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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go out / send DS to nursery when potty training?

38 replies

Llamasally · 14/04/2022 10:49

We are on day 4, he’s nearly 3, it’s a bit hit and miss but he’s getting more on the loo/potty than not and making steady progress in the right direction.

Nursery said if he’s having more than 1-2 accidents a day then he’s definitely not ready. He’s having more than this and in on Tuesday next week. Surely people still go out, function, go to nursery etc while the process of learning is happening? Obviously with plenty of spare clothes, something to sit on when out in case of an accident etc?? I don’t understand this thinking but FTM and this is all new to me and very anxiety inducing!

OP posts:
Heythere13 · 14/04/2022 10:50

How many more?!

Tillsforthrills · 14/04/2022 10:51

Have you potty trained him consistently for 2-3 weeks first?

It isn’t their job to potty train, so this us usually done at home consistently, often a holiday period.

Profanisaurasrex · 14/04/2022 10:52

I think if he’s still having regular accidents daily by next Tuesday, day 9??, then he’s probably not ready.

I think a lot of kids stay in pull ups while at nursery if they’re having lots of accidents still.

DatingAWidower22 · 14/04/2022 10:53

I am by no means an expert as only potty trained one child. The first couple of attempts he had lots of accidents. The last attempt he was immediately dry and only had one accident where he didn’t quite make it to the loo in time. In my experience, a pretty easy to get the knack of when they are ready and I had no qualms taking him out for the day whilst training. Just carried a potty in the bout or did a seaside wee wee!
Nursery were great with him too.

When there is an accident, what happens? Is it a lack of getting to the loo on time?

Original poster
Llamasally · 14/04/2022 10:54

Should add, DS is almost 3

OP posts:
Bushkin · 14/04/2022 10:55

Once mine were ready they had very few accidents by around day 3. If he’s still having many more than 1-2 per day by next Tuesday he’s not ready

Cleopatra2022 · 14/04/2022 10:57

I found that if you wait until they are ready that accidents were infrequent.

Sally872 · 14/04/2022 10:57

Stayed in the house, garden for best part of a week. Then accidents were less than every day. You will probably find by Tues he has significantly improved.

Whinge · 14/04/2022 10:57

If he's having multiple accidents a day when in a quiet home setting, probably with a lot of prompting and reminding to use the toilet are you sure he's ready to toilet train?

It will be day 9 when he attends nursery. If you're still expecting him to be having regular accidents then he's not ready.

SecondhandTable · 14/04/2022 10:58

I think nursery are probably right in that a couple of accidents a day is probably doable for them from their perspective but more than that long term would not be. Our nursery has a soft rule that they will work with parents for potty training for a couple of weeks but if after that child is still regularly having 3 accidents a day they will need the child to wear a training pant. Think this is fair enough as they don't have the resources/staff ratios to be changing older toddlers 3+ times a day. Going out elsewhere though is completely your business. We stayed at home for 2 days I think, day 3 we went to a local park a few mins walk away and took the travel potty with us (which she used). Day 4 she was at my DM's with travel potty because she went en route or on the way back iirc even though it's only few mins away. Day 5 nursery. She didn't really have more than 2 or so accidents a day right from day 1 and within a couple of weeks she was having none at all really. She was 26 months, but she was obviously ready for it, otherwise we would have packed it in after a couple of days and tried again another time.

TokyoSushi · 14/04/2022 10:58

By next Tuesday, you'll know if it's working out or not. If he's ready, by then he should be about 90% reliable. I'm sure that you know this already but the trick with mine was to try to keep them empty, don't let them get to the point where an accident will happen. Regular wees is the key to success!

Heythere13 · 14/04/2022 11:01

Op

You don’t clarify how many accidents he’s actually having in a day

TheHoleNineYards · 14/04/2022 11:02

I agree with a PP. When they’re ready, they’re ready and ‘potty training’ takes literally days, few ‘accidents’. If he’s still wetting or soiling himself now, I’d put him back in nappies for a couple of months and try again later - maybe over the late May bank hol so that you’ve got some time off nursery?

Hugasauras · 14/04/2022 11:04

DD had way more than 1-2 accidents at nursery when she first went back, think she had about 5 first day! But they said that was totally normal as nursery is a v different environment to home and they almost need to re-learn it with all the distractions and different set-up.

Ours doesn't ask you to keep kids off for potty training. You send them in with tons of spare clothes and they support what you're doing at home. They didn't specify a number of accidents that was acceptable as the difference between home and nursery is so big.

