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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Today I hate being a parent

38 replies

SomeQuietPlease · 15/04/2022 18:38

Single parent with 1 DC aged 7, just me and them at home. DC hasn’t seen ExH for a few weeks, he’s having them for the next two weeks then will go a few weeks without seeing them, it’s not what we agreed but I can’t force him to see them.

DC is very insecure, their teacher, a counsellor and members of my family have noticed. DC talks constantly, from the moment they open their eyes until the moment they go to sleep, if they sleep, some nights they fight sleep to talk to me.

It’s exhausting, but it’s their way of making sure I don’t “forget” them, the more they talk, the less likely I am to forget them. There may also (very likely is) be learning difficulties at play.

I have never forgotten them, not once, not even in those sleep deprived early days, not even when they go to their dads overnight, not when they’re at school, not ever. I’m always thinking about them, planning fun things for us to do together, and organising childcare or activities for when I’m working and can’t look after them.

Today has been exhausting, from the moment they woke up. My request for a few minutes of quiet was met with “But I have to tell you this” or “just this one more thing and then this…”.

I had to be in sight at all times. Tried to get them to play at the park while I sat on a bench but they wouldn’t leave my side so we went home.

They then refused to walk home, so I ended up carrying them, which took over 2 hours – the park is only a quarter of a mile away but they refused to walk, everytime I tried they’d sit on the floor refusing to move, I couldn’t get out of sight as the park is on the same road as our flat.

Then when we got home I walked out my front door and sat on the stairs for some quiet and less than a minute later DC is there talking constantly. If they had nothing new to say they’d retell me something in a different way, I heard the same story 3 times, I wouldn’t mind but I was actually there when this story actually happened.

They have to show me something on the TV or in their game or on the ipad, so I can’t even escape to the kitchen to cook (very small kitchen, table is in the living room).

I am done today. And I’m not working again until Wednesday, I have no idea how I will cope with 4 more days of this constant.

It’s exhausting being someones constant and I hate myself for saying that, but I just want to breathe, I want to sleep uninterrupted by a small person who absolutely must tell me that their feet where too hot or a cat outside sneezed while chasing a bird or their teachers favourite colour is green.

AIBU I know but I'm either working to keep a roof over DCs head or caring for DC, I never seem to get just silence.

OP posts:
Thewheelsfalloffthebus · 15/04/2022 18:40

Invite a friend of your son’s over for tomorrow? Or meet up with a friend/family member with kids?

PotteringAlong · 15/04/2022 18:44

You carried your 7 year old home for 2 hours because they refused to walk? And you couldn’t physically have been out of sight because of the short distance involved and your flat was on same street as the park?

What would have happened if you had just walked off and left them?

Rodedooda · 15/04/2022 18:47

You sound really down, I hope you're ok.

Try baby steps? Eg setting a timer where he has to be silent and when that time is up you will give him your full attention for an equal time. Then up that time, make it a game.

I don't get how he's so clingy yet you had to carry him home from the park? Surely he would've run after you?

Anyway we can only give you some suggestions, it sounds as if you could do with professional help. Could you speak to HV in thr first instance?

milderchilly · 15/04/2022 18:50

I am sorry you had a really long long long day. Will your child ride a scooter as it’s not fair on you to carry them home. Otherwise try to break the walk but going to the shop for a small treat for eg an ice lolly.

Pumperthepumper · 15/04/2022 18:55

That sounds so incredibly difficult. Would they write down everything they want to tell you instead of speaking it?

arethereanyleftatall · 15/04/2022 19:05

Goodness you must have the patience of a saint not to have yelled 'no, no more stories. Go and play, I'm having a cup of tea in peace.' I would have. Very many times. Thanks

SomeQuietPlease · 15/04/2022 19:12

@arethereanyleftatall Telling them or shouting at them to go and play just means they come back within a few minutes, I wish that worked!

@Pumperthepumper They can't write, it's part of their suspected LDs.

@milderchilly Will try that thank you! Will mean walking passed our block of flats to get to the shop but they do like sweets.

@PotteringAlong When I'm having a bad day I don't think straight, so I didn't think to just walk off will try next time thank you.

@Thewheelsfalloffthebus They have friends (thankfully) and they are seeing a few next week, will try the park again tomorrow and see whose about.

@Rodedooda Timer is a good idea thank you, all I wanted was 2 or 3 lots of a few minutes quiet in the day so I could think.

OP posts:
Thewheelsfalloffthebus · 15/04/2022 19:16

Try texting friends’ parents to co-ordinate park trip timings! Take a coffee for yourself in a thermos :)
Try a movie night with your kid. Put on their favourite kid’s film and cuddle up on the sofa together. Bring a book/magazine for you. The physical closeness will reassure your kid and you’ll hopefully get a mental break from the constant chatting.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/04/2022 19:17

I seem to recall using a timer when I wanted a cup of tea in peace op. Twenty minutes or whatever. 'Right darling, I've played with you for twenty minutes, now I'm having me time for twenty minutes. Here's the timer. Here's your lego. Enjoy, I love you, see you when it goes off.'

