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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get a dog to help get over my dog phobia

54 replies

Downboygoodboy · 17/04/2022 18:51

I’ve had a dog phobia forever (no trigger, I’ve just always been afraid of them).

Lately I’ve been getting slightly less nervous around friends’ dogs.

I’m now thinking about getting my own dog but I’m not sure if this is insane? My biggest worry is taking the dog for a walk and then being subject to other dogs barking, jumping up etc. I don’t want to be terrified of taking it for a walk!

The parks near to us don’t allow dogs off the lead so this reassures me somewhat but I’m not sure it solves the issue.

What else am I not considering?

OP posts:
lljkk · 17/04/2022 20:32

Volunteering to do some kind of dog care might be better for you, OP.

Notanotherwindow · 17/04/2022 20:41

This isn't a good idea. As a dog owner you WILL get other dogs tearing over to you, leaping up and sometimes they won't like each other and will be aggressive to each other. Are you going to be confident breaking up a squabble? Because it does happen.

One of mine doesn't like other dogs and is always on a lead but is forever having scraps with other dog who run up to us. My other dog is fine, will play with anyone but even when I shout that Ddog2 isn't friendly, they take forever to get their dog and I invariably end up having to separate them.

A dog isn't a toy or a tool to help with your phobia. They are a living animal who will be part of your family and who you are commiting to for at least 10 years.

Will you have the confidence to train it and deal with any challenging behaviour? They're like toddlers, they push boundaries. Puppies especially go through bitey stages. You can't effectively train an animal you're afraid of.

Add to this, have you actually thought this through? They can't be left alone for more than a few hours, puppies can't be left at all at first and then only for an hour or 2.

They chew. Everything. You have to house train them. Even rescue dogs who are already housetrained can have accidents when in a new home. You need to walk them at least twice a day, some breeds need hours of exercise a day.

Mine are labradors. Perfect family dog. But christ do they take some walking. 9 hours I had them out one summer. On the go all day at our huge town park. Got home, we were all fucked. But them? Were they tired? Were they fuck! They ate their dinner then went and sat by their leads in the hall ready for their evening walk.

Do you have holidays? Who would have the dog?

Goawayangryman · 17/04/2022 21:11

No dog needs more than 1.5 hrs physical exercise a day though. Yes to mental exercise and brainwork. But 9 hours ?!? If you exercise a dog for hours each day you will have an incredibly fit dog who needs tons of exercise.

Mine is a working breed and any more than 1 hour per day, regularly, would be excessive.

Sure she needs puzzles and scentwork etc but she does not need hours and hours of running.

Either way op if you do actually want a dog then don't let your fear put you off. If you do not and only want one to get over your fear, back away. It's a major, time-consuming commitment.

BreakfastDinnerTea · 17/04/2022 21:29

I was phobic of dogs for a very long time after a nasty attack, couldn't walk past one barking in a yard. We ended up accidental dog owners when fil got really sick and we took in his lab on the understanding if wasn't ok after a few days then fil will have to pay kennels while he's in hospital. A few years after that dog passed away we got our own dog but I will be a liar if I said everything is perfect. It's not and there's been times I've been scared to walk her at certain areas because of attacks mentioned ok local Facebook page but you can't opt out if meeting your dogs needs so you must find a way. The last two years seems to be worse for it too.

I'm 95 per cent better with dogs now and meet some lovely people when walking her but over the years we've had her, off leash dogs charging and growling mostly and that's possibly because my dog submits and lies on her back, twice though that hasn't stopped the charging dog and it's gone to bite her still.

Signs not allowing dogs off leash doesn't mean much here either as there's always some who think it doesn't apply to them and can get very shitty if you ask them to recall their dog.

When it's little breeds it's not so frightening but I've had big dogs try to jump up over the years too, with the worse being three loose huskies and thankfully dh was with me at the time and him and another man managed to stop them and they ran off.

You'd need to be in places dogs are allowed off leash though because your own dog needs to run about and socialise with other dogs too and my advise would be to work on therapy for the phobia and gain confidence in dealing with the type of interactions you could encounter on dog walks, before committing to 10+ years of owning one, would a local dog walker let you accompany them for a while? You'd get to meet lots of different breeds then too.

