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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My mum is so poorly, we know it could be hours or days before she dies

41 replies

Nottogetapenny · 15/04/2022 16:06

My amazing mum has Alzheimer’s, she has had it for 10 years! It’s been so hard to watch my amazing mum, go through this!
My sister and I cared for her, over the last 9 and a half years, but 6 months ago we had to put her in nursing care.
She now has pneumonia, she can’t shallow, and now getting just mouth care! she can’t see or hear!
We are watching every breath she takes hope it won’t be her last, but also hopefully she will be realest from this so cruel illness Alzheimer’s! 🌺

OP posts:
MagnoliatheMagnificent · 15/04/2022 16:09

I understand your pain. My Mum too has Alzheimer's. She is reasonably well at the moment but her brain is significantly deteriorating. She is my Mum, and yet she isn't. In some ways a peaceful, gentle death is the best thing you can hope for. Sending hugs and prayers for you and your family. Daffodil

JengaTower · 15/04/2022 16:12

Hopefully she's on all the relevant end of life medication to relieve any pain and discomfort.

It's such an emotional time Thanks

Know that she loves you and you love her Thanks

707smile · 15/04/2022 16:15

Thinking of you OP Flowers . You did so well to care for her for such a long time through Dementia, which is just such a horrendous thing to go through. I've not had experience of Alzheimer's specifically but I have cared for a loved one with Vascular Dementia, which is similar and it was all consuming, heartbreaking and so distressing.

I hope you get some time to be with her and to talk to her. She may understand even if she cannot speak and may benefit from having her hand held too.

707smile · 15/04/2022 16:16

Oh sorry just read that she cannot hear. I'm sorry for missing that.

Friedaseyebrow · 15/04/2022 16:19

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Alzheimer's is so cruel isn't it? We lost my darling MiL 5 years ago and , as sad as it was, it was a release for her. Sending you my very best wishes. Be kind to yourself, it sounds like you and your siblings have done your absolute best by her. Flowers

Friedaseyebrow · 15/04/2022 16:20

Gosh, so sorry at that emoji, it was supposed to be Flowers

Thesheerrelief · 15/04/2022 16:24

My mother, who had Alzheimer’s, passed away in January. She also went down after developing pneumonia. We had cared for her at home until six weeks before she passed and were luckily able to be with her at the end. We kept a vigil by her bedside and, like you, watched every breath. My thoughts are with you all now Flowers

Nottogetapenny · 15/04/2022 18:06

Thank you all so much, for all your kind and thoughtful words. They mean a lot to know other people care. I just wanted to share how wonderful my mum is. Xx

OP posts:
Francescaisstressed · 15/04/2022 19:24

I had a family member pass from alzheimers. I was by her bed for 10 days in the end - she had suffered for 15 years. It is truly a cruel illness and I can't imagine how hard it has been for you. How beautiful that you have been with her and will be with her in her last moments - I truly believe that whilst some memories will had faded they can feel the love regardless. You'll be in my thoughts this evening Flowers

Mumdiva99 · 15/04/2022 19:31

Sorry you are going through this. I hope her passing is as peaceful as it can be. Flowers

Bunnybingesoneggs · 15/04/2022 19:49

You are very lucky op. Your dm must be very loved. And you must be a great dd to have cared for her for so long. Memories of your relationship will be treasured forever. Remember not everyone is so blessed..
Thoughts to you and your dm.

bringincrazyback · 15/04/2022 19:50

So sorry, OP. Thinking of you. Thanks

Gonnabegrandma · 15/04/2022 20:13

Thinking of you both . Mums are so very special . Treasure every moment you have together . So sorry for the pain you are going through

Igmum · 15/04/2022 20:15

Sending love ThanksThanks

Suzi888 · 15/04/2022 20:17

You are lucky to have such a lovely mum and she’s lucky to have you too.

My aunt had dementia and then passed away from pneumonia, it was very peaceful. It’s such a cruel disease. Flowers

bilbodog · 15/04/2022 20:29

My best wishes to you all 💐💐

Nottogetapenny · 15/04/2022 21:22

My sister and I have been reading all your lovely messages. We have tears in our eyes, as everyone has been so kind to take time to post. We are sorry that many have gone through the same.
Thank you so much from both of us😘

OP posts:
Wavygravy1 · 15/04/2022 21:28

Sending lots of love xxx

Nottogetapenny · 16/04/2022 13:58

We are still waiting for the inevitable! She look really comfortable, which is such a blessing. Even though she can’t hear us, we have been talking to her about some of the amazing things she has done for us all. A wonderful wife to my wonderful dad who sadly passed away. So much loved , nana, great nana and sister.
Yes we are lucky to have such a loving family, but it was our mam and dad that made it that way. 🙏💐

OP posts:
PegsandBags · 16/04/2022 14:03

If you are permitted, you could get some aromatic oils and give her a comforting hand massage. Touch is so nice, especially at times like this. Good for you and good for them.

I am so sorry you are on this path. So was I. It is a privilege to accompany them on their final journey.

Calafsidentity · 16/04/2022 14:07

Bless you, your sister, and your family op! You are doing great things by just being there; do not underestimate the power of that. I hope your mother has a comfortable and peaceful death. Sending lots of strength and prayers to you all xx

JustAnotherDayWorkingAtHome · 16/04/2022 14:56

OP so sorry you are going through this. My DM had dementia and then was hospitalised with pneumonia and became sepsis which she passed away from. I take comfort from the fact I said goodbye and sat with her and sang to her just hours before she passed away. Thinking of you xxxx

Nottogetapenny · 17/04/2022 07:25

My mum has taken her last breath and is finally at peace! 💐

OP posts:
RandomMess · 17/04/2022 07:27

Thanks my thoughts are with you x

Calafsidentity · 17/04/2022 07:55

I'm very sorry for your loss op Flowers

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