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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

LGBTQIA+ Meetings for young people, aged 14 to 25

64 replies

HereForTheGloss · 13/04/2022 19:32

A local Community Interest Company is advertising a weekly LGBTQIA+ meeting for young people aged 14 to 25.

I am responsible for a young person that has expressed an interest in attending but I have a concern about the age range and am not that happy about a 'young for their age' 14 year old, or any 14 year old actually, mixing with 25 year olds when the focus of these sessions (I assume) is on sexuality and gender identity. The only information I can find about the sessions online is that sessions act as a gateway for members to meet others from the same community, they also teach attendees the importance of LGBTQ+ history.

This is all new to us and the age range feels off to me. I'd be more comfortable if the meeting was for age 13 to 16 year olds for example.

I emailed the organisation to ask about the format and content of the meetings and the supervision and safeguarding procedures in place. I basically want to know who has eyes and ears on these children during the meetings to make sure they're not being groomed by the adult attendees at the meetings.

I got a response which did not answer any of my questions. The response was that they're "a professional organisation with all policies and procedures in place. I understand your concerns around 14 year olds mixing with 25 year olds but as a qualified teacher I risk assessed and made a decision based on the need for the group after receiving calls from parents who wanted their 14 year olds to be able to attend. As a mum and nan I treat the people in our care with the same respect that I treat my own. The group is always facilitated by one volunteer with lived experience and a qualified professional".

I can't find any policies, procedures or risk assessment info on the website. The CIC has been set up by 2 people and they and several of the volunteers have a bio on the website in which they detail their own mental health issues, how they were victims of child abuse, alcoholism, gender questioning from a young age, etc, but nothing about any relevant qualifications they have, or courses or training they've undertaken, or DBS checks.

Would they be required to have all this stuff in place and should they show me a copy of their risk assessments and policies if I ask to see them? Do I have the right to ask if everyone working there is DBS checked and ask for proof?

Tell me honestly am I just being ridiculously over protective? As I said if I knew it was a group of 13 to 16 year olds I'd feel much more comfortable as I'd see them more as peers, I'm not comfortable with a 14 year old hanging out and chatting about sexuality and sex with 25 year olds.

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 13/04/2022 19:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

AchillesPoirot · 13/04/2022 19:35

I would be reporting that teacher to the GTC or wherever I could find for being involved in such an inappropriate enterprise.

Ahgoonyegirlye · 13/04/2022 19:36

Sounds like the age has been lowered for particular children. If you have concerns then you should go along to the first one to see what’s what.

Ahgoonyegirlye · 13/04/2022 19:38

They should have one for 13/14 to 17!year olds then one for 17/18 - 25 really.
I’ve been to stuff for young LGBT + people but not one that mixed under 16s with adults.
I would imagine their needs and interests would be quite different

tabbycatstripy · 13/04/2022 19:38

It’s not appropriate at all. You have the right to be assured that DBS checks have been done and there is a person responsible for safeguarding, and there should probably be a safeguarding policy, but after that I don’t believe there’s any law they’re breaking. I wouldn’t let my child go there without me.

But yes, you should ask about DBS checks. There may be a way to find out from the DBS service whether they are telling the truth.

Original poster
HereForTheGloss · 13/04/2022 19:40

@Ahgoonyegirlye

Sounds like the age has been lowered for particular children. If you have concerns then you should go along to the first one to see what’s what.
I totally get that young teens might want to attend a group of this nature, but wouldn’t you agree that it’s better to separate the age groups out and have separate sessions, rather than have 14 year old children mixing with 25 year old adults?
OP posts:
BetsyBigNose · 13/04/2022 19:57

My 14 year old DD is gay, and attends an LGBTQI+ Youth Group, which is for 13-18 year olds. She has found it incredibly helpful and has formed some of her closest friendships with people from this group. If the group was open to people up to the age of 25, I would be really unhappy about her going - I completely agree with you OP, 14 is too young to be socialising in this type of situation with 25 year olds.

ArcheryAnnie · 13/04/2022 20:01

@Ahgoonyegirlye

They should have one for 13/14 to 17!year olds then one for 17/18 - 25 really. I’ve been to stuff for young LGBT + people but not one that mixed under 16s with adults. I would imagine their needs and interests would be quite different
This. ^

I know a lot about LGB history (and lived a fair bit of it) and think this event is entirely inappropriate.

SpeedofaSloth · 13/04/2022 20:06

YANBU.

BiscuitLover3678 · 13/04/2022 20:07

Completely besides the point I know, but what does the I stand for?

TheGrinchsDog · 13/04/2022 20:14

YANBU I think having a bunch of adults and teens (young teens at that!) under the same umbrella is asking for trouble. It runs the risk of attracting pervs who want access to malleable teens IMO. It's not an if it happens scenario, it going to be a when it happens scenario.

How are the people running it going to safeguard the legal minors?

There's lots of reasons people run groups for teens separately from adults.

ArcheryAnnie · 13/04/2022 20:15

@BiscuitLover3678

Completely besides the point I know, but what does the I stand for?
The "I" is usually said to stand for intersex- which really annoys a lot of intersex individuals and organisations, who think, perfectly reasonably that developmental sex differences are a completely different thing to sexuality and to gender identity issues, and they don't want to be lumped it with them, or have their experiences appropriated.

