To stop wasting money cooking food they won't eat?

[Mumofsend]

Two DC and I, all three of us are autistic. I'm not a hugely varied eater myself as an adult.

I'm very very conscious of feeding them a varied menu but they just won't/can't eat it and I'm frustrated as I'd be happy with beige dinner for myself nightly. I'm just cooking proper, nutrious and varied meals for them and they aren't touching them.

DD has the worst diet, she lives off one type of pasta shape and chocolate mini rolls. I've just about got a balanced pack lunch accepted for school but she often only eats 2 or 3 items from it.

DS eats his school dinners provided they are a certain few. At home he is pasta and red sauce or pasta and sweetcorn.

I try and cook things like bolognaise, savoury rice, fajitas, chilli, chicken Alfredo, homemade pizza, cottage pie, mild curry's, cajun dirty rice etc. All of it is completely rejected. DD especially gags. They won't eat beige oven food. Chips/nuggets/fish fingers/premade pizza are all rejected. Won't eat anything potato based so jackets are out.

I added lentils to the red sauce tonight and DS gagged.

AIBU to just make red sauce and pasta 7 nights a week for them? Or even do it perhaps alternate nights and something more interesting the other nights?

Oh heck I don't know but I feel your pain!

Christine Mcguiness spoke about this in her documentary. She has just given her children what they want and what they are comfortable with, albeit a very small range of food.

Get a good multi vitamin and mineral supplement. Possibly iron too but get advice.

And enjoy beige food.

This is two of my children. I feed the bin more than them.

YYY to the multivit and mineral supplement.

Feed them what they'll eat.

Maybe once a week you could have a 'family tries new food' night?

Can you put variety into a red sauce? Add roasted tomatoes, red pepper, blitzed carrots? Or will they only eat one kind of red sauce? What about other colours?

I feel your pain op.
My DC are adults now, but I can still remember having to make spag bol in 4 different pans - Dd1 would eat the meat, veg and sauce but not the spaghetti, Dd2 would only eat the spaghetti with sauce ( no meat or veg) Dd3 would only eat the veg, sauce and spaghetti, Dd4 only the spaghetti, and Ds only the meat and spaghetti.

AIBU to just make red sauce and pasta 7 nights a week for them?

DD1 will only eat puréed veg.

We accept this, but make a point of taking to her about what's in the pasta/sauce/soup (once she's tried and likes it )

We're at the point now (she's 10) where she'll eat a variety of veg in puréed form (she knows what she's eating) but not in 'natural' form, except sweet potato and parsnip. She's been like this since weaning (shuddered at fruit and veg).

You could try and let them know what's it the sauce after they've eaten (and enjoyed) it in the hope they'd eat it in other forms

I have given up with youngest, I'm hoping that in the future I will get motivated to start introducing new foods. But not anytime soon, I can't afford the waste and he needs to eat more than I need to be 'right'

Put other veg into the red sauce then blitz it so it’s completely smooth.

@bridgetreilly

Put other veg into the red sauce then blitz it so it’s completely smooth.

Also beans or lentils in and blend.

The advice from Instagram kids' dieticians seems to be to always serve a "safe" food you know they will eat but also keep serving other things alongside so they don't shut down on the possibility completely.

Best advice I've seen though is to recognise it's your responsibility what and when you serve, but theirs what they eat. You can't control that and you must just leave them to it. Stick the food down and no further discussion. Be strict with yourself. Mealtime battlegrounds can be seriously upsetting for parents, and DC feel the anxiety and double down, so hard but you have to take a step back. Above all be kind to yourself.

It sounds like your DD or even both might have ARFID.do you get any help/therapy?

You can sneak a shit load of veggies things into a pasta sauce. Worth trying and seeing if they can tell?

@Mumofsend

You sound like your doing a great job - but I know it must be frustrating.

My best friends daughter is autistic and she used to be a nightmare but she's 10 now and eats much more variety

My friend takes her shopping and lets her choose and they also order some gousto family
Boxes to try and she helps cooking - sometimes she eats it sometimes she doesn't but help with choosing and preparing it helps

Her staple food is pasta too so during COVID with no pasta it was an absolute total nightmare for my friend x

Sorry I didn’t mean to press and vote YABU

When I make pasta and "red sauce" I first roast a tray of Mediterranean vegetables (the ones you can buy in a foil tray) they have peppers, courgette, red onion etc. I sometimes add garlic. Then i blend up these vegetables with a can of tomatoes/half a can. Perhaps your children would eat that.

I serve my 2 very fussy eaters exactly what I want to eat for dinner. If they eat it they get chocolate for pudding. If they don't my dinner is cooked and no waste :)

Give them what they are comfortable with and maybe add an extra item they don't like but on the side. No pressure to try it but there if they want to. I blend veg into sauces to get extra nutrients in to dc

I feed my fussy eater what he wants and now he will try other foods knowing if he doesn’t like it I will give him something he does like. Now he eats a wider range of food

"The food our children eat" by Joanna Blythman has great advice, but not specifically for children with ASD

Gagging doesn't hurt them. I'd keep trying new things whilst providing something they'll eat too.

What worked for us was getting the kids to help make the food. I know it sounds horrific and it would be much easier to get on with it yourself, but if they are given a carrot to grate they are more likely to eat it. Good luck!

I wouldn’t mess around with the pasta sauce your son likes because then you risk him rejecting a previously safe option because he can’t trust it’s safe any more. If they only eat pasta I’d serve pasta every night. But I’d eat with them and have all of the food in serving bowls in the middle of the table, so they have option of fajitas, rice etc. but can also stick to what they feel safe with. Don’t comment on what they do and don’t eat. Exposing them to other food in an non threatening way like this where there is no pressure at all to eat any of it. Have you been the doctor about their eating issues, because a dietician might have more specialised advice?

They eat home-made red sauce? Wow, you're doing great.

Not eating chips or crisps sounds like a pain, tbf.

How old? Which fruit or vegetables do they ever eat?

Friend gets amazing things into home-made cake, avocado, mashed banana...

Might be easier for me to understand if you listed what they do reliably eat.

Could you put ‘secret’ veg n the red sauce, then purée and out through a sieve? I used to do this with my dc as they wouldn’t eat anything with veg in it.