Am I being insulted here!

[Av0bo55]

Mil keeps saying it’s cupboard love to me regarding my ds like if he needed breast feeding for example and was crying to come to me for any reason, so I looked it up (never heard that saying before) and it seemed really insulting - Meaning they only want me for food and love me for what they can get off me!
Then she’ll say It’s daddies Boy if ds is sat with my dh but I’ve noticed that my son is never mummies boy, only daddies boy or grandma’s boy.
She also tries to grab him all the time and then then if he settles says, my baby he’s grandma’s boy!
Is this normal mil behaviour and old sayings or is she trying to insult me?

I am tired an hormonal as just found out I’m expecting again and dreading telling her as I have such bad memories of her visits after baby arrives and trying to take over the baby like I’m just an incubator and is literally no help whatsoever!
If I’m being unreasonable then how do you approach someone , that is unable to have a conversation about feelings? as I’ve tried once before and was told to not start on her and then she left saying good bye to my dh and the children ,but totally ignored me and walked out! I just don’t know how to deal with this kind of behaviour!
Dh is useless too he’s a great dad and husband in many ways, but terrible where she’s concerned and can’t speak to her either “as it’s not something they do” apparently!
Alien to me as I speak with my family and if they annoy me or vice versa then we discuss it and come to a compromise or a mutual agreement together, that makes everyone happy and then it’s forgotten about. So Aibu here or do I just except these comments mean nothing personal and to just accept it how it is and try make an effort as best I can?

I couldn’t have someone in my home
If they were intentionally goading me repeatedly

@1forAll74

Some younger Mothers these days, seem to get in a tizzy about what older women say to them, especially concerning babies and small children.. Older women may have old fashioned sayings about such things, and you should not take any notice of them, or at least don't overthink what they say, as it's a waste of time pondering about such things. You don't know what you are going to be like , when you get to be a granny !

But this MIL is behaving badly and being very rude. Op is allowed to feel upset by this and to set out her boundaries for what she will and won't accept...

“Oh! Cupboard love!”

• “That’s such a mean spirited thing to say to a mother! You say it quite regularly Debbie, please don’t. It comes across as jealous and weird.”

“He’s daddy’s boy!”

• “He loves his daddy!”

“My baby! He’s grandma’s boy!”

• “DH! Grab a photo quick while DS is settled with your mum! That’s nice for you Debbie! I bet it brings back memories.”

Don’t let her drop in uninvited. If she escalates her rudeness either leave if you are visiting, or if she is with you, suggest she leaves as “that’s enough”.

Warn your husband that you won’t be letting things go from now on so he should be prepared for you to stick up for yourself if he won’t. Make sure he knows you are not asking his permission, just informing him.

Silly woman. She sounds resentful of you.

I think it's insulting, at very best insensitive. It's an old fashioned saying. We tease the cat with it when she. Is winding round our legs mewing 'oh here comes the cupboard love' she drops you like a hot brick at the opening of a sachet.

Can't imagine anyone saying that to a new mum about her baby - not even in jest. If your DH won't say anything, you really should call her out on it. Next time say something like 'I know it's an old fashioned saying but I think it's rude, please can you stop saying it'.

Good luck OP