Hankunamatata · 15/04/2022 19:20

Iv an 8 year old adhder you have pretty much described in your post. Most people ask if he pauses for breath.

I crave silence at times and luckily he adores roblox so chats with his school friends.

Iv nothing to offer but sympathy. Its exhausting

Cocomarine · 15/04/2022 19:21

Why do you think it’s because he needs to remind you that he’s there? That seems very specific when actually some children just don’t STFU and there’s no psychological reason for it.

What’s he like if you stay with him but only give him, “mm hmm” and “that’s nice darling”? Sometimes it helps to zone out somewhat.

Babymamamama · 15/04/2022 19:24

It’s so hard isn’t it. My DC is a bit older than yours but very resistant to seeing their other parent so I have to be mum dad and sibling to my child. I adore them but it is relentless. I often invite my neighbours over just to break up the atmosphere and have some adult company. It will get easier I promise as there will come a time when you will be able to pop out for short periods. Deep breaths. When my DC was younger I constantly had other children over for tea or whatever as then they would play together and I could relax or get on with other things.

Comedycook · 15/04/2022 19:31

but it’s their way of making sure I don’t “forget” them

Why does you DC think this? Do you think your ex has put this idea in their head?

Thack · 15/04/2022 19:33

Would hide and seek give you a short breather?
I used to do this babysitting a family friend's daughter. So obvious where she was, I'd just walk past 'I wonder where she is' and go in another room. A few more comments loudly as if I was looking and she'd giggle while I was really sat on the settee.

IckyPop · 15/04/2022 19:38

I totally feel your pain. It's just me and my 8 year old and it is relentless. The talking, the non stop talking at you. I sometimes feel like I cannot beat to hear his voice, it grates in my nerves so much.

He used to be clingy in the same way as you describe, but has made a marked improvement in the last 9 months or so. I have had to be quite hard at times and said "this is what's happening" whereas before I used to be so afraid of damaging him emotionally.

It's hard to do but for your own sanity if you have anyone who is trusted, that your DC is relatively happy to be looked after by, I found what has worked is grasping the nettle. Have an overnight break, or preferably two, regroup and then spending time with them feels that bit easier.

It's been work in progress for months, but I have found that he has dealt with separation far more easily than I expected.

Good luck, I hope you get the breaks you need, they are essential Thanks

Whatsmyname100 · 15/04/2022 19:40

@arethereanyleftatall

Goodness you must have the patience of a saint not to have yelled 'no, no more stories. Go and play, I'm having a cup of tea in peace.' I would have. Very many times. Thanks
I've done this as well. I have a 6yo. You are a human as well, and you need breathing space. There's nothing wrong in being firm with your dc and teaching them to respect that. Your ds doesn't understand that. Put something on for him to watch.
allthecrackers · 15/04/2022 19:45

Sounds like possibly AS? And just pure loneliness.xx

SmellyOldOwls · 15/04/2022 20:05

'I've done this as well. I have a 6yo. You are a human as well, and you need breathing space. There's nothing wrong in being firm with your dc and teaching them to respect that. Your ds doesn't understand that. Put something on for him to watch.'

I've had to talk about this with my almost 5 year old. 'Give me time to do this (I was crocheting) sometimes mummy likes to do things too.' It did seem to sink in. Nothing wrong with explaining that sometimes mums like a bit of quiet time with no talking.

SmellyOldOwls · 15/04/2022 20:06

Oh also a day at the beach is great for them entertaining themselves and even better if they bring a friend. My son is very chatty and he can spend hours playing quietly in the sand.

PotteringAlong · 16/04/2022 18:04

Also. Wireless headphones. There in body. Not in mind Grin

SomeQuietPlease · 16/04/2022 20:53

Todays been easier, they still kicked off about absolutely everything but I felt better able to cope with it

OP posts:
Babymamamama · 17/04/2022 13:54

I sometimes have to remind myself OP that everything about parenting is a stage. Some are harder than others. And this stage will pass. You have all our sympathy.

Merryoldgoat · 17/04/2022 14:05

My friend’s son is the same and my son has moments like that.

In both cases the boys are ND.

I agree that a timer could help and, frankly, bring firmer.

That’s not a criticism, it just something I got to later but my son needs a firm line sometimes.

I really feel for you OP - it sounds exhausting.

JustWantToCry000 · 17/04/2022 14:40

Do you have enough money to take them to a soft play or something tomorrow?
It was my saviour for days like this

returntoUK · 17/04/2022 14:47

People have suggested lots of sticking plaster ideas but it sounds like you need professional health. Have you spoken to the GP about dc?

Flowers for you, it sounds brutal and relentless.

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