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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I DONT WANT TOOOOO!!!!!

82 replies

CornishPastyPirate · 14/04/2022 15:56

I feel like an ungrateful dick
We are in a rented house that’s falling apart and too small but I love it,been hear 14yrs and the location is perfect
We are moving in two weeks too our very own home but it’s a 10-15 min drive away ( I don’t drive we walk everywhere we need to but husband drives)
The new house is ours
It’s bigger
It’s lovely
BUT I just don’t want to go!!! I can’t even bare to pack up! It’s breaking my heart but there are 6 of us in a two bed,we can’t even sit down together it’s so small,our dining room is a bedroom now!!
Husband is sad that I’m sad because he’s so excited
I just can’t…….

OP posts:
speakingofart · 14/04/2022 16:54

Completing next Friday and I feel exactly the same. There are so many good reasons to move but now it’s here I don’t want to.

We will get through and it’ll pass

abigailsnan · 14/04/2022 16:55

You will all be sad to move I'm sure,but the memories will always be with you so pack them up as well and move the memories with you x

Come back in a couple of months and tell us how much you love YOUR house.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 14/04/2022 16:56

If it is a drive away from your 'perfect location' - I'm guessing that you feel worried about being cut-off and needing a lift to get back.

Can you cycle? Walking is good but slow. Bikes can give you a longer -distance freedome.

I do feel for you though. I'm more extreme than most on this and don't like change -even when I want it. (I've always liked clothes better once I've got to know them properly. New ones have to hang for a while.)

D0lphine · 14/04/2022 16:58

Put your big girl pants on. You're in a position many would kill for - owning a home suitable for your families needs. Lucky you!

WalkerWalking · 14/04/2022 17:01

Moving is terrifying! But once you're in with all your old stuff (and of course your family) you'll realise that a home is not just the bricks and mortar. I know that's corny, but it's true.

Calennig · 14/04/2022 17:01

I'd try focusing on the future and all the postive the new house will bring.

It's the tack we've always taken - even when moves haven't always been at our instigation - there's usually something better. We did same with children when we moved here - seemed to help everyone.

I was a bit taken back when Mum friend at school gate was like this with her children nostalgic and suddenly negative - the schools stayed the same and it was just across the city - house with garden rather than flat. Kids got upset rather than excited though few days after move they were all happier.

NowNowDermot · 14/04/2022 17:02

I moved from a house I hated (and I really did hate it!) in the worst possible circumstances (for my own safety) and I still felt like this OP! For some of us this is just how we feel about house moves, not everyone understands it but it's just the way we are.

The good news is that the new house will feel like home much faster than you think and, from what you've said, it's a positive, and pretty much essential move. You literally just have to grit your teeth and get through the packing and the actual move and it will quickly start to get better.

I've moved a few times over the years and, although I always feel the same, it has got easier because I know it's a temporary feeling and i will get through it. I'm not generally a fan of hiding emotions but the best advice I can give is try to slap a smile on (so you're not causing unnecessary friction with DH) and just get through on autopilot as much as you can. Keep busy, don't dwell on what you're leaving and focus on the things about the new house you're looking forward to, it will be ok Flowers

godmum56 · 14/04/2022 17:10

JFDI OP

oakleaffy · 14/04/2022 17:12

You are so lucky to have your own place!
Beats renting 💯 times.
Be thankful.

Fulmine · 14/04/2022 17:14

Focus on the wonders of being able to sit down together, having a dining room, having room to swing a cat. Get a bike.

muppamup · 14/04/2022 17:14

count yourself lucky OP. Is this a stealth boast post?

grapewines · 14/04/2022 17:16

I wish I had this problem. Get a bike so you don't have to ask for lifts going back to the perfect location, pack up and move.

Fairislefandango · 14/04/2022 17:20

YABU. Sounds like a total no-brainer. Like a pp said, maybe some people are just like that - are you like this about change generally OP? I love a change! Last time we moved it was from one end of England to the other (with barely a backward glance from me), and we didn't even have the renting to owning and space motivation that you do and were moving 4hrs away frour nearest family!