I see people have suggested borrow my doggy but I think starting small and spending a few month doing some daily walks with a dog walker or volunteer at a rescue place so you've got experience people to ask questions too and learn from before looking after someone's else's your own might be better.

Maybe look into courses on dog behaviour too.

montysma1 · 17/04/2022 23:01

My friend was dog phobic. She was even terrified of my small, friendly, non jumpy up dog who did nothing more than wag his tail at her when she came into our house.

For reasons I never understood, she got a dog.
And is now a complete dog living bore about her Doodle.
So it worked for her.

EyePeeEh · 17/04/2022 23:03

I always wanted a dog, until I got attacked by a random one. I still like the idea of having my own dog but it’s the approaches from strangers’ dogs that concern me too. I worry that, if nothing else, my dog would pick up on my fear and may become more aggressive.

I don’t think it’s a good idea, OP. Getting over your fear needs to be a precursor to dog ownership.

whatnumber · 17/04/2022 23:17

Bit of a strange action to take!
You'll teach your dog to be nervous around other dogs then you'll both be terrified!

AdaColeman · 17/04/2022 23:20

I don’t think getting a dog is a good idea for you, it could make your phobia much worse, rather than cure it.
How would you cope with your dog eating dog poo, or vomit, or rolling in decaying substances, bringing dead things into the house?
No to mention breaking up dog fights, stopping larger dogs attacking yours etc.

NrlySp · 17/04/2022 23:22

Lots of rescue places need helpers - to play with the dogs, clean their pens etc. Start there.

PurplePansy05 · 17/04/2022 23:24

Start off volunteering at a local dog shelter. This is likely to help with your phobia (from experience). Then you can decide if you are ok with dogs or if you actually like dogs and are ready for the commitment of adopting one.

MissM2912 · 17/04/2022 23:30

I have a nine month old Labrador. She is our first dog, absolutely gorgeous and cuddly and just like a big baby really- BUT she jumps. On everyone. Just wants to say hello but I am very aware some people really don’t like it and get scared. So think very carefully about whether you will be able to cope with this.

Somanyquestions1984 · 18/04/2022 00:19

@MrsTerryPratchett
😂🤣🤣🤣

LetitiaLeghorn · 18/04/2022 00:23

Get a cat instead.

housemaus · 18/04/2022 00:45

Please don't do this, OP.

Dogs pick up on their owners' emotions, fears, responses etc.

Let's say you're nervous around your own dog when it behaves like a dog - which is to say there could be elements of excitability, unpredictability, barking at unusual things etc (my dad's dog has a hatred of wheely suitcases, sends her into a RAGE - she's good as gold the rest of the time)... the vast majority of even well trained pet dogs will occasionally bark or jump up. Or you're nervous and unpredictable yourself around other dogs when they approach your dog, which they will... well, then your dog is going to pick up on that.

At best you'll make for a fearful or confused animal who doesn't know what to do with other dogs and doesn't understand why you're behaving oddly with certain things (and dogs thrive on consistent owners). At worst you'll end up with a reactive dog.

It's brilliant that you're getting over your fear, but if you're not 100% sure you can handle one then please don't do it.

HeddaGarbled · 18/04/2022 01:14

Is it really a phobia or is it a reasonable wariness around potentially dangerous animals? Don’t be pressured by the very vocal pro-dog lobby in this country to do something that you’re not comfortable with.

Apart from all the mauled-to-death children, and occasional adults, the recent case of a woman who had half her face taken off when she bent to pet what appeared to be a benign dog, suggests your ‘phobia’ may actually be a sensible self-preservation instinct.

And the dog shit. Dear god, the dog shit everywhere. And the bagged dog shit hanging from trees. And people walking round with bags of dog shit in their pockets.

Alightjacket · 18/04/2022 01:17

Or, you know, just get therapy like any rational person would do. You cannot care for a dog properly if you are scared of it. It's not fair on the animal.

