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AIBU?

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Original poster

To get a dog to help get over my dog phobia

54 replies

Downboygoodboy · 17/04/2022 18:51

I’ve had a dog phobia forever (no trigger, I’ve just always been afraid of them).

Lately I’ve been getting slightly less nervous around friends’ dogs.

I’m now thinking about getting my own dog but I’m not sure if this is insane? My biggest worry is taking the dog for a walk and then being subject to other dogs barking, jumping up etc. I don’t want to be terrified of taking it for a walk!

The parks near to us don’t allow dogs off the lead so this reassures me somewhat but I’m not sure it solves the issue.

What else am I not considering?

OP posts:
Girliefriendlikespuppies · 17/04/2022 19:00

I'm not sure this is a good idea tbh, could you borrow a friends dog for a bit to see how you get on.

What would happen if you got a dog and then decided you didn't like it?! It's really not okay to just give them back.

TooManyAnimals94 · 17/04/2022 19:00

How do you think you would cope with training classes? The clue is in the name, not all dogs will be perfectly behaved all the time.
How will you cope with challenging behaviour from your own dog? What if he/she finds a bone or treat and guards it, snapping or growling? Even my super laid back dog will do this with butchers bones.
If you are nervous of other dogs, your dog will pick up on this and may become reactive. I personally think its mean to condemn your dog to a life of walks on the same place on a lead because of its owner's anxiety.
Could you borrow a friend's dog for some walks and see how you find it before you make a commitment to your own?

Kite22 · 17/04/2022 19:00

Have you thought about what happens if you don't like it / it doesn't work out ?
This isn't an object you can get rid of or sell on, this is a living creature.

It seems a bit odd to get a got if you are phobic though. I mean, it is good that you are beginning to feel more comfortable around some dogs, but that seems like a massive leap then.
Why not ask if you can borrow a friend's dog, or volunteer for the Cinnamon Trust or even sign up to 'Borrow my Doggie' for a while and see how you get on?

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/04/2022 19:02

Why on earth would you? I don't like flying. I'm not buying a plane!

CapMarvel · 17/04/2022 19:05

You aren't considering that it's not fair to take on an animal if there is a chance you cannot care for it properly.

Please, don't get a dog. They aren't toys.

Theyellowflamingo · 17/04/2022 19:38

Do you actually really want a dog? Love dogs enough to make a commitment of a decade or more? Want to be tied down, make every decision about trips/days out/cars/your house/kids/parties etc keeping the welfare of your dog in mind? Willing to commit to the walking, poo picking, vets bills, training etc? Willing to learn how to train it? Don’t mind the smell, hair, poo etc?

Do you have a suitable lifestyle? Appropriate home, sufficient time at home with the dog, enough money to look after it properly?

Do you have someone who can help you train it?

What if you don’t get over your phobia, or at least enough to actually enjoy your dog? What if your dog develops behaviour that triggers your phobia?

I’d start with walking your friend’s dog, or borrow my doggy or something.

Vispa · 17/04/2022 19:47

As pp said, so, so much to consider when getting a dog, its such a huge commitment in time/money/lifestyle changes etc. From my own experience of having dogs, no matter how well trained/behaved my dogs are, we inevitably meet other dogs which are off the lead and not under control, which make a beeline for me and my dogs. Some just want to play, some want to snap at my dogs. They can be aggressive and threatening, and the owners are useless at stopping them. In the nicest way possible I can't imagine you being comfortable dealing with that kind of situation, especially as your dog will pick up on your emotions and reactions.

AmberLynn1536 · 17/04/2022 19:53

You don’t get a dog to help with your dog phobia, you get a dog because you want to give a lifelong home to an animal. If you want to get over your phobia volunteer at a dog shelter.

AmberLynn1536 · 17/04/2022 19:54

@MrsTerryPratchett

Why on earth would you? I don't like flying. I'm not buying a plane!
Excellent response!
Aquafizzle · 17/04/2022 19:57

I don't think it's fair to register for Borrowmydoggie.... I can't imagine the risk of an owner handing over their pet to someone who has a dog phobia. Not a good idea at all I'm afraid.

Goawayangryman · 17/04/2022 20:00

Well, I have a different opinion to most of those above. I have both an anxiety disorder, and a dog. Although I wil say I have never had anxieties around dogs.

My ex sister in law was a life long dog phobic person. Her new partner really wanted a dog. They got a really nice retriever. It all worked out really well. She is not afraid of dogs at all any more and it has changed her life.

My 11 year old child is very anxious and used to hide behind the sofa when family and friends' dogs came round.

Last summer we got our own dog. Yesterday he was trying to fish out a stray blade of grass stuck to our large dog's giant premolar tooth. I nearly fell off my perch.

However... Having a dog is not for the faint hearted or something that will do as a cure. As people abov have said... You need to want one because you want an actual dog. They cost a lot of money to raise right, and a lot of time. Mine easily costs £300 per month in insurances, daycare, food and treats. More if we want to go away.

But yeah. I'm in favour of feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Best way to conquer your particular fear.

SparklyShoesandTutus · 17/04/2022 20:03

Please don't. I love dogs and have had dog growing up. Usually rescue dogs. I've wanted a dog for years but have been waiting until the kids were a little older. We have found it impossible to rescue as they are still under 10. We got a puppy 9 months ago. Despite lots of research it has still be really tough. Are you thinking about getting a puppy or an older dog? Search 'puppy blues' it's a real thing and its tough going. Whilst I knew things would change we have had to give up more than I expected. It's been harder to find daycare and boarding care for the puppy as so many are full as there has been such growth in dog ownership. We are totally committed to having a dog and on the whole love having her but we have thought 'what did we do' on numerous occasions. If you are not 100% committed and ready to deal with all a dog comes with I wouldn't recommend one. Are you ready for the mess, training requirements and general chaos? Look at joining something like borrow my doggy.

