the books by the time I turned 9. I think YABU, I loved reading them at that age, but a lot of the more upsetting stuff went over my head tbh. Definitely noticed deeper bits that I’d missed reading them again as a teen.
I’d be a bit more wary with the films IMO if you’ve got a sensitive child. I’d seen all of them at around that age, but I think the books were easier to deal with because they seemed less real.

She was fine with goblet of fire I take it. I'd let her continue. She likely won't fully understand parts of it until older anyway possibly. But if she coped with goblet of fire, it doesn't really get much worse than that really. Just more deaths and she was fine with cedrics so.. She may just get upset with deaths further on.

My eldest got to the point where she decided for herself (I'd never read them or seen the films) that they were too scary to read before bed and instead she took them to school as her reading book and only read them there.
My youngest is 8, I've read all of the Harry Potter books to him before bed and he's not been frightened by any of them.

My DS started reading them about 7, I tried to stop him at book 3 but then it was lockdown so I ended up letting him read them. He's 9 now and on the last book. Are her friends reading them? If so I think it's nice for her to read them at the same time. A compromise, if you think she'll get scared, would be for you to read it to her.

I agree that reading a book is much less scary than watching a movie.

However I have been scared by many scary stories before and they’ve given me nightmares and I’m an adult.

I would explain that you want her to wait and maybe make her wait a few more weeks/months but then if she is adamant I’d get it for her.
Sometimes they need to make their own decisions whether it’s best for them or not.

I was 7 when the final book came out and started reading it the same day. I was not at all frightened. If anything, the fourth book is the most scary book - hands sliced off, murders, torturing of Harry in a graveyard etc.

If she has managed that, she will be fine with the final three.

I don't think they are appropriate for an 8 year old and the biggest push is parents who want to tell others how young their child was when they read them. I've taught Yr 4 several times and this comes up every time, one parent starts it and then we have to have 80% of the class reading them when they would be much better off reading less complex stories to develop a more grounded basic story structure and language and yes every time we get several upset. Honestly leave it a couple more years they will get much more from the language and they will be more age appropriate.

If she was ok with Goblet of Fire, I wouldn’t be worried about Order of the Phoenix.

We made our DD pause after Chamber of Secrets scared her to death. She was 5 and reading them solo. We thought it was the snake and the dungeon because she was having nightmares about the bones. It took about a week to figure out she was talking about Lockhart botching Harry’s broken arm. Once we explained that the scene was actually meant to be kind of funny in a sort of dark way she got over it quickly.

You just never know what in a book is going to scare a child. I tend towards allowing permission and just being ready to discuss. There have been some vetos and there was one big misstep along the way, but overall the strategy has worked well. When in doubt, get yourself a copy and turn it into a book club.

I’ve deliberately made my son read them with me before watching the films to slow the whole process down. We finished the second back in February and I said we’ll take a break snd not start reading the third till the summer. Mainly because the book dominates our lives in that it’s all we can read at bedtime for months (only have time for 15 mins a night) so no time for other authors etc.

I’d put them away for a few years tbh. I was lucky to have grown up with Harry to a degree, and have enjoyed the final books when I was 15/16.

Just because a child can decode a book doesn’t mean it’s the best choice for them to read. The themes in Harry Potter are easily missed by younger children, particularly if she is immature. I’m a teacher and I’ve encountered Year 6s who have ‘read all the books’ but have very poor comprehension of them, be it the lovey-dovey stuff or the persecution of muggle-borns in the later books.

They’re lovely children’s books- but I think they are best enjoyed by older children when they are a bit more aware of what’s going on. You’re definitely right to hold back on Book 5.

If you want another series to get her hooked on- the How to Train Your Dragon books are good for the Year 4 age group. The Narnia books would be good too.

I have a kid who, at 7, found almost all movies too much. We had to leave the Paddington movie part way through because they found it too unsettling. But books they could cope and Harry Potter has been a childhood long source of interest and pleasure.

I think you should talk to her about what she’s read so far to check she’s coping and let her continue if she is.

Frozen has some semi-dark bits in it too, so if she’s coping with that a year ago, Harry Potter might well not be too much now, especially if she’s read the books and knows what’s going to happen. But it doesn’t hurt to space it out a bit and take them one at a time.

Was she in any way upset after reading Goblet of Fire? (which has a very grim ending)
If not, then I'd say it's just you projecting your own anxiety, OP...