YesILikeItToo · 18/04/2022 01:27

I had a dog phobia treated. What was very noticeable was that, while I am no longer afraid of them, I am still missing the know-how about how to talk to them that comes over the years to people who like dogs. A lifetime of dog-avoidance means I just don’t know anything about them, I wouldn’t make a good dog owner I don’t think.

Dronkey · 18/04/2022 01:38

Liking dogs is brainwashing. Don't succumb. Listen to, and trust, your instincts.

milkyaqua · 18/04/2022 04:28

What else am I not considering?

Er, reality? Dogs are not stuffed toys for you to work on you issues with. They are sentient beings that often live for close to 20 years.

Lately I’ve been getting slightly less nervous around friends’ dogs.

Keep gently working on this.

My biggest worry is taking the dog for a walk and then being subject to other dogs barking, jumping up etc. I don’t want to be terrified of taking it for a walk!

At some point, there will be a dog off lead that you encounter. If you, a nervous person, walk your dog, that nervousness will transfer to them... It's like a red flag to aggressive dogs (ask me how I know).

Please don't get a dog. They are not your therapist.

WiddlinDiddling · 18/04/2022 04:48

With my dog behaviourist hat on...

Flooding, ie, dropping the subject in at the deep end and exposing them to the thing they're scared of with no escape... is a REALLY bad method of fixing phobias/anxieties.

I would not do it to a dog, it is not hugely useful in people and thats before you come to the issues that can arise when a human misunderstands a dogs behaviour and body language.

Next - puppies are HORRIBLE bitey squitty pissing machines that NEED you and your comfort and your attention an enormous amoun in the first few months - they are a lot like newborn babies except 1/ they bite and 2/ you won't be tolerated in not doing stuff because of the puppy/bringing the puppy everywhere with you, as you would with a baby.

Most people who get a puppy get whats called 'puppy blues', it is a similar thing to PND.. hormones rage (puppies often trigger the production of oxytocin in humans... some people react badly to that) some folk can feel absolutely AWFUL... and then the puppy trundles around the house crying for them, weeing everywhere, chewing stuff up and biting them.

In your shoes..

Find a local dog trainer, look up Puppy School, puppy school trainers are typically kind and force free - explain that you'd like to sit in on a few classes to help with a phobia, if they've room for an adult in a corner, most will happily oblige.

If you ask for it, you can sit in a corner near a door, with some tables on their sides so you're in your own little space and no dog can come up to you (they'll be on leads anyway!) and get used to seeing dogs and listen, learn a bit about dogs too.

Take it from there...

But please, do not go and get a puppy to fix your phobia (and definitely do not go and get an adult dog!) - the ways in which this can go horribly wrong are myriad, and it will be the dog who suffers in the long run.

WiddlinDiddling · 18/04/2022 04:49

BTW if anyone does have a phobia or just simply wants to understand a bit more about dogs... AMA :) If I can shed some light on why dogs do stuff or what does 'this' face mean or 'that' sound mean... I will!

Momijin · 18/04/2022 04:54

Why on earth would you get a dog if you have dog phobia?

Even if you like dogs, you have got to really want one to get one. Dogs are like another family member and they are with you all the time. They need considerable care and some sacrifices.

So only get a dog if you love them.

JustJam4Tea · 18/04/2022 04:55

I had a mild dog phobia, dh desperate for a dog, we’ve got a scruffy cockerpoo now who loves water, isn’t bothered about other dogs and I love her to bits.

It’s really helped with my understanding of other dogs’ behaviour so I’m more amused than scared of them now. Worked for me.

ThinWomansBrain · 18/04/2022 04:57

what else am I not considering?
the poor bloody dog who'd have to put up with you
vile and inconsiderate of you to even think about it

milkyaqua · 18/04/2022 06:05

@JustJam4Tea

I had a mild dog phobia, dh desperate for a dog, we’ve got a scruffy cockerpoo now who loves water, isn’t bothered about other dogs and I love her to bits.

It’s really helped with my understanding of other dogs’ behaviour so I’m more amused than scared of them now. Worked for me.

I'm sorry but there is no such thing as a "mild phobia". A phobia, by definition, effects your life to a great degree.

A slight fear or a dislike of dogs is not a phobia.