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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

No Easter egg or alternative from dad...

38 replies

Popeee17 · 17/04/2022 19:18

Hi all, name changed details changed slightly to not give myself away. Who knows who's on mumsnet 👀

I have ds 9 with an ex, split when I was pregnant. He sees him but contact is sporadic. Here and there, inconsistent etc. Usually rocks up at Christmas extravagant gifts - usually a typical Disney dad.

Previous years his dad had bought him a few eggs, sometimes too much and ended up with too much. But it seems it's gone from one extreme to another this year.

Anyway, his dad texted to say he'd pop over with eggs for Ds this morning. He came over and gave Ds an egg from his parents, DS's grandparents but nothing from himself, his dad apart from a small chocolate bar (like vending machine or singular chocolate bar from confectionery stand). Ok, so he didn't have to get him an egg but a single chocolate bar is pants right?

There's a chance the shop had ran out or he left it too late (not they've been in the shop since January or anything!). If he couldn't or didn't want to get an egg he could have bought an alternative or give him a couple quid pocket money! A single chocolate bar is pants right? Think like a Mars bar!

^he lives close by and I've heard the shops in our area were still pretty well stocked until last minute! Sure he could find something anyway.

It's not the end of the world. He got an egg off his grandparents but his dad has made zero effort! Literally stayed for 5 minutes before rushing off too.

His dad then told Ds that his younger kids (whom he has with his partner) has just had a massive Easter egg hunt in their garden. Talk about rubbing salt into the wound. Whilst Ds had a chocolate bar his younger kids had a massive Easter egg hunt in his words.

Ds has not gone without. He's had stuff off us and other relatives. But aibu to be annoyed? Or being precious?

It's just the fact he had the audacity to come over with a tiny chocolate bar! It didn't even have to be chocolate, he could have got him something else. Don't have to spend much!

I didn't say anything whilst he was here. I was in disbelief tbh. Didn't want to make a scene. Nor did I want Ds hearing anything and learning to expect more.

Ds hasn't really mentioned it. He left shortly afterwards to go to Dp's mum who gave him a 'massive egg' (in his words, not mine!).

Aibu? Haven't had chance to sit and think about how pants it is until now.

You could literally buy an egg for a £1 in Tesco. Probably not much more than the chocolate bar.

OP posts:
Moochio · 17/04/2022 19:22

No Easter egg or alternative from dad...

a small chocolate bar seems like a suitable alternative tbh. He has loads of chocolate. It's not about quantity it's about seeing his dad and I bet he was chuffed to see him.

Moochio · 17/04/2022 19:23

Love is not measured in the amount of chocolate you give someone

Hunderland · 17/04/2022 19:24

Maybe it was his favourite chocolate bar?

He can't win with you though can he - too many and it's bad, not enough and it's bad...

Moochio · 17/04/2022 19:26

Literally stayed for 5 minutes before rushing off too. this should have been the focus of your anger. Not how big a chocolate egg he did or didn't get. So obsessed with things.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 17/04/2022 19:27

I thought YABU until you mentioned Easter egg hunt for his other kids. Unless it was like ours with mini eggs...

We don't get our kids eggs as they get loads from school grandparents etc.

Popeee17 · 17/04/2022 19:29

@Moochio

Love is not measured in the amount of chocolate you give someone
Maybe it's measured with the time spent with someone? I mean 5 minute visit when he hadn't seen him for 6 weeks is enough right?
OP posts:
Popeee17 · 17/04/2022 19:30

@Hunderland

Maybe it was his favourite chocolate bar?

He can't win with you though can he - too many and it's bad, not enough and it's bad...

It wasn't his favourite.
OP posts:
Maddiemoosmum0203 · 17/04/2022 19:31

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Popeee17 · 17/04/2022 19:32

I just rather he didn't come other at all. Ds is also on the spectrum and he would usually get him an egg and this year nine. I don't care that he doesn't get another egg, but I do care that he does not give a flying shit about DS's feelings. He boasted about his nice family Easter egg hunt in front of ds.

