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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that it's not safe to leave sleeping toddler alone outside house in pushchair?

87 replies

Brumrose · 14/04/2022 13:22

My mother and me just had a massive fight.

I have a 20 month old toddler and an 8 week old baby. My mother is staying with me at the moment to help me out after the birth, which I'm massively thankful for.

My mother has been taking my toddler son out for a walk and came back to "charge her phone and drink a coffee". She wanted to leave again afterwards, taking him for another walk, so she left him outside in the pushchair sleeping.

I then said:"Can you please not leave him unattended outside the house?" I was sick the whole night, I have had a vomiting bug for the last few days, was settling my crying baby and was still walking around in my underpants in the house. So I couldn't really go to the front door to stay with my son.

My mother then called me" paranoid" and said I watched too many crime shows. This resulted in us having a massive fight and I told my mother if she takes my toddler out, she has responsibility for him.

In the end, she sat by the open door on a chair and had her coffee there.

I am just wondering, is she right? Am I paranoid?

For the record, we live in Birmingham. It's a nice area where families live, but with any bigger city, it has bad areas just adjacent to ours.

My toddler was strapped in, but I'm worried that an opportunist was going to snatch him.

OP posts:
MarshmallowSwede · 14/04/2022 14:02

We leave babies and children to sleep outside all the time. Maybe it’s cultural as I’m Swedish.

I don’t see an issue with it but again, it’s normal for us here.

10HailMarys · 14/04/2022 14:08

Absolutely fine to leave a child sleeping outdoors, but I wouldn't leave them at the front of the house; I'd leave them in the back garden instead. It's massively, massively unlikely that a child would be taken (certainly no more likely than it was 50 or 60 years ago) but if you've got a choice of leaving them out the back or out the front it seems odd to choose the front.

Crystalvas · 14/04/2022 14:08

YRNBU. I would have never left my DC as toddliers unsupervised or ina area its easy for predators to snatch them. Actually iv never left my DC unsupervised ever. I always think of cases where child snatchings and attempted snatchings took place. Makes me feel sick.

LadyCordeliaFitzgerald · 14/04/2022 14:11

I was discussing this with my mil when ds was young. It was common in her day to leave babies on the doorstep for fresh air. What I found interesting was that there had been a number of high profile baby abductions from unattended prams so the risk wasn’t unimagined. But it didn’t seem to impact on her parenting in the way cases like Madeline McCann had affected my generation.

www.irishexaminer.com/news/arid-20247547.html

I am still curious about the difference - is it to do with watching news as opposed to reading it? The hourly updates on sky news at the time (and 24hr SM saturation now) or the default vilification of mothers that wasn’t as pronounced in 1954.

In any case, I still wouldn’t leave a baby or toddler unattended.

Onlyforcake · 14/04/2022 14:13

I'd be more concerned about the toddler wandering off, getting out of the straps than being snatched.

Crystalvas · 14/04/2022 14:33

@10HailMarys

Absolutely fine to leave a child sleeping outdoors, but I wouldn't leave them at the front of the house; I'd leave them in the back garden instead. It's massively, massively unlikely that a child would be taken (certainly no more likely than it was 50 or 60 years ago) but if you've got a choice of leaving them out the back or out the front it seems odd to choose the front.
Are you serious you would leave your child unnattended? ‘’ no more likely than 50-60 years ago’’ are you for real??? Did you not ever hear of child abductions attempted abductions??? Well I have. What do you think happened to poor madeline Mc Cann??
SheWoreYellow · 14/04/2022 14:35

@MarshmallowSwede

We leave babies and children to sleep outside all the time. Maybe it’s cultural as I’m Swedish.

I don’t see an issue with it but again, it’s normal for us here.

At the front of the house though?
oioimatey · 14/04/2022 14:36

I'd be more concerned with dogs not on a leash or a fox than being abducted. I leave my sleeping baby outside, but I leave her by the back door so I can see her while I'm having coffee.

RegardingMary · 14/04/2022 14:37

I've happily left all of mine in gated back gardens while I've cooked or had a coffee close by.

Leaving him on the drive is unacceptable.

Kurtanforpm · 14/04/2022 14:38

No way would I do that.

Staryflight445 · 14/04/2022 14:39

@SatinHeart

I had many many fights with MIL about this. It is indeed a generational thing.

Agree with pp though, in a secure back garden is one thing (though I refused this as well until DC were about 9 months old, which was what caused the arguments with MIL). Not outside the front though!

