LGBTQIA+ Meetings for young people, aged 14 to 25

[HereForTheGloss]

A local Community Interest Company is advertising a weekly LGBTQIA+ meeting for young people aged 14 to 25.

I am responsible for a young person that has expressed an interest in attending but I have a concern about the age range and am not that happy about a 'young for their age' 14 year old, or any 14 year old actually, mixing with 25 year olds when the focus of these sessions (I assume) is on sexuality and gender identity. The only information I can find about the sessions online is that sessions act as a gateway for members to meet others from the same community, they also teach attendees the importance of LGBTQ+ history.

This is all new to us and the age range feels off to me. I'd be more comfortable if the meeting was for age 13 to 16 year olds for example.

I emailed the organisation to ask about the format and content of the meetings and the supervision and safeguarding procedures in place. I basically want to know who has eyes and ears on these children during the meetings to make sure they're not being groomed by the adult attendees at the meetings.

I got a response which did not answer any of my questions. The response was that they're "a professional organisation with all policies and procedures in place. I understand your concerns around 14 year olds mixing with 25 year olds but as a qualified teacher I risk assessed and made a decision based on the need for the group after receiving calls from parents who wanted their 14 year olds to be able to attend. As a mum and nan I treat the people in our care with the same respect that I treat my own. The group is always facilitated by one volunteer with lived experience and a qualified professional".

I can't find any policies, procedures or risk assessment info on the website. The CIC has been set up by 2 people and they and several of the volunteers have a bio on the website in which they detail their own mental health issues, how they were victims of child abuse, alcoholism, gender questioning from a young age, etc, but nothing about any relevant qualifications they have, or courses or training they've undertaken, or DBS checks.

Would they be required to have all this stuff in place and should they show me a copy of their risk assessments and policies if I ask to see them? Do I have the right to ask if everyone working there is DBS checked and ask for proof?

Tell me honestly am I just being ridiculously over protective? As I said if I knew it was a group of 13 to 16 year olds I'd feel much more comfortable as I'd see them more as peers, I'm not comfortable with a 14 year old hanging out and chatting about sexuality and sex with 25 year olds.

It was incredibly beneficial to me as a young gay teenager to meet and talk to older people from within the community who were able to provide mentorship, a sense of belonging and reassurance that the things that I wanted out of life (e.g. a long term committed relationship, children) were possible for me.

I actually think the group is more likely to be appropriate as a forum for the young person understanding more about their sexuality with a wider age range. In my experience, groups with a narrower age range e.g. 13-16 just turned into a match making event.

I completely understand why you need to exercise caution in safeguarding the welcome of the young person in your care, but thought it was worth sharing the value that I personally found in connecting with other, older gay women.

Sorry posted too soon! That last paragraph should have read:

I completely understand why you need to exercise caution in safeguarding the welcome of the young person in your care, but thought it was worth sharing the value that I personally found in connecting with other, older gay women so I would encourage you to think about how you might be able to facilitate this.

Good update OP. Adults can't just have access to minors. There are no special reasons or groups.

@nosyupnorth

Your replies are going to be a load of homophobic drivel by people who clearly think gay = groomer and I suspect you will cheer to have the biases that are obvious in your OP confirmed but YABU.

If it's a local group the community might not be big enough to run seperate age group meetings, especially not if it's a newish group. Their response to your concerns might be unpolished but that doesn't mean it's nefarious. If you're that worried inquire about going along for support at least for the first meeting to get a sense of the group.

Do you ban you child from mixing with heterosexual adults? Almost certainly no. So it is pure homophobia that you think talking to LGBTQ adults would be inherently inappropriate. I would bet that the adults in that group have no interest in discussion sexual or adult details with a 14 year old any more than you want your 14 year old in that discussion, honestly there is higher risk from having group comprised solely of teens in which older teens may not recognise what is age appropriate for the whole group.

Bollocks. I'm bisexual and this is wildly inappropriate.

I wouldn’t let my child go to that, no. There should be a child’s group and a separate adult group. Straight or gay, it isn’t appropriate for children to be chatting about sex with adults unless for the purposes of sex education in a very strict safeguarding situation eg tracher at school.

I think this group sounds kinda creepy.

Find a different support group there are loads.

Mr and my 14-16yo group used to hang around with a 25 year old. He was a nonse and had a relationship with a girl 10 years younger than him. when they broke up he asked me to be his girlfriend and I was so I said yes, thankfully as soon as I left I never saw him again.