Better if he went totally NC. It's hanging by a thread. I've been nothing but accommodating for his dad. Sick of it.

OP posts:
Incapacitated · 17/04/2022 19:32

Taken in the round, it does seem insensitive and thoughtless. Particularly the treasure hunt bit.

Winniewonka · 17/04/2022 19:32

I see where you're coming from, it's not about the chocolate, it's that he hasn't treated all his children the same, whether it's a gift or his time.

BungleandGeorge · 17/04/2022 19:32

I don’t think it’s a big deal. It sounds like he got lots of eggs. Dad came over and gave him chocolate. If son was at your house then presumably you did the Easter egg hunt for him?

HerRoyalHappiness · 17/04/2022 19:32

Yeah the lack of egg isn't the issue here. The lack of time spent with his son and bragging about an easter egg hunt is the issue.

Popeee17 · 17/04/2022 19:32

None not nine *

OP posts:
Moochio · 17/04/2022 19:33

Maybe it's measured with the time spent with someone? I mean 5 minute visit when he hadn't seen him for 6 weeks is enough right? then make this the focus of your anger. Not the egg. The egg is not the most important thing here.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/04/2022 19:33

Well your anger seems misplaced.
Lives near you, organised massive egg hunt but didn't invite your eldest to pop over. Came in and left after 5 minutes despite not seeing him for six weeks. Yes, he sounds like a shitty Dad.

The single chocolate bar is weird but if this was an engaged Dad who showed he cares with time it wouldn't be an issue.

If you raise this with him, you need to focus on the right stuff.

How old is DS?

Popeee17 · 17/04/2022 19:33

@Winniewonka

I see where you're coming from, it's not about the chocolate, it's that he hasn't treated all his children the same, whether it's a gift or his time.
100 %
OP posts:
RandomMess · 17/04/2022 19:37

I would text your ex and tell him how insensitive it was to turn up and tell DS about this amazing Easter egg hunt he did with his step-siblings that not only was he not included in but he didn't even bother to get him one singular Easter Egg.

Your poor DS have it rubbed in his face how unimportant he is to his Dad Easter Sad

Popeee17 · 17/04/2022 19:38

@Moochio

Maybe it's measured with the time spent with someone? I mean 5 minute visit when he hadn't seen him for 6 weeks is enough right? then make this the focus of your anger. Not the egg. The egg is not the most important thing here.
I'm angry with all of it to be honest! He's seen him twice since Christmas. I'm just done with it all. Want Nc but don't want to look like the bad guy 😪
OP posts:
Popeee17 · 17/04/2022 19:41

@RandomMess

I would text your ex and tell him how insensitive it was to turn up and tell DS about this amazing Easter egg hunt he did with his step-siblings that not only was he not included in but he didn't even bother to get him one singular Easter Egg.

Your poor DS have it rubbed in his face how unimportant he is to his Dad Easter Sad

Sadly similar has happened before. He came over and told Ds all about the day o he had a few days before - to somewhere Ds would have loved to go. Don't expect them to take him but don't rub it in causing me a massive stress. Ds has asd too so sees everything differently! 😪
OP posts:
steff13 · 17/04/2022 19:45

If his other kids were having a "massive" Easter egg hunt, it would have been nice of him to include all his kids in that.

Popeee17 · 17/04/2022 19:49

@steff13

If his other kids were having a "massive" Easter egg hunt, it would have been nice of him to include all his kids in that.
That's a whole issue in itself. Ds has very little to do with his half siblings!
OP posts:
Innocenta · 17/04/2022 19:50

YANBU at all. Poor DS.

Hankunamatata · 17/04/2022 19:53

I think you have sabotaged your own post by making it an egg over a choc bar.

It's about his dead beat dad not bothering to be a good dad or even a dad.

HikingforScenery · 17/04/2022 19:56

Of course you’ve bring ridiculous that a chocolate bar isn’t enough to replace a chocolate egg.

How he treats him generally, yanbu

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