Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at husband?

59 replies

Nomunkat · 16/04/2022 00:37

DH has asked me for nudes several times in the past, which I've always refused (risks of pictures being leaked, of anyone coming across them, etc...)
He also said he would never send nudes so he agrees.

Today while I was naked, he asked me to turn around. I looked back and caught him taking pictures of me.

I felt kinda off and upset (I have been sexually molested by my ex and he knows it). I asked him to delete the picture and told him not to do it again.

He apologised but also implied that it was okay because he is my husband.

I'm not sure if I'm overreacting and whether he is right or not.

He is normally very respectful of my boundaries.

OP posts:
notanothertakeaway · 16/04/2022 07:23

And could he have saved the photos in a separate folder before deleting them?

jackstini · 16/04/2022 07:37

Disgusting and very disrespectful considering you have made your feelings on this crystal clear

I would be furious but also so so disappointed in him

You need to check he has fully deleted them out of the recently deleted file too

Has he properly apologized and accepted it is not ok, regardless of him being your husband?!

DifficultBloodyWoman · 16/04/2022 07:44

My prediction:.

He isn’t going to change. You will put up with boundary pushing and bad behaviour for a few more years. Then he will do something that makes you see the light. You will have an acrimonious divorce and you will be fearful of revenge porn. You will forever wonder what other photos or videos he has of you.

Or skip all of that. Divorce him now.

Rosebuud · 16/04/2022 07:44

There is something very odd and creepy about that. Honestly I’d be wondering who he is going o show them to or what he is going to do with them. Is he swapping on line? For him to be persistent and not take no for a first answer then to do it against your will means something is very wrong here.

I’m sorry but I think you’ve a much bigger problem on your hands than what you think you have.

PigeonMail · 16/04/2022 07:47

He’s gross I wouldn’t want him anywhere near me every agaib

BitOutOfPractice · 16/04/2022 07:48

Annoyed? I’d be apoplectic!

Libertybear80 · 16/04/2022 07:51

He is a creepy pervert. Yuk.

SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 16/04/2022 07:56

Life is too short to put up with this kind of shit! The trust is gone and I would be as well!

Original poster
Nomunkat · 16/04/2022 08:32

Thanks guys for all your input

OP posts:
Original poster
Nomunkat · 16/04/2022 08:33

I will make sure to check whether he deleted the pics from the bin folder as well.

OP posts:
neverbeenskiing · 16/04/2022 08:35

There is no way he'll be taking those kind of pics and not sharing them.

I agree that this behaviour is totally unacceptable and OP has every right to be furious, but this is one hell of a leap.

Yourgirlfriendrachel · 16/04/2022 08:56

I couldn’t stay with him. I’d be thinking how many times has he done it before? How can I sleep in a bed next to him? Can I lock the bathroom door? Is there a keyhole? Where can I go to get changed where he can’t see me makes or in my underwear etc.

It’s not unheard of for women to have their husband take photos of them while they’re asleep and knowing my husband could take photos of me I’ve said no to would inspire zero confidence in me that he wouldn’t that.

I also wouldn’t want to be in a relationship or share a home with someone who doesn’t know what ‘no’ means and does whatever he can to get his way anyway.

Original poster
Nomunkat · 16/04/2022 14:00

He kept trying to force me to forgive him this morning
Raising his voice at me and standing by the bed to intimidate me
Telling me off for being upset and not wanting to reconcile
Telling me what I was doing was wrong
Huffing and puffing
Murmuring for God sake under his breath

That pissed me off even further

OP posts:
stripeyflowers · 16/04/2022 14:34

@Nomunkat

He kept trying to force me to forgive him this morning Raising his voice at me and standing by the bed to intimidate me Telling me off for being upset and not wanting to reconcile Telling me what I was doing was wrong Huffing and puffing Murmuring for God sake under his breath

That pissed me off even further

I'm sorry, OP there's only one thing you are doing 'wrong' - sharing your life with him.

You know what you have to do. Value yourself and get rid of this man. I know it's usually easier said than done but just start somewhere. He sounds absolutely horrible.

MrsKeats · 16/04/2022 14:45

He is dangerous.
I hope you have some real life support op.

Original poster
Nomunkat · 16/04/2022 15:24

Thank you for your replies.

We are always together as we both wfh so I don't understand the need for pictures either.

OP posts:
jackstini · 16/04/2022 15:25

@Nomunkat

He kept trying to force me to forgive him this morning Raising his voice at me and standing by the bed to intimidate me Telling me off for being upset and not wanting to reconcile Telling me what I was doing was wrong Huffing and puffing Murmuring for God sake under his breath

That pissed me off even further

That's awful OP - that he can't accept he is the one in the wrong and should be apologising

I think this would give me more of an ick factor and I wouldn't want him anywhere near me

stripeyflowers · 16/04/2022 15:44

OP are you quite young?

Original poster
Nomunkat · 16/04/2022 15:47

@stripeyflowers

OP are you quite young?
I'm turning 25 soon
OP posts:
Butterfly44 · 16/04/2022 15:50

Have you asked why he needs a picture? And what was his reply?
It make's no sense why he would want one when you are there irl!! Unless he plans on showing someone?
Besides which it's so utterly disrespectful, particularly as he knows your feelings on it. Not surprised your furious. Not easy to forgive

YoComoManzanas · 16/04/2022 15:50

Wow. Horrible. I would loose all trust and be checking his phone and the house for hidden cameras. Once the trust is gone that's it really isn't it.

stripeyflowers · 16/04/2022 15:52

Yes, it may not feel like it but you have your whole entire ahead of you still. Do have someone in real life to speak to?

YoComoManzanas · 16/04/2022 15:52

...and just seen your update. He's nasty. I'd be ditching him ASAP.

stripeyflowers · 16/04/2022 15:52

*life!

Cakecakecheese · 16/04/2022 15:54

Christ this gets worse. You tell him no. He then decides to do it anyway. Then he is mad at you for being upset. There are so many red flags here it's practically a parade. He violated your trust and is behaving horribly. Is there somewhere you can go? At the very least overnight. I wouldn't want to be around him right now, or ever again tbh, but definitely some space now.