I also met with one of his friends I would like at 16
... he was 40s! both would have jumped at this group....

nosy might want to ask themselves why it is OK for LGB teens to have a lower standard of safeguarding that those who don’t identify as such.

Singling out the gay kids for a blatantly poorer standard of service that the straight kids. Smells like discrimination to me. Accidental, and well meaning perhaps. But still.

Gay people aren’t any more likely to have nefarious intent than anyone else. But they aren’t arent less likely either. Youth groups draw the dodgy types in like moths to a flame. And anyone can say they are LBGTQIA++. It isn’t like there’s an entrance exam.

LGBTQ+ groups for young people are really important but as someone that works with young people I'd be splitting that group into:.

~ 14-15
~ 16-19
~ 20-25

Large mixes can be useful in small doses but ultimately it's a huge safeguarding concern and I say that for any youth group.

Just because someone is a teacher doesn't automatically make them a safeguarding guru.

With pgce's and other teaching courses you'd be lucky to get even a day of safeguarding.

We then get yearly training, but it understandably focuses on the big stuff, so you'd be unlikely to dig down into things like clubs.

Most teachers however, get our safeguarding knowledge from more experienced teachers and staff, which we in turn use and identify. A good teacher never assumes they 'know' safeguarding because the very nature of it is a many headed hydra. New technology and the determination of predators to access children means you never become 'the guru'.

So I'd advise this teacher to listen to safeguarding concerns that are brought to you instead of brushing them off. You need to be constantly checking your practice.

I'd also advise them to be especially careful with out of school clubs as if (when) something happens you will be fully responsible and have no team or union to back you up.

Children are too important to 'learn from mistakes'. Quit being arrogant and listen.

@nosyupnorth

Your replies are going to be a load of homophobic drivel by people who clearly think gay = groomer and I suspect you will cheer to have the biases that are obvious in your OP confirmed but YABU.

If it's a local group the community might not be big enough to run seperate age group meetings, especially not if it's a newish group. Their response to your concerns might be unpolished but that doesn't mean it's nefarious. If you're that worried inquire about going along for support at least for the first meeting to get a sense of the group.

Do you ban you child from mixing with heterosexual adults? Almost certainly no. So it is pure homophobia that you think talking to LGBTQ adults would be inherently inappropriate. I would bet that the adults in that group have no interest in discussion sexual or adult details with a 14 year old any more than you want your 14 year old in that discussion, honestly there is higher risk from having group comprised solely of teens in which older teens may not recognise what is age appropriate for the whole group.

Absolute nonsense.

I got a response which did not answer any of my questions
I can't find any policies, procedures or risk assessment info on the website

Both potential huge red flags, I'm afraid, and FWIW similar has happened to me within a community activity I run

At the very least you need full proof of:
Actual training and qualifications
Professional registration and with which governing body
DBS checks
How the course was developed and in consultation with whom
Policies, including guidelines and risk assessments

Just for asking you'll almost certainly be deemed a bigot and worse, but for anyone with sense the list above would be a minimum

Excellent post, IsabelaMadrigal, though I'd add that just because someone says they're "a teacher" doesn't necessarily mean they are one in the usually understood sense
The group I mentioned tried that with me too, and when pushed the answer was "Well, I deliver courses so I am a sort of teacher, ha ha"

They got told that their activity wouldn't be happening, and the abuse was something to behold, though luckily I'm old and ugly enough for it to have gone straight over my head

@BiscuitLover3678

You say No. It's Asexual! With an exclamation point. But Aro's are included in the LGBTQIA+ sphere and recognized as a sexual identity. They even have a flag for Pride. It's not entirely clear to me or anyone else that adult male Aro's are not included in this proposed group.

It's a legitimate concern, not because the straights are bigoted or liars but because we look at what information is put out and take the time to actually pay attention to what we have been told.

And what I am being told is that adult males who engage in physical sex but without experiencing romantic feelings are a legitimate subset of the LGBTQIA+ community and should neither be erased nor disparaged.

So what value is there in having a 25 year old Aro man met up with a 14 who is exploring their sexual identity?

Lesbian here

No, completely inappropriate. 14-year-old children should not be in a group with 25-year-old adults. Posters who disagree, go and look for another social group with this age range, I bet you won’t find one, and if you do I’ll bet you under 16s have to be accompanied by an adult.

They should be showing you their safeguarding policies, the fact that they haven’t suggests that they don’t have any. I would suggest reporting, but I suspect because it’s LGBTQI whatever, nobody will care.

All this groomy shit is being done in our name. Not in my name.