The first week or two DD had quite a few accidents at nursery but was almost totally dry at home. Then it just clicked and that was that.

Hugasauras · 14/04/2022 11:05

Tuesday is a long way away in potty-training terms though! You'll probably find things are much better at home by then.

Mum2Terrors · 14/04/2022 11:06

My DS was 3 and half when we re attempted potty training. Every attempt prior he wasn't showing interest. Over the summer I put him in pant with his potty near by. Every half hour I ask if he wanted to go. The first couple of days it was accident after accident but by the end of the week he got the hang of it. Then it was very rare he had an accident. I chose to stay at home the week we was potty training as it made it easier. He was in his safe place so he didn't get embarrassed about his accident as I didn't want him to be put off using the potty. When it came to going out, I always put him in a potty training pull up just in case of an accident. Took him to the toilet when we could and rewarded him if he kept the pull up dry.

Every child is different and sometimes they are just not ready. If he is having frequent accidents and not getting the hang of it, he may not be ready just yet.

girlmom21 · 14/04/2022 11:07

Is he having accidents or just going without thinking? They're not the same with potty training.

TulipsGarden · 14/04/2022 11:11

Is this a day nursery or pre-school? If it's a private day nursery for working parents they can hardly take weeks off to potty train.

Ours just ask you to do a few days at home - we did a long weekend - and then send them in with lots of changes of clothes. Mine is about five weeks in now and still not great with wees. They don't mind at all (or at least they say they don't, and have said not to put him back in nappies as he's getting there).

Original poster
Llamasally · 14/04/2022 11:14

Thanks for all the replies. He’s going when prompted and doing well with that, but only a handful of times of his own accord. The accidents are coming to tell me he has done a wee, with wet pants. Yesterday was four times like this. I’m asking or putting him on the potty pretty frequently. Maybe he isn’t really ready then based on these experiences…

OP posts:
Original poster
Llamasally · 14/04/2022 11:15

@TulipsGarden it’s a private day nursery. I’ve taken this week as annual leave to try and PT

OP posts:
Original poster
Llamasally · 14/04/2022 11:16

Will it just confuse him now though, if he’s not ready and we go back to pull ups?

OP posts:
Sally872 · 14/04/2022 11:21

Regular reminders and accidents are fairly normal first few days. If he is improving carry on but success for us was all about going regularly as I reminded then recognising the sign the need to go themselves. Handfuls of times of own accord sounds OK, perhaps more frequent reminders though.

TulipsGarden · 14/04/2022 11:24

@Llamasally

Thanks for all the replies. He’s going when prompted and doing well with that, but only a handful of times of his own accord. The accidents are coming to tell me he has done a wee, with wet pants. Yesterday was four times like this. I’m asking or putting him on the potty pretty frequently. Maybe he isn’t really ready then based on these experiences…
For mine the going by himself took a week. For my best mate with her first, 12 days. With her second, three days. It's so variable but if sounds like he's getting the hang of it.
StepBackPlease · 14/04/2022 11:25

Hi Op, my DD was in pull ups at nursery for around a month before we finally felt she was ready, despite being in pants at home. She was just under 3 by the time she was completely dry in the day and is now 3.5 and only dry at night last week.

It didn't confuse her at all, she was able to understand pull ups were for nursery and knickers were for home, but she could wear her big girl pants for nursery once she was doing all her wees in the toilet.

It's one thing for them to use a potty or toilet when prompted, but the staff at nursery won't have time to be dealing with 4 accidents a day. I would persevere at home and send him into nursery with pull ups for now, and keep reminding/praising him when he tells you he needs to go.

We used smarties as an incentive for a while, and she negotiated a very complicated tariff of different amounts of smarties for poos and wees Grin.

Sounds like he'll get the hang of it soon, but don't let anyone pressurise you by saying 'oh he should be potty trained be now'. They do it when they're ready. I had MIL and DM going on for months about DD still being in pull ups, but when we eventually did go for it she was done in a week.

Whatsmyname100 · 14/04/2022 11:26

4 times a day, then he's definitely not ready. I only started ds at 3.5yo and he was more than ready. He had one accident in 2 weeks. We only did night training after 4 and from the very first night he was trained. You definitely need to wait till he was ready. By 3.5yo I found my ds walking to the toilet at home by himself wanting to try. Nursery is right in this instance I'm afraid.

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