Watching a film is very different from reading a book, by the way. Watching a movie is a passive yet extremely immersive experience.
When reading a book, you're much more in control. You can pause, you can re-read, you can skip pages... This might well be just what she needs to get on top of her fears.

I'd just let her read it. I'm always surprised by these threads- my parents just let me read what I wanted and if I came across something scary or troubling I'd chat to my mum about it. Sometimes I'd continue and finish the book, sometimes we'd shelve it and I'd return to it a year or so later. But ultimately it was up to me. I intend to do the same with my kids.

If she was ok with GoF she'll be OK with OotP. As others have said, the later films have added "darkness" for cinematic effect.

DD was about the same age iirc.

@MargaritasOnMe- totally agree.

My dd is 8 and has seen all the films and read the books/listened to them read to her up to Prisoner of Azkeban.

That said she is very mature for her age, we watched them together so I could judge her reaction and a lot of the themes she has encountered in her very short life.

However, given your dd thinks moana is scary then I think you are absolutely right to make her wait a bit longer before she watches or reads any more.

Kids all develop at different rates both physically and mentally.

I would explain it to her in the way you have here about frozen and moana though. Make sure she understands it isn't a jo, just a not quite yet.

If you want another series to get her hooked on- the How to Train Your Dragon books are good for the Year 4 age group. The Narnia books would be good too.

Urgh. Just no. Narnia books are reactionary and sexist as hell, and the Last Battle is just atrocious. Casual slaughtering of the whole cast, for fuck's sake! And told like it's the best thing that ever happened to them... That's a lot more disturbing than killing off a few main characters, and have everyone left mourn them (like HP does).

The Dragons series isn't bad, but it's particular brand of humour is not for everybody. Lots of getting swallowed alive and various bodily fluid explosions. Both very intense, and yet told as if it's all just a big joke. For some kids, cartoonish gore works, as comic relief. But others can find the cognitive dissonance (deadly peril and horror = funny??) rather disturbing. Whereas straightforward, straightfaced epic struggles makes more sense to them.

Some kids need serious, dark plots, because that's how the world feels to them. That's how they can make sense of their own feelings. Whereas comedy and happy bunnies can feel tone-deaf.

Yanbu. We spoil some amazing books by giving them to children too young for them just because they are big brands they pester for. There are literally thousands of books out there that are more suitable for an 8 year old.

I know tons of people limiting them. Lots of the parents I know allowed the first in year 3/4, second in y4/5, third in y5/6. This is exactly how the generation of us who were reading them as they were published had to wait each year for a new one!

Books aren't the same as watching films. You can only understand books in the parameters of your own brain and imagination. Films you're at the mercy of someone else's imagination. There will be parts of a book she won't understand, but she'll barely register it.

YNBU altho If she can handle the end of goblet of fire, I’m not sure if she could handle order of the phoenix.

You know here best tho!

Is let her give it a go if she really wants to.

I have a similarly sensitive ds - can’t watch ‘real’ films (ie not cartoons) as too scary - he found the Sound of Music too tense and traumatic!

He went through the Harry Potter books at 8. He started them as everyone at school was reading them, and I voiced my reservations to him. He read the first one, and then wanted the subsequent ones as audiobooks. We listened mostly in the car, and I checked after each one if he wanted to continue or wait for a while. He listened to them all, and was fine with them. He hasn’t watched any of the films (he’s nearly 10 now, and still doesn’t cope well with real people films), but they are available to him if he wants to.

Is your dd sensible over her sensitive-ness? My ds hates that eg he hasn’t seen any of the Marvel films, or Star Wars, etc, as all of his friends have, but at the same time he acknowledges that he isn’t ready to watch them (his choice, not mine - he’s dc3, and while I am cautious about suitability I am not precious, my dc are all welcome to choose age suitable films if they want to watch them). Dd2 was similar, and could t watch anything real, but now happily watches all sorts (she’s 15), although makes sensible choices wet to violence, and turns off if she doesn’t like it.

So I guess it comes down to - how well does your dd know herself/her feelings? My ds was fine being given the choice, and was fine with the result of it.

Read it together at bedtime. Then if she gets scared you can explain and stop together.

But books only, not the later films. 12 for a reason

@gamerchick

Books aren't the same as watching films. You can only understand books in the parameters of your own brain and imagination. Films you're at the mercy of someone else's imagination. There will be parts of a book she won't understand, but she'll barely register it.

This. The book will only be as scary as her imagination allows.

Don't think that asking yes to the books means she gets to watch the movies.too.