MissStarry · 14/04/2022 17:21

Embrace the change and be happy and grateful that you’ve been lucky enough to enjoy your current home as you have, and now it’s the time for pastures new and to make new and exciting memories in your new house ♥️ Enjoy!!

SiobhanSharpe · 14/04/2022 17:24

I moved nine months ago after many years of village life. We downsized and it has not been easy but we had far too much stuff.
This house seems so small, (although it's not, really) and I'm still getting used to it. But it is starting to feel like home, we love the new area and frankly it had to be done. The old place and its rural location would have become more and more difficult as we got older.
But you're going to a much bigger place and it sounds just lovely! I know it's scary too, change often is, but you do need more space and that's not going to change any time soon.
Can I recommend you book driving lessons and take your test? It will be easier to keep in contact with old friends and neighbours even though you're not moving too far, it will give you a short term aim and a sense of accomplishment. It's also extremely useful!

TheNoonBell · 14/04/2022 17:26

Once you have your stuff packed and the place is empty it won't feel like home any more.

Onwards and upwards!

Original poster
CornishPastyPirate · 14/04/2022 17:27

The kids are staying at their school which I also work at so we will get a lift every morning but will have to wait for a lift back home for a few hours,I’m worried about not having a base hear anymore in case of problems ect ( I have a lot of anxiety issues!!)
I’m just sad. I moved in as a single mum with one and leaving with 4,so so much has happened hear. It’s home but I know we have outgrown it.

OP posts:
Original poster
CornishPastyPirate · 14/04/2022 17:30

Learning to drive isn’t really an option for me for various reasons
I can’t even keep the pushchair in a straight line!

OP posts:
SlatsandFlaps · 14/04/2022 17:30

I say this in the gentlest of tones - If you were to stay there much longer, you’re at risk of becoming neglectful of your children’s needs as they grow

whatwouldsueheckdo · 14/04/2022 17:35

I get why you feel this way op, but as others have said it sounds like something you have to do for the sake of all your family. I’d just add - try and fake a little excitement if you can, for the sake of your DH and presumably kids. This is a massive milestone and achievement and should feel joyous.

NowNowDermot · 14/04/2022 17:40

@CornishPastyPirate

Learning to drive isn’t really an option for me for various reasons I can’t even keep the pushchair in a straight line!
It wasn't for me either, for similar reasons Blush I was in much the same boat when we moved, worried about the logistics of everything and feeling panicked about not being able to just 'pop back to the house'. Honestly you will find ways round it, all the things that feel alien about the new place will start to feel familiar really quickly and that displaced feeling will disappear as you find your feet. I know it feels horrible now, that's why I recommended 'autopilot' if you possibly can, ime the more you allow yourself to think about it the worse it will feel so I've learnt to stay too busy to think Smile
carefullycourageous · 14/04/2022 17:41

@SlatsandFlaps

I say this in the gentlest of tones - If you were to stay there much longer, you’re at risk of becoming neglectful of your children’s needs as they grow
I disagree with this. Many people all across the world live in very small houses, this seems to me to be an ignorant thing to say.
carefullycourageous · 14/04/2022 17:44

@CornishPastyPirate this feeling is natural and understandable, you have been there a long time.

It is similar to feeling we do not want an operation or something - we know rationally what we are doing is right but we don;t want to have to do it.

I have just moved from a small house to a bigger house and also did not want to go through with it at times. And have said a few times since that I wished I had not moved! But really it is much better and I am settling in OK.

Good luck, get packing and get gone Brew

p.s. If you had an emergency with the kids and needed to get one way or the other you could get a taxi. It'll be OK.

Lochjeda · 14/04/2022 17:45

Maybe it is the actual effort of packing everything up looming over you thags putting you off and the memories you made there but you will make more memories in your own house and you own it. Why stay in a crappy little rental paying someone else's mortgage, pull yourself together and just get on with it.

Mellowyellow222 · 14/04/2022 17:45

@carefullycourageous yes some people live in very cramped conditions - and I am sure that is challenging but they make the best of it.

Four children sharing a bedroom must be difficult - the teen years would be brutal. Homeworks and puberty and friends visiting and sleepovers.

Neglectful was maybe not be best choice of words - but it is clearly in the best interests of the children to move to a larger house