To stop wasting money cooking food they won't eat?

[Mumofsend]

Two DC and I, all three of us are autistic. I'm not a hugely varied eater myself as an adult.

I'm very very conscious of feeding them a varied menu but they just won't/can't eat it and I'm frustrated as I'd be happy with beige dinner for myself nightly. I'm just cooking proper, nutrious and varied meals for them and they aren't touching them.

DD has the worst diet, she lives off one type of pasta shape and chocolate mini rolls. I've just about got a balanced pack lunch accepted for school but she often only eats 2 or 3 items from it.

DS eats his school dinners provided they are a certain few. At home he is pasta and red sauce or pasta and sweetcorn.

I try and cook things like bolognaise, savoury rice, fajitas, chilli, chicken Alfredo, homemade pizza, cottage pie, mild curry's, cajun dirty rice etc. All of it is completely rejected. DD especially gags. They won't eat beige oven food. Chips/nuggets/fish fingers/premade pizza are all rejected. Won't eat anything potato based so jackets are out.

I added lentils to the red sauce tonight and DS gagged.

AIBU to just make red sauce and pasta 7 nights a week for them? Or even do it perhaps alternate nights and something more interesting the other nights?

I have mostly given up on making gorgeous hearty food for my family, No one gives a shit, they all moan and I am the only one who enjoys it and eats it. As PP said I spend ages making it, scrape it into the bin, then I have to wash everything up, then they eat cereal.

I CBA any more.

Beige food is totally fine. Maybe just chop up some cucumber and apple from time to time? Mine also will eat frozen sweetcorn so they have that alongside their fish fingers and plain bread.

Sorry but what happens if you put something on the table, possibly something new but very "normal", and they don't eat it? And no mini rolls or other options for dessert, no alternative at all....

At some point they will get hungry, no?!

Please ignore all posters who dont have dc with asd.

I've also given up. Its better to have some food inside them even if its not great or particularly varied. If I peel some carrots and leave them on the coffee table without saying anything they will dissappear.

When I had difficulty with my daughters eating I asked the GP for a dietician referral. We saw a dietician within two weeks.

Solid Starts picky eating/our story reels on Instagram are really good sources of information. They are specialists in the subject (qualified paediatricians and dieticians). When serving new dishes, you must serve some of their safe foods with them (at least two).

So serve the chilli with a side of sweet corn and accepted pasta shapes. They might not eat the chilli but if they touch it/try it it’s a great start. It can take up to twenty times to accept a new food for children.

Agree with others, maybe try and blitz some veg and freeze in cubes and add a cube or 2 into the sauce if you can

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale

Please ignore all posters who dont have dc with asd.

I've also given up. Its better to have some food inside them even if its not great or particularly varied. If I peel some carrots and leave them on the coffee table without saying anything they will dissappear.

This.

Give up for 1 month. Take the stress out of it. Cook what you know they’ll eat.

Then do the suggestion of adding items that might appeal so they can choose to add to their diets. Keep the safe food safe and available.

Then do the ‘family food experiment’ meal one night a week.

Get multivitamins.

Try not to worry.

2 dc with ASD and honestly, we do the same. At the weekend (when there’s more time), we’ll cook extra stuff that DH and I like in the hope that the dcs will try a bit (and sometimes they do!) but otherwise it’s the same meals on rotation plus vitamin supplements.

We managed to switch to brown pasta for the fibre but no such luck yet with rice.

Thankfully both children have select fruit and vegetables that they’ll eat (mostly different from each other of course!) so they get a bit if fresh stuff.

Ultimately, I don’t think it’s helpful to anyone to turn mealtimes into a battle - it’s just stressful for you and for the children and could perhaps do more damage in the long run (I gag on a few food items and had the ‘you need to eat everything’ upbringing. Certain items I still can’t eat now and the memory of staring at congealed food as wasn’t allowed down from the table has stayed with me).

One of the things I find works for my children is to adopt a kind of no pressure, curiously approach. So we are finding out together what it is about food which make them delicious to us, and what it is about foods which we find unpleasant. We discovered by doing this that texture plays a huge part here, and it means I can respectfully plan their food around this. It also means that the kids know that I get they are not being purposefully irritating or just playing up, and they know I understand what it is about certain things they dislike. We talk about how everyone has things they like and things they don't, and that's ok.

Using this approach my kids have been able to try things and we have discussed what they like and dislike, without any worry that they are going to be made to eat a whole plate of it. They've also been able to try stuff in a kind of "I wonder if the texture of this is still not nice to me". One of my kids is now able to eat a few things they didn't like before like mushrooms.

Thank you. I think I'm going to give it a break for a month and then start again slowly.

I'm nervous re blending stuff into red sauce, it's one thing adding lentils which make it visually different but they can see them and it's not a trick. If I mess with the taste I risk losing a safe food if they no longer trust it.

DD is the worst of the two, she would almost certainly be diagnosed AFRID if our area diagnosed it. They've both been on and off under the dietician but the dietician are pretty useless for ASD kids, especially when DD won't touch the special drinks.