(Of course many LGB people are also annoyed at having their experiences lumped in with gender identity issues. And no organisation should be using "Q", which stands for "queer" and is a homophobic slur.)

MangyInseam · 13/04/2022 20:17

@BiscuitLover3678

Completely besides the point I know, but what does the I stand for?
Intersex. Though intersex people do not consider themselves to be lgbtqi etc etc. and have repeated asked not to be included.
TheGrinchsDog · 13/04/2022 20:17

@AchillesPoirot

I would be reporting that teacher to the GTC or wherever I could find for being involved in such an inappropriate enterprise.
OMG I stopped reading before the revelation it was a teacher who is involved and I was already thinking 'actually I think this needs reporting to someone' - fucking hell! Shock
BiscuitLover3678 · 13/04/2022 20:21

@MangyInseam I have never seen them included before. What a shame they were! I agree it seems unrelated.

SolasAnla · 13/04/2022 20:21

Why would a 24 year old want to attend a social gathering with a 14 year old? What life experience do they share? What's the basis of any friendship?

Fine, if the 24 year old was mentoring or it was an activity like sport, hiking or learning a language etc.

But the 24 year old is a fully grown adult worried about a career path, earning to pay rent etc.

The 14 year old is still figuring out how to negotiate with their parents over their mid-week curfew.

There is too much of a power imbalance in any friendships.

Barbie222 · 13/04/2022 20:25

Very worrying from a safeguarding pov. Under 18 and over 18 meets should definitely be facilitated separately, unless every over 18 who goes along is crb checked, or every under 18 has a parent or carer. How can that work?

nosyupnorth · 13/04/2022 20:27

Your replies are going to be a load of homophobic drivel by people who clearly think gay = groomer and I suspect you will cheer to have the biases that are obvious in your OP confirmed but YABU.

If it's a local group the community might not be big enough to run seperate age group meetings, especially not if it's a newish group. Their response to your concerns might be unpolished but that doesn't mean it's nefarious. If you're that worried inquire about going along for support at least for the first meeting to get a sense of the group.

Do you ban you child from mixing with heterosexual adults? Almost certainly no. So it is pure homophobia that you think talking to LGBTQ adults would be inherently inappropriate. I would bet that the adults in that group have no interest in discussion sexual or adult details with a 14 year old any more than you want your 14 year old in that discussion, honestly there is higher risk from having group comprised solely of teens in which older teens may not recognise what is age appropriate for the whole group.

AchillesPoirot · 13/04/2022 20:30

I wouldn’t be happy with a 14 year old in a support group of any kind with adults.

Porcupineintherough · 13/04/2022 20:34

If sex is the issue then the group should run from ages 16-25. Which is fine except then there is the possibility that there arent enough children to run an under 16s group.

vinoandbrie · 13/04/2022 20:36

This absolutely screams red flags. Vulnerable children in the younger age range would be at risk in terms of safeguarding. It’s not the Proud Trust is it?

Margotshypotheticaldog · 13/04/2022 20:38

I would bet that the adults in that group have no interest in discussion sexual or adult details with a 14 year old
Would you? would you bet your child on that?

Margotshypotheticaldog · 13/04/2022 20:39

@nosyupnorth do you have kids?

Original poster
HereForTheGloss · 13/04/2022 20:48

@nosyupnorth I have facilitated young people in my care to attend various groups - bereavement support, mental health support, support for carers groups, a variety of extra curricular sporting, dance and social activity groups - I've never known any group I've had involvement in thus far to have such a wide age range mixing together, and I'm guessing there's reason for that.

@vinoandbrie its not the Proud Trust, it's a local independent Community Interest Company.

I'm sure their intentions are only well meaning. I can't see from looking online that they are bound by any rules or regulations so maybe technically/officially they're doing nothing wrong, but I don't have a great feeling about their awareness of possible risks, especially after their email reply.

OP posts:
TheGrinchsDog · 13/04/2022 20:49

@nosyupnorth

Your replies are going to be a load of homophobic drivel by people who clearly think gay = groomer and I suspect you will cheer to have the biases that are obvious in your OP confirmed but YABU.

If it's a local group the community might not be big enough to run seperate age group meetings, especially not if it's a newish group. Their response to your concerns might be unpolished but that doesn't mean it's nefarious. If you're that worried inquire about going along for support at least for the first meeting to get a sense of the group.

Do you ban you child from mixing with heterosexual adults? Almost certainly no. So it is pure homophobia that you think talking to LGBTQ adults would be inherently inappropriate. I would bet that the adults in that group have no interest in discussion sexual or adult details with a 14 year old any more than you want your 14 year old in that discussion, honestly there is higher risk from having group comprised solely of teens in which older teens may not recognise what is age appropriate for the whole group.

Um no, DFOD I'm Bi and I'm sure there are other posters who aren't heterosexual going to agree with me.

No I wouldn't want a 14yo in a group of heterosexual people where the reason for the group was their shared sexuality!

There are reasons - good, valid, not homophobic at all thank you very fucking much! - why you separate groups by age. When it's to do with sex and sexuality the same rule applies.

Gay does not = pervert.

However lax safeguarding where children and young teens (and adult women - sorry!) are concerned does = pervs trying to get access to their chosen prey. Same goes, as we all know, for positions of power etc etc.