JedEye · 17/04/2022 20:04

100% of people say no to you getting a dog

Ahgoonyegirlye · 17/04/2022 20:05

Borrowmydoggie might be for you.
Our DD got over her fear when we got a puppy, and she had to be in contact with dogs in the park.
But do you want a dog?? Really? For the exercise and company? They are fab but make sure you are doing it for the right reasons…

Sarah13xx · 17/04/2022 20:06

Aw I love this idea 😊 so invested already! I’ve always been a dog owner and have to say I’ve never been jumped on by a strangers dog at the park. I think that’s actually more likely to happen to you if you don’t have a dog with you. I do have to put up with dogs barking at us and, on occasion, my dog taking a disliking to another passing dog and barking/lunging etc. I’ve got big dogs though, would you go for something smaller? I think it would be way less hassle passing dogs if your dog wasn’t as strong and couldn’t pull you off your feet like mine could if they tried 🙃

Would you get it as a puppy or adopt? I feel like adopting in this situation would be lovely and might even make you feel better about it because you’d be doing something so nice for the dog. One of mine is adopted and adopting him really helped me get over the loss of my previous dog, when buying our other dog as a pup didn’t. There’s just something about adopting!

Movingonup22 · 17/04/2022 20:08

Jesus wept. Do. Not. Get. A. Dog.

SweatyChamoisPad · 17/04/2022 20:11

Have you thought about seeing a therapist or someone who specialises in this? I’m not suggesting for a moment that you go and see someone as nutty as the Speakmans, but in a slightly tangential way I went to see a guy who specialises in sorting out fear of heights for climbers. I climb weekly but frequently have serious trouble when I’m half way up a climb and have to get someone to lower me down because I just completely lose my bottle. He spent a lot of time with me going through the Freeze-Fight-Flight responses that humans have in various situations, and once you understand why you are are behaving in a certain way it helps you cope with it and get back to normal. I’m sure those skills would be transferable to other situations like dog phobias.

NotMeNoNo · 17/04/2022 20:13

I was a bit unsure of dogs and having got our own made a lot of difference. If a dog bounded over to me at the park I'd just fuss or say Down! or something and direct it back to the owner.
However DH brings a huge amount of dog commitment as the main owner, I would struggle on my own lovely as DDog is.

I would explain to a couple of those friends with dogs and (if appropriate) try and become a semi regular walker/carer/dog auntie for one or two so you get the familiarity without the commitment.

Sunnytwobridges · 17/04/2022 20:15

Please don’t. I can just see this poor dog going back unwanted to a shelter.

How about volunteering at a dog shelter or something? Or fostering a dog for a short period of time?

Goawayangryman · 17/04/2022 20:21

100% of people do not say "do not get a.dog". Sometimes with crippling anxieties, facing your fears can be a really positive and empowering thing to do. But really, really make sure you want an actual dog and know what is involved. I have a hairy, highly intelligent, active breed. She easily takes up 2 hours per day. More like 6+ when below 6 months.

But dogs rock.

WabbitsAndWeasels · 17/04/2022 20:22

Other dogs barking at your dog and attempting to run over will always be a risk. While getting the right dog might help you in the house I don't think it will significantly help outside of the house.

I think it would be irresponsible to get a dog at the moment for the reason you're suggesting. What if it doesn't improve the situation? What if you're too afraid of other dogs to walk it? I also think if a dog is able they should be let off lead if possible and safe, would you ever feel comfortable walking in this situation? This is potentially a 15 year commitment. I'd seek some kind of therapy first and consider walking with other dog owners and spending time sat watching other owners in these parks. I think you'll come to realise the on lead parks won't entirely control the behaviour of other dogs and their owners. While with time and with work you might be able to recover from this fear I don't think getting a dog is a solution to this.

whenwilliwillibefamous · 17/04/2022 20:28

Just don't rush into anything. Go to training classes with a friend and their dog. Offer to dog sit for a friend if they want to go out for a few hours more than normal.

It's not a bad thing to think, "hey maybe this phobia isn't what I want and in the long term ... I...might...want...my...own...dog"
But it's just a big responsibility. And you don't have the experience of growing up with a dog. So don't go dropping yourself in the deep end.

Badfootkk · 17/04/2022 20:28

No . This won't help. Your dog will like, want to meet other dogs. Don't pass it on until more comfortable.

daffodilsbluebells · 17/04/2022 20:29

Are you thinking you can have a dog and never let it off lead @Downboygoodboy ? Sounds rubbish for the dog.

Just no, please don't. Having a dog is a big commitment and yes other dogs will jump on you and bark at you/your dog when they are being trained/young.

pigsDOfly · 17/04/2022 20:31

I've always been a dog owner and have to say I've never been jumped on by a strangers dog at the park.

Well all I can say is you've been very lucky.

I've had several dogs jump all over my small dog at the park, and various other places, on one occasion it was 2 large dogs together. I've also had several dogs ignore my dog but jump all over me.

Not behaviour, I imagine, the OP would be able to cope with easily.

Experimenting with getting a dog in the hope that it will cure your phobia is a really bad idea OP.

Like pps I think your best bet would be to volunteer at a rescue for a bit and see how you get on with different dog and then get a dog, if you still want to, when you know a bit more about what it involves.

Taking on a dog is a big commitment. It's not fair to the animal to go into it with anything less than full commitment.

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