Everything does always get served with a small portion of the safe plain pasta in a seperate bowl to try and take the pressure off.

@Regenbogen22 last time I tried that DD became very poorly. Its not just fussy/selective eating and they'd rather starve than eat something they don't trust. DD has more than once been classed as malnourished with multiple deficiencies. She's 2nd centile for her weight but 75th for her height so is tiny.

I totally understand not wanting to risk a safe food.

I do the thing PP have mentioned of serving a safe food (sometimes it's cereal ) along side what I would be eating anyway. To avoid waste I have taken to cooking less of it, as I know they won't eat it, but it can be a bit soul destroying having it refused every time, so don't feel bad about a break.

We saw a dietitian who had some good advice about food chaining - so focusing on foods very like foods they will already eat - so a different type of cracker or pasta etc. Could you try changing the sauce slightly, serving it along with they sauce they like, and encouraging them to try it? I know that's more work. We've worked on him changing the appearance of a safe food himself (cutting bread into shapes with cutters) to help experience eating something that looks different and tastes the same, so then it was easier to try something that came ready made in a different shape (pasta).

It's so hard, and I really feel for you However, in the past couple of months DS has licked a blueberry, eaten a different shape of pasta and actually ate a cookie with raisins in - this may sound like nothing, but is huge for him.

Thanks to posters who have shared how their children have improved over time, I find it really helpful to hear that change is possible for children who really struggle with this.

I like the idea of serving the "safe" food alongside something new / different

I never forced my DC to eat anything, but did ask them to lick it, and praised them for trying it, even if they just licked. And if they didn't eat it, I made a point of saying "oh lucky me, I'll have it myself" and ate itinerary front of them, so they could see that I was happy to eat eg apple

Good luck

My DS has ASD and has always had a restricted (although not quite to the extent of your children) and he also hates the sensation of feeling full so would also limit the amount of food that he would eat. I have always just served him what we had and told him that he had to eat a small amount of it at least, I always made sure to serve at least one thing that he would eat. However, his diagnosis is recent as is a lot of my understanding about all this and in retrospect I wouldn't have been so strict. Since I have relaxed and he has grown up a bit he has become more willing to try things and we actually now have a good rotation of family meals that he will enjoy or tolerate. Some of these I have to adapt his portion, for example so the cheese isn't melted or so it has no spice but its a massive improvement. However, it's now much harder to eat out as he's too grown up (13) to have a kids meal and we can no longer just order penne with tomato sauce. Anyway my point is really that you sound completely on top of what your kids need and it sounds like you're handling it well already. Also it might improve as they get older! It's very stressful you have my sympathies.

I have three fussy kids, one with ARFID, another one looks to be going the same way. I serve up their 'safe' foods and then also just offer some other food as well. I've found that when they are in control of their eating and not hungry they are more inclined to eat other foods. Even if it's a different variety of chocolate I take it as a win! I do give them multivitamins. I tend to make double of what I want, and then they can have some too if they want. If they don't I have my dinner for tomorrow prepped! I also usually put a range of fruits and vegetables in front of them. One DC has gained 1 vegetable, to a total of 2 vegetables they are willing to eat. I like to think of it as a 100% increase though! As I said, take the wins where you can find them.
But by providing the safe foods we have taken the stress out of meal times. Everyone is more relaxed about food. That is worth a lot to have peaceful meal times.

@Regenbogen22

Sorry but what happens if you put something on the table, possibly something new but very "normal", and they don't eat it? And no mini rolls or other options for dessert, no alternative at all....

At some point they will get hungry, no?!

Yes they will get hungry, mine will also get sallow skin, diarrhea, lose weight and take to his bed after a few days of only drinking. I have also made him puke by trying to force him to eat foods he cannot stand the texture/thought of.

If it was a simple case of starve them into eating we ALL would have done that, ASD kids are not the same as naughty defiant kids.
Being right and having kids who eat anything isn't as important as your kids having the strength to be children.

I'm dealing with ASD children.

AND an ASD vegan who dislikes vegetables, can you hear me screaming?

Beige food it is.

Otherwise the bin gets fed more than the children.

They say that kids won't starve themselves, but they will. With ARFID they essentially see anything but there safe foods as poison/non food. If you were starving Would you eat arsenic or sand? That's how it feels to a child with ARFID. That what they are eating is actively harmful or not food at all. My DC describes it as being like trying to eat play dough when I try and introduce a new food. They know it's food but there is a disconnect between their mouth and brain. They can't make them-self eat it. Then if we push too much with new foods, we start to lose more and more safe foods. I wouldn't have believed kids would rather starve, but with ARFID it isn't about preference. It's a fear response a bit like a phobia to new foods, it's illogical and there is no reasoning with them. They already know it's not reasonable. They just can't override it. And the only way to even try and do that is to take the fear out of it and let them start to explore food without eating it. So they are relaxed enough to play with the play dough substance, smell it, maybe even taste it until they realise it's not play dough after all. Forcing kids doesn't help them, and can create these kind of eating issues.