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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that it's not safe to leave sleeping toddler alone outside house in pushchair?

87 replies

Brumrose · 14/04/2022 13:22

My mother and me just had a massive fight.

I have a 20 month old toddler and an 8 week old baby. My mother is staying with me at the moment to help me out after the birth, which I'm massively thankful for.

My mother has been taking my toddler son out for a walk and came back to "charge her phone and drink a coffee". She wanted to leave again afterwards, taking him for another walk, so she left him outside in the pushchair sleeping.

I then said:"Can you please not leave him unattended outside the house?" I was sick the whole night, I have had a vomiting bug for the last few days, was settling my crying baby and was still walking around in my underpants in the house. So I couldn't really go to the front door to stay with my son.

My mother then called me" paranoid" and said I watched too many crime shows. This resulted in us having a massive fight and I told my mother if she takes my toddler out, she has responsibility for him.

In the end, she sat by the open door on a chair and had her coffee there.

I am just wondering, is she right? Am I paranoid?

For the record, we live in Birmingham. It's a nice area where families live, but with any bigger city, it has bad areas just adjacent to ours.

My toddler was strapped in, but I'm worried that an opportunist was going to snatch him.

OP posts:
Hawkins001 · 15/04/2022 07:42

The risk is better minimised where possible

dottiedodah · 15/04/2022 07:46

I would not be happy no .where ever you live .we live sc in a leafy suburb .wouldn't do it .sorry to hear so poorly get well soon
Mum probably doesn't mean any harm .things were different years ago .dh tells story of his ds leaving him outside a shop and getting home before realising she had forgotten him !

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 15/04/2022 07:52

No OP yanbu but you spoke to her about it and she ended up watching him didn't she?
No need to start a public bun fight about it with the hysterical masses screaming " neglect ". Unless you want to be in the daily mail of course.

ReggaetonLente · 15/04/2022 07:54

My husband's relative was snatched from a pram outside a shop as a baby. He'd been left outside while his mum popped in, this was in the 80s. He was missing for about 6 months, was eventually reunited with his parents, he'd been living with a lady who couldn't have her own children and had gone a bit mad. Thank God I suppose, she'd taken great care of him, it could have been worse. Anyway for this reason I'm really paranoid about stuff like this and would say a resounding YANBU.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 15/04/2022 07:58

@bert3400

But why not leave a child outside asleep in thier pram ...please ask yourself this. There are no more child abduction now than 50 years ago, in fact when was the last child taken by a stranger, that you know of ? It's our perception that has changed because of social media. I am guilty of this too, but I really try and fight it ...because the facts don't match to reality.
Yes this.

Is your house on a street or do you have a drive/front garden?

Bettyboop3 · 15/04/2022 08:07

@bert3400

But why not leave a child outside asleep in thier pram ...please ask yourself this. There are no more child abduction now than 50 years ago, in fact when was the last child taken by a stranger, that you know of ? It's our perception that has changed because of social media. I am guilty of this too, but I really try and fight it ...because the facts don't match to reality.
Do you really think it's worth the risk?! I don't care what the odds are, you can't turn the clock back. My DGD sometimes falls asleep in her pram walking home. I would NEVER leave her unattended for a second. I sit on the front step and watch over her while she sleeps. She is far too precious to risk losing.
GeneLovesJezebel · 15/04/2022 08:08

Is there access to the back garden where he can be left safely ?

Oddbobbyboo · 15/04/2022 08:12

It’s a generation thing, very common for your mum to not worry about this. I’m sure she wouldn’t do anything to endanger your family on purpose. This is presently common in Scandinavian countries too. I’m sure not that you’ve said something it won’t happen again. Times change and things are done differently.

Bonjovispjs · 15/04/2022 08:22

I work as a nanny and would be sacked if I did this, and rightly so!

TabithaTittlemouse · 15/04/2022 08:26

Completely depends on where you live, you feel it’s not safe so go with that.

Where I live it would be very different.

SquidwardsBigBlowhole · 15/04/2022 08:37

I don't even leave my empty pushchair outside. I did at my DDs nursery and somebody stole it while I went to pick her up. Bad people exist, why risk it? Or at least not bother to keep watch?

WonderingWanda · 15/04/2022 08:56

I think it depends where you live. When I lived in the city I wouldn't have but where I live now is rural and I live down a very quiet tucked away cul de sac so I think it would be ok here but actually i wouldn't do it with someone else's child in case they were unhappy with it.

IwaswhoIam · 15/04/2022 09:04

YANBU ! I get anxious even leaving my toddler out front to run inside to wee .

Justleaveitblankthen · 15/04/2022 09:05

Absolutely no way are you being unreasonable OP. I live on a fairly decent Estate with large front and back gardens, gated and small fence surrounding the front. I don't even let my dogs stay out there unattended, even though they would bark up the dead if anyone tried to enter Grin

EdgyNeonAnt · 15/04/2022 09:11

I live rurally, feel safe when I'm out and about, and I wouldn't do this. I wouldn't leave my toddler where I couldn't see him, but at 20 months mine was capable of unbuckling himself from his pushchair so if he woke in that situation, could have easily wandered off.

roarfeckingroarr · 15/04/2022 09:15

Back garden fine. Front - nope.

FrancescaContini · 15/04/2022 09:17

It’s a no-brainer for me. Most definitely not, ever. I’m sorry she argued with you - she should absolutely have seen your point of view and apologised.

FrancescaContini · 15/04/2022 09:22

Both my grandmothers used to leave their babies tucked up in prams at the bottom of the garden so they could get on with housework - and admittedly they had none of the labour-saving appliances we use all the time nowadays so housework really was constantly plentiful - but I don’t think anyone does this any more. The thought of not being able to hear my baby crying would bring me out in a cold sweat, and I can’t even contemplate anything worse than this. So you are definitely NOT BU.

Iamkmackered1979 · 15/04/2022 09:27

I was out in my pram in the snow apparently. My mother also left me outside a shop and went to her mothers and was a wee while till she remembered me. She said she felt like there was something missing….hmmm me!! Big silver cross pram was too big for the little shops in our town there would be a row of them outside.

I’ve not left any of my kids unattended outside sleeping just would not cross my mind tbh. Just tell your mother you’d rather she didn’t leave him out the front but bring him in or take him into the back garden if you have one. Doesn’t need to be a drama but he’s your child and with an 8 week old baby upsetting you really isn’t the best thing as you’re also not well
You take care op, am glad your son was ok.

knittingaddict · 15/04/2022 09:31

Well I'm not much younger than your mum and am a grandmother. I wouldn't leave a baby in the front garden, but the back would be fine as long as its secure. I don't see it as generational as such. More about different life experience.

mrziggycoco · 15/04/2022 09:45

Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean you're wrong.

WheekestLink · 15/04/2022 10:51

You're definitely not unreasonable if he was left out on the front.

Out the back, that's fine in my opinion as long as it's a safe garden and you keep your eye out.

Spikeyball · 15/04/2022 12:10

"Unless you want to be in the daily mail of course."

It looks like it has made the local shit rag (B live).

ThatsNotMyMuffin · 15/04/2022 12:18

Depends where you are. I live at the very end of a quiet close, only 6 or so houses and often leave DD sleeping at the front. I would always have a front door open and I usually sit by the window anyway but I will pop in and out quickly. I wouldn't have done it on a busy street.

Blossom97 · 15/04/2022 18:17

The mirror have posted this thread!

www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/mum-furious-gran-leaves-toddler-26719248.amp