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AIBU?

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Original poster

Easter Egg strop

45 replies

TwinkleTwinkleSeren · 14/04/2022 09:57

Ridiculous and petty argument this morning 🙄DH and I normally get each other an Easter egg so this year he asked if I wanted one, there seemed to be barely anything left in Tesco, just the big expensive ones. I told him not to bother, that I really fancied some pick and mix sweets instead.I told him where the pick and mix was and that I was really craving some lol. I said that I didn’t like the chocolate in the fancy eggs and to buy some sweets. He comes back saying he’s bought a big fancy egg for me. He’s now not speaking to me and calling me ungrateful as I told him it was strange he should go ahead and get something that I told him I really didn’t like or want. First world problems I know but I didn’t want him to waste money that we don’t have on something I don’t like.

OP posts:
Original poster
TwinkleTwinkleSeren · 14/04/2022 09:58

He’s now text saying how upset he is and he just wants to do nice things for me.

OP posts:
gingerscot · 14/04/2022 09:59

Surely the nicest thing he could do for you is listen to you?

MiniatureHotdog · 14/04/2022 10:03

So he didn't listen to you. And is now trying to twist it that you're making him feel bad? Wow, what a great guy Hmm

Nnique · 14/04/2022 10:05

Yeah that’s not how it works. It’s not nice if if’s in direct opposition to what you’ve told him you would like!

He didn’t think he needed to actually listen to you, he thought he knew better than you, so now he gets to be upset.

motherofcatsandbears · 14/04/2022 10:09

He bought the egg for himself, not you.

JellyBunny · 14/04/2022 10:18

Maybe he misunderstood and thought you meant you'll have pick n mix do as not to spend loads on an egg, not that you'd prefer that. Some people like to buy an egg for Easter. You can buy pick n mix any time.

He bought you an egg though so does it really matter.

Furrydogmum · 14/04/2022 10:24

Tell him he can have that egg from you and you get some pick and mix..

Nnique · 14/04/2022 10:26

If he ‘misunderstood’ then he’d have to be really quite thick. Don’t be making excuses for him.

OP: ‘Don’t bother with the expensive egg, I really fancy having some pic’n’mix - Here is where you need to go to find it. I’m really craving pic’n’mix!! I don’t actually like the chocolate in fancy Easter eggs so I’d much rather have some sweets.’

DP: I don’t understand all this gobbledygook; I’ll get her a fancy egg.

Nnique · 14/04/2022 10:27

And yes it does really matter. Why the fuck should he get brownie points for being entirely thoughtless and not actually considering her likes and dislikes??

JellyBunny · 14/04/2022 10:31

If he ‘misunderstood’ then he’d have to be really quite thick. Don’t be making excuses for him.

We weren't there. We don't know how clear OP was even if she thinks she was very clear.

JellyBunny · 14/04/2022 10:33

@Nnique

And yes it does really matter. Why the fuck should he get brownie points for being entirely thoughtless and not actually considering her likes and dislikes??
Are you ok? I think you're projecting somewhat maybe. It really is an Easter egg.

OP - if you're saying he often ignores what you say then maybe that's a slightly different thread.

Nnique · 14/04/2022 10:41

I’m fine thanks; No projection going on. Biscuit for trying the head tilt patronising angle though.

It’s all good and well saying it’s only an Easter egg. True enough, but little things often point to bigger things and a man who doesn’t get how to actually do nice things for his partner isn’t really that great let’s be honest. You might be happy to excuse it and to set the bar for men so very low but I’m not.

I’m quite happy to agree to disagree, frankly - you’re certainly not the only woman to have that approach to relationships.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 14/04/2022 10:59

It's the slippery slope of the thin edge of the egg...

I don't suppose it was stuffed in a chunky mug that had 'Best Mum in the World' printed on it either...

Unsureaboutit9 · 14/04/2022 11:03

he asked if I wanted one, there seemed to be barely anything left in Tesco, just the big expensive ones. I told him not to bother, that I really fancied some pick and mix sweets instead.

Reads like you didn’t want him to waste money on a big expensive one when you are happy with sweets, but he wanted to treat you anyway so got the egg. YAbothU arguing about an egg, you obviously like chocolate eggs or your post wouldn’t have been worded like that.

10HailMarys · 14/04/2022 11:20

I couldn't bring myself to be annoyed by this, to be honest. My guess is that he genuinely thought you were only asking for pick'n'mix to make things easier for him, rather than because you actually preferred it, and that he meant well.

Nnique · 14/04/2022 11:31

Interesting. This says a lot, I feel, about the downsides of British ‘politeness’. I’d be irritated if my husband decided that he was better off interpreting my statement rather than just paying attention to the actual words I’d used and going by those! I’m perfectly capable of making up my own mind about what I want and don’t want, what I like and dislike and what I do or don’t prefer him to do for me. If I tell him, I’d like X please, or, No, I wouldn’t like that, he knows he can trust that I’m telling the truth and he can take my word for it.

Communication styles where one makes up a random excuse for something rather than just being assertive and stating one’s preference don’t actually make much sense, do they. Then everyone has to try to figure out whether it was a hint/not a hint, whether they meant it/didn’t mean it, if they actually want it/don’t want it, and whether or not one should pay attention or go and do exactly the opposite of what was stated.

Cocomarine · 14/04/2022 11:36

Is there any chance you’re one of those people that says don’t spend the money, lies about not being bothered, but really it’s a front about cost and you’d actually love him seeing through that? If you have a history of that, I might see why he didn’t.

Now I’ve finished scraping the barrel.. yeah, that’d piss me off. 30% that he did it, 70% that he got the arse afterwards.

Goldbar · 14/04/2022 11:44

Just say "Thank you for the egg. As I said, I don't like fancy chocolate but I'm sure I can melt it down to make Easter crispy cakes with the kids. Err...and the pick and mix? You know, my favourite. Is that coming on Easter Sunday?"

Nnique · 14/04/2022 11:44

Yes I suppose from that perspective I’ve got to give him the benefit of the doubt 50/50 at least, just in case he’s learnt in the past that it isn’t as straightforward as just listening and taking what’s said at face value.

Bluebellbike · 14/04/2022 12:05

If you haven't yet bought him an egg then you could get some Pick and Mix, which you like, and let him have the fancy egg he bought; and you have the Pick and Mix? That's what I would do.

runsmidgeOMG · 14/04/2022 12:23

Tbf... I recon pick n mix would equate far more expensive than one of the big expensive Easter eggs... you seen the price per kilo ? 🤣

Misses point....

Crimesean · 14/04/2022 12:27

So he thinks that he knows better than you what you'd like? What an arrogant prick! He'd prefer to give you something you don't even like so that he can feel good about a grand gesture? Angry

HELLITHURT · 14/04/2022 12:29

Oh good lord!

Alwayspaintyournails · 14/04/2022 12:36

This is my MIL… she would rather but the fancy showy option than the thing you genuinely want. For years we have said DC’s don’t like lidnt chocolate, for years she has bought them the big bunnies because that’s what her friends buy their grandchildren. For years the DC have given them away. We now buy three extra eggs the DC like and they get those whilst taking the obnoxiously large bunnies to elderly neighbours.

NotTheOW · 14/04/2022 12:41

Did he think you were trying to be money saving maybe?