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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ABIU to send 2 year old to grandparents that have COVID

51 replies

Nightowl1989 · 17/04/2022 07:47

I'm a single parent and work nights, my employer has stated that you will be sacked after 3 periods of sickness in a 12 month period, I have had 3 as I have had 3 sick days since October last year.
My mum usually has my DD while I am in work and then drops her at her childminders early morning so I can sleep till the afternoon, but she tested positive 4 days ago and is still positive today. If she goes today she will have her from half 4 till tomorrow at 2pm as her childminder is closed due to the back holiday.
I feel awful sending her but there is nobody else that can have her and i can't risk losing my job.

How bad do children of her age who is generally fit and healthy get COVID when they get it?

AIBU should I just risk losing my job of 4 years?
Or is it okay as if I had it she would have to still live with me?

OP posts:
MummaOf4Horrors · 17/04/2022 07:48

I'm sorry to hear that your parents are unwell.
You would not need to take sick leave from work- you are entitled to carers leave and it should be given as such so not affecting your sickness record lovely xxx

BasementIdeas · 17/04/2022 08:00

If you’re parents are feeling well enough then I would still let them babysit

OutlookStalking · 17/04/2022 08:01

Of you parents are feeling unwell I think its unfair to your parents to put this on them or make them feel responsible for you job.

I think you need emergency childcare/back up childcare. Have a look on the babysitter sites etc.

OutlookStalking · 17/04/2022 08:03

Also have you had covid recently? If she brings covid back to you you may end up off for longer.

JustaMirage · 17/04/2022 08:05

I don’t think they should do it. You will have to be honest with your employer.

GeneLovesJezebel · 17/04/2022 08:07

Three periods of sickness are three individual periods of sickness, not three days in a row. Have you had three individual days off ?

Moochio · 17/04/2022 08:08

No your mum needs to rest.

Moochio · 17/04/2022 08:09

And don't put the decision on to your mum either.

AlternativePerspective · 17/04/2022 08:10

And are you going to be honest with your CM and tell her that he’s been in contact with COVID? Because she shouldn’t have to take him and put other children, and then other parents at risk.

The issue isn’t all about him catching COVID, it’s about the ripple effect that would create. So he catches COVID, but not for.a week or so, meanwhile he goes to his childminder’s who has say 3 other children, all of who have parents, siblings, grandparents, some of whom could be vulnerable.

He gives it to you and you go to work, giving it to your colleagues, all of whom have parents, children, friends who could be vulnerable.

I understand your predicament but sending him there would be utterly irresponsible. You presumably wouldn’t send him there if they had a d&v bug, well this is the same.

cookiemonster2468 · 17/04/2022 08:12

Have you had it yourself recently?

The biggest risk to be honest is your 2 year old bringing it back to you, which is a very likely scenario.

You will need time off if you get ill. It really floors some people.

DurhamDurham · 17/04/2022 08:12

When we had covid we continued to look after our three year old granddaughter, our daughter is a nurse working in a busy city hospital where staff sickness was already at crippling levels.
We both had days where we felt dreadful but luckily it wasn't at the same time so we got through it and kept up our granddaughter's routine going as much as possible.

cookiemonster2468 · 17/04/2022 08:13

@AlternativePerspective

And are you going to be honest with your CM and tell her that he’s been in contact with COVID? Because she shouldn’t have to take him and put other children, and then other parents at risk.

The issue isn’t all about him catching COVID, it’s about the ripple effect that would create. So he catches COVID, but not for.a week or so, meanwhile he goes to his childminder’s who has say 3 other children, all of who have parents, siblings, grandparents, some of whom could be vulnerable.

He gives it to you and you go to work, giving it to your colleagues, all of whom have parents, children, friends who could be vulnerable.

I understand your predicament but sending him there would be utterly irresponsible. You presumably wouldn’t send him there if they had a d&v bug, well this is the same.

Exactly this.

You need to think all of this through. Is it actually worth it when you think of it like this?

