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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have taken time off work due to miscarriage?

30 replies

KittenF · 14/04/2022 19:56

I've just had an email from my employer saying I have breached my contract and acted "extremely unprofessionally."

I had a MC in January. I notified them of when my appointments were - I had to go in for medical management and then had to have an operation a month later.

There was one occasion where I had to go to a&e at short notice and had to take the day off.

A month later the hospital phoned me to let me know they had a cancellation and I could come in the next day. I accepted and let my employer know.

I'm not sure if AIBU? Should I have prioritised work over the appointments? They are annoyed that I didn't give them enough notice, however, I gave them as much notice as I had. I'm not sure what to think.

OP posts:

pinkunicorns54 · 14/04/2022 19:57

YANBU and I would keep that email. I imagine it could go down as discrimination! Speak to your union / HR!

WhiskersPete · 14/04/2022 19:59

Sorry for your loss. That letter is outrageous. If in the UK, they cannot touch you for any pregnancy related absences. I would write a reply and detail this. Are you with a union?

Wouldyoubabys · 14/04/2022 20:02

Absolutely not unreasonable at all. Pregnancy is a protected characteristic so I think they would be on very shakey grounds legally as well as morally. I hope you are okay

Qwill · 14/04/2022 20:04

Can you get hold of your contract? I would start there first. There might be a clause that there is a procedure to follow as to how you tell the employer, for example you need to phone or email in the morning. Even if there is, it’s doubtful it would be a disciplinary offence. The sickness policy should be detailed in your contract, and from what you’ve said it doesn’t sound like you would have breached it. Having also experienced what you’re going through, it’s hard to take the emotion out of it, but from experience it’s best to try and stay completely factual and get them to tell you what part of the contract they think you have breeched. Good luck OP and I hope you have some support for recovery.

dudsville · 14/04/2022 20:04

Yanbu, I've been in your shoes. Your manager is acting appallingly. I'm sorry op for your loss. I hope you get a moment to ground yourself.

HousePlantNeglect · 14/04/2022 20:06

I was signed off for two weeks after medical management of a miscarriage and I absolutely needed it (more emotionally than anything).

Sorry for your loss. Your employer is being completely unreasonable.

MajorCarolDanvers · 14/04/2022 20:06

As others have said you cannot be disciplined for pregnancy related illness. You are very firmly protected by the law in this case.

The person who is behaving extremely unprofessionally is in fact the person who has sent this to you.

Has this come from your line manager?

MrsMattMurdock · 14/04/2022 20:07

Yanbu. You've taken the absolute minimum time I would expect in these circumstances. I'm actually shocked at what you've described, assuming you are in the UK. Depending on what "breach of contract" entails I would seek advice from a union or ACAS as they sound discriminatory.

Sexnotgender · 14/04/2022 20:07

That’s absolutely wild. I’m so sorry your work are arseholes.

OatmilkandCookies · 14/04/2022 20:08

You can't have any action taken against you for pregnancy related absence.
Your manager is acting appallingly. I hope you're OK and I'm sorry for your loss 💐

PollyPutTheKettleOnKettleOn · 14/04/2022 20:11

Save multiple copies of that dreadful email - print it and save it electronically not on your work computer/system.

I am so deeply sorry for your loss, op

Your employers don't have a leg to stand on.

Merryoldgoat · 14/04/2022 20:13

Who on earth sent you that? Is there an HR Department?

Original poster

KittenF · 14/04/2022 20:28

Thanks everyone. Unfortunately it's a small company. They do have an "HR" person, but she left last week and so far no replacement has been made.

OP posts:

Unsure33 · 14/04/2022 20:31

I would speak to acas .it’s free. They should help you with a reply email . You need this removed from your record.

Rights · 14/04/2022 20:35

I second speaking to ACAS for advice OP - your employers are beyond despicable. You have done nothing wrong here.

Sorry for your loss and I hope you’re getting the support you need

Heronwatcher · 14/04/2022 20:39

Make a formal written complaint and say that you want the letter withdrawn, and an explanation for why they are penalising an employee who has a medical emergency. See if you can also request a copy of the company policy on emergency medical treatment. If there’s no HR do this through your manager. This is astonishingly terrible.

CoconutQueen · 14/04/2022 20:42

@Heronwatcher

Good advice above - do this.

Employers simply cannot do this. You need to raise a serious complaint.

Chessie678 · 14/04/2022 20:44

As people have said time off for a miscarriage should be treated as pregnancy related so you should have protection for disciplinary action for it. I wonder if your employer is worried that you will get pregnant again and is (very clumsily) trying to lay the groundwork for pushing you out beforehand? It may be worth getting your gp to certify that the time off you had for the miscarriage was pregnancy related if they’re willing to and then sharing this with your employer.

CrowAndArrow · 14/04/2022 20:45

Yep, what the last poster said !

Raindrops2015 · 14/04/2022 21:13

That's horrible. Miscarriage and any treatment or time taken for mental health toll of it is a pregnancy related absence. I'm sorry you went through this. I experienced this myself. My employer gave me 3
weeks off with discretion (no warnings) and offered employee counselling. I would union up and consider a discrimination complaint. I'm sorry for your loss.

Comtesse · 14/04/2022 21:20

Sorry for your loss OP. And sorry your employers are idiots too. Call Acas and check with them.

SmellyOldOwls · 14/04/2022 21:23

Something like this happened to me. I had time off for a 10 week miscarriage, needed surgical management and asked for a days annual leave at short notice for a follow up scan. My boss sent me a text saying I needed to give more notice for days off and a few other things. At the time I just felt shit and it added another layer of shitness but I'm quite pissed off looking back. Particularly since she'd had weeks off sick after a 6 week miscarriage and I put in a fiver for her flowers. All I got was an arsey text!

MrsMingech · 14/04/2022 21:34

This is horrible.

Did you work in that month where you were pregnant and waiting for the appointment?
If you were then fuck those guys 5 times over.

And if you weren't?

Fuck those guys 5 times over.

Seriously, small company or not, it's no excuse.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 14/04/2022 21:37

pregnantthenscrewed.com/

You may get some specific advice here.

YANBU to take time off for appointments and further time if you needed it physically or mentally.

seven201 · 14/04/2022 21:48

It sounds like they have no clue and are being complete dicks.

I had half a day off for a miscarriage (had two before that and didn't take any time off for so definitely wasn't taking the piss) and was told by my manager that it would count towards my 5 days sickness absence allowance per year, which I was already nearing (for unrelated surgery). I pointed out that a miscarriage couldn't be counted to that and no more was said. I do think some employers/managers are just clueless. They should have some bloody compassion though!

I'm sorry you're going through this. I take it they know exactly what each day off was for? I hope you get an apology.

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