That’s awful. Whether your MIL agrees with your opinion, it’s your child and your way gos.
Fml1980 · 14/04/2022 14:39

A baby in the back garden fine, A toddler who is almost 2 unsupervised in a front garden and would probably be able to get out the seat on thier own and take them self's of into a road or for a walk unsupervised a definite no from me.

Yika · 14/04/2022 14:40

Absolutely no way, and it seems to me as though she is doing it as a point of principle, given that your sister already objected to her doing this earlier - that would really bother me and would undermine my trust in her.

Babyboomtastic · 14/04/2022 14:42

I've often used the back garden for pram sleeps - my eldest slept out there most days until the neighbours started building work and we got out of the habit. Unless it was raining or snowing. She slept really well.

I'd potter in the house with the door open and heard the instant she woke.

I wouldn't use most front gardens though, unless they were unusually secure, though i would if i needed to pop in and grab a drink/go for a wee etc.

CircusBaby · 14/04/2022 14:47

It's something I've always done, I can see the pushchair from the window and the gate has a lock on it. Also the garden is quite long up to the door. If you're not happy with it then that's fine, it's your child after all, but I know lots of people who do this including myself.

Hospedia · 14/04/2022 14:47

Ultimately its up to you OP because this is your toddler so you get the final say on what level of risk you're prepared to accept.

Personally I would (and have) left my DC sleeping in the pushchair/pram in the front garden but I've parked them under the front window where they can be seen from my seat on the sofa and we're literally two feet part but for the pane of glass. I've also left sleeping DC in the pram/pushchair in the back garden when I've remembered my key for side door (the only way to access the back garden is via the outhouses) while I do housework in the house. That's my DC and my choice though, this is your DC and your choice.

whenwilliwillibefamous · 14/04/2022 14:50

Very unlikely he'd come to harm OP, but it's your baby, what you say goes without question unless you're being totally barking (and "please don't leave toddler sleeping unattended on the drive" is an entirely reasonable request.)

WhiteFire · 14/04/2022 15:00

I occasionally did at my parents, no straightforward access to the back, often would put the buggy on the open porch step or if not just in front. Kept a close eye but happy in that situation to do so. I also knew my children.

riotlady · 14/04/2022 15:17

I’d be more concerned about dogs than abduction tbh but yanbu to not want your child left sleeping on the drive

SleepingStandingUp · 14/04/2022 15:34

At the risk of you asking MM to call SS on me....

I leave mine out the front
Strapped into buggies they cannot escape (I used an extra strap), facing the house my the window so I can hear and see them. We live in a quite kinda-cul-de-sac where there's no through traffic. My pushchair is also outside my house empty a lot so you wouldn't know from walking by if it's empty or not. I don't think kidnappers are driving around estate's looking for kids in buggies.

RowanAlong · 14/04/2022 15:42

Sleeping outside is fine if it’s where you can keep an eye, and they’re safe in an enclosed garden or similar. Back garden would be fine, not out the front if it’s close to the road

Catflapkitkat · 14/04/2022 15:49

Standard here in Sweden. I moved here when kids were 7 but I would walk past a dagis (nursery/preschool) and all the pushchairs would be lined up outside with the babies wrapped up having a nap.

Meatshake · 14/04/2022 16:47

I've done it before.

However we have a very long recessed porch before our front door, about 8ft, plus we are well set back from the street with a 20ft driveway on a quiet cul de sac in a no thru traffic private street. I also kept the front door open so pram is visible from my kitchen plus monitored by a ring doorbell. Plus I had 8 stone of German shepherd lying on the doormat.

If it was a small front garden onto a busy street, pram not visible from indoors then not a fucking chance.

MarshmallowSwede · 15/04/2022 07:29

@SheWoreYellow

Yes front of the house, back off the house. If you’re out you can leave them outside for coffee to sleep outside.

It’s safe and no one is going to steal the baby. At nursery the children nap outside.

I think it’s just culturally normal and I don’t think anything when I see a baby outside. But I guess if a lot of babies were being stolen then it would change.

My baby has naps outside. The fresh air is good for them.

girlmom21 · 15/04/2022 07:39

For those saying the likelihood of abduction is really low, there are regular abduction attempts in shopping centres and similar in and around Birmingham.

OP I can't think of a single place in Birmingham where I'd leave a pushchair outside unattended, let alone one with a sleeping child in it.

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