Original poster
Nightowl1989 · 17/04/2022 08:13

She's not unwell with it, so that part isn't really an issue. If I ring work and tell them I need to be off to look after my daughter I don't get paid for being off for carers leave so will be down £240 for 2 shifts as I'm in work tonight and tomorrow night, I cannot be down by that much money I struggle to make ends meet as it is.
My mum has said she wants to have her but she's worried.
I work in a children's home and with these new rules there will be alot of COVID going round as my colleagues have said they won't be testing anymore as they can't risk loosing their job if they have it.
I'm just so confused I'm leaning towards sending her to my mum's but I'd be mortified if she became unwell

OP posts:
TheGlitterati · 17/04/2022 08:14

What will you do when your child has covid and can’t go to the childminder?

vickyc90 · 17/04/2022 08:18

@TheGlitterati

What will you do when your child has covid and can’t go to the childminder?
She won't know the child has it tho as we aren't testing for COVID anymore. I'm surprised the OP knows her mam has it.

OP if you really can't miss work I would let her go if your mams happy to have her, we are meant to be living with COVID and we wouldn't have stopped her going if mam had cold. Just be aware you might then catch it and be off sick so would be back in the same situation. Could a friend step in and help out in this occasion?

Mindymomo · 17/04/2022 08:19

If you are going to loose your job, then if your DM is feeling well enough, then you don’t really have a choice. Your DM is now at day 5, so hopefully not as infectious as she has been for the past 5-7 days.

pennywiselives · 17/04/2022 08:19

This is tough. It's all very well posters saying you shouldn't do it but not everyone can afford to lose £240 or indeed risk losing their job. Can you ring work, explain the situation and see what they say if you appeal to their better nature?

If it's still looking bad I would send her at this stage. Covid is everywhere. She could just as easily pick it up from the childminders. Also when my ds had it neither dh or I got it so it's not a given that she will catch it. If your parents could wear masks and be stringent with hand washing it will help.

Nobody wants to risk their child getting poorly but these are the kind of decisions we are sadly having to make these days.

oliviastwisted · 17/04/2022 08:19

Do what you need to do OP. Clearly you know the complexities better than anyone on here who will be judging the situation from their own experiences and limited information. This is s very tricky situation and you sound like you are in a vulnerable position. Do what you have to.

starynight21 · 17/04/2022 08:20

So sorry to hear about this awful situation and your rubbish employer.

Could you not try to change your shifts so you have an extra couple of days for your mum to hopefully test negative.

In the long term you should look for a new job.

AtillatheHun · 17/04/2022 08:20

You work in a children’s home and you’re considering this??? Do you / your son really have not one friend or babysitter in the entire world who you can trade a day of childcare / pay in order to save your job?

Original poster
Nightowl1989 · 17/04/2022 08:20

I mean I've had 3 separate days of sickness since October D&V, tonsillitis, and hand foot and mouth when my daughter had it.

Her childminder is aware as but she said it's fine as the government guidelines are now if she herself got it which she did 2 weeks ago she would have to be closed, but children can still come to her if they have it. Although she did say she won't be letting a COVID positive child in but if their extended family has it then she would still let that child in.

OP posts:
TulipsGarden · 17/04/2022 08:21

But your child will catch it, then you'll catch it, and you'll be off sick. I've just had four days off with Covid, it's not fun. It doesn't seem like a very good idea if they're so strict on sickness.

SickAndTiredAgain · 17/04/2022 08:25

@TulipsGarden

But your child will catch it, then you'll catch it, and you'll be off sick. I've just had four days off with Covid, it's not fun. It doesn't seem like a very good idea if they're so strict on sickness.
Well not necessarily. It’s not a given her child will catch it or that OP will catch it (my DH and DD didn’t catch it when I had it despite us not isolating from each other at home). And it’s not a given OP will need any time off work - I had it a couple of months ago at 25 weeks pregnant and barely noticed.

I’m not saying people don’t get ill (obviously) but OP has to balance definitely not being in now vs the possibility of being off later.

Mooloolabababy · 17/04/2022 08:27

Honestly, if I was in your situation, I'd probably send her, only if your parents are happy with it though. When i had it recently, it totally floored me and I wouldn't have had the energy to look after a small child, so you need to make sure they're ok to look after her. Dh and I had it and didn't pass it on to our dcs (who were in the same room with us lots). We did wear masks in the house and had the windows open, could that be an option for your parents whilst your dd is there?

Mamapep · 17/04/2022 08:27

Your employer sounds awful.

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