Is this ‘just kids being kids’?

[Irritatedmum]

DD is in year 3, all the children are 7 or 8.

They’ve all coupled up this year, lots of boyfriends and girlfriends going on. All very innocent and sweet.

But she’s started more recently to mention things, because it sounds like her little boyfriend is very popular. So girls - her friends - have been:
*trying to ‘split them up’
*telling the boy DD doesn’t like him anymore to try to get him to dump her
*one close friend told DD she likes him more so DD should ‘let her go out with him’
*told DD that ‘she doesn’t deserve him’ and that she should dump him so she can go out with him herself.

This isn’t the same girl saying it, it’s 2 or 3 different girls. The ‘doesn’t deserve him’ comment in particular has riled me - if this was a teenager I’d be bloody horrified.

Is this normal at this age?? How on earth do I deal with it? I want DD to be in a position where she has strong friendships, friends who support each other, and to me that all begins now, surely?

I'd like to clarify that I don't think it's appropriate for 7-9 year-olds to watch Love Island!

But when a child has a 15-year-old sister, it is possible that it's on in the living room and the child would see it. There are also some parents who don't care what their children watch. We had a reception-aged child who was obsessed with Deadpool and frequently quoted it.

I'm suggesting that she asks the school to intervene to discourage all of the boyfriend/girlfriend nonsense altogether

I agree. But it’s hard if the parents don’t back the teachers as OP clearly thought it was sweet and inicent.

@Irritatedmum

DD is in year 3, all the children are 7 or 8.

They’ve all coupled up this year, lots of boyfriends and girlfriends going on. All very innocent and sweet.

But she’s started more recently to mention things, because it sounds like her little boyfriend is very popular. So girls - her friends - have been:
*trying to ‘split them up’
*telling the boy DD doesn’t like him anymore to try to get him to dump her
*one close friend told DD she likes him more so DD should ‘let her go out with him’
*told DD that ‘she doesn’t deserve him’ and that she should dump him so she can go out with him herself.

This isn’t the same girl saying it, it’s 2 or 3 different girls. The ‘doesn’t deserve him’ comment in particular has riled me - if this was a teenager I’d be bloody horrified.

Is this normal at this age?? How on earth do I deal with it? I want DD to be in a position where she has strong friendships, friends who support each other, and to me that all begins now, surely?

I would say it's entirely normal, my eldest fell out with her friend because they chose the same color. They've been friends since nursery so nearly a decade. This unspoken passive feud has been going on for over 12 months.

Kids fall out, we're just about to let her have a phone, I've warned her of the dangers of nattering and bullying via phones.
We had explicit bullying of my stepdaughter who's mid 20's now, but teenagers were physically abusing her, even calling the house.

All because she was pretty and a girl's boyfriend fancied her.
It's all nonsense but these things can spiral between the different groups.

When I was at primary it really depended on whether the teacher allowed boyfriend/girlfriend talk to go on as to how much of it there seemed to be. In Year 3 we had quite an old fashioned teacher who would not have tolerated anyone talking about having a boy/girlfriend. But in Year 4 I have a strong memory of the teacher letting us play ‘Postman’s Knock’ during an end of term party and locking ‘couples’ in the staff room! I even had a boyfriend that year and that didn’t happen again until I was 17! There was never any ‘you’re not good enough for him/her’ when I was at primary. Most people seemed happy for anyone in a ‘couple.’ There was a bit of nastiness if it was found out someone considered unpopular fancied someone more popular but more ‘x would never go out with y’ behind y’s back rather than directly to their face. I do remember the boy my friend liked when we were 10 ripping up the Valentine’s card she gave him which was very horrid of him but I’d never understood what she’d seen in him anyway!

@Irritatedmum

I don’t mind the boyfriend talk at all, and the little weddings I thought were very cute! But now it’s causing trouble between the girls it’s started to worry me

Unfortunately - it is this sort of thing that makes kids confused because they don’t have any idea where the line of “cuteness” ends and something else begins. It’s not their fault. If they see carers and adults around them finding their mini-adulting cute then they carry on with it. Then suddenly one day when the slippery slope acts exactly like a slope - something goes wrong and suddenly it’s not all cute any more.

This is why - the line needs to be fairly firm. “Weddings and boyfriends aren’t things for kids to be thinking about. You’re too young for all this sweetheart.” And then rinse and repeat.

Adults thinking they have this “line” in their heads - ie - till an arbitrary point it’s “sweet and innocent” and say boyfriends are sweet at 7, and mock weddings lovely. And then once line crossed - it’s suddenly not right.

How is a little kids to understand these arbitrary lines though? How do they know why - some sorts of weddings and having boyfriends is ok and other sorts aren’t?

Adults and parents need to be clear themselves - encourage strong healthy friendships across all sexes - but nope - mock romances and mock and playful relationships at age 7 are not okay.

I have taught this age group several times. Very occasionally one will tell me someone else in the class is their boyfriend/girlfriend. I rarely notice these two kids playing together or even talking. They are very young for all this IME.

It's pretty common op. I remember this sort of behaviour when I was that age and I'm 52!

I’m about the same age as you and we did not behave like this at all, not even in secondary school!