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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tp think my mother was out of order

27 replies

User3billion · 13/04/2022 10:46

DM looked after DD1 (11) yesterday as i had to take DD2 to an appointment & DS is old enough to stay home.

It was an all day thing so we'd arranged that DD1 would spend some of the day at her friend's house who lives close to DM's house.

On my return DM is seemingly a bit "off" with DD1 and tells me she's annoyed that DD1 didn't return home when they'd text to say her cousin had arrived there after school.

When we left DD1 told me that she'd not received the texts, and that she'd asked them to use WhatsApp prior to going to her friend's as texts on her phone were being hit and miss.

She also said that DM/GM had told her she was selfish and inconsiderate and that she'd made her aunt and cousin cry.

AIBU to think that DD1 hadn't actually done anything wrong and that DM was out of order trying to guilt trip a child?

OP posts:
IDontHaveAnOutingHobby · 13/04/2022 10:47

What country to do you live in?

girlmom21 · 13/04/2022 10:48

Your 'D'M sounds awful. Who on earth is that nasty to an 11 year old and if she was that bothered why didn't she phone DD?

Anoisagusaris · 13/04/2022 10:48

An adult apparently cried because a child didn’t come to see them!?

Aimee1987 · 13/04/2022 10:49

Yeah your mum was out of order.

I guess this is a sign that in future granny isnt the greatest option for childcare, many at day at friends house would have worked better

ZenKaleidoscope · 13/04/2022 10:50

I'm starting to conclude that that generation don't know how to directly talk about things but think it's fine to guilt trip people instead.

I think you need to have an open discussion with your mum without your daughter there to voice your thoughts.

ZenKaleidoscope · 13/04/2022 10:50

Many of that generation, not all obviously

AryaStarkWolf · 13/04/2022 10:52

Yes totally out of order, why didn't she ring your DD when she didn't get a reply?

SniffMyQuiffyHair · 13/04/2022 10:54

I think you're right @Zenkaleidoscope

FTEngineerM · 13/04/2022 10:55

A grown ass woman is crying because an 11 year old didn’t come say hi?

Just adding that to the list of things that didn’t happen.

10HailMarys · 13/04/2022 10:58

Yes, she's being ridiculous. 'You made your aunt and cousin cry'? REALLY?

She was totally out of order, and if she didn't get a reply to the texts she could have phoned. At the very least, when DD explained that she hadn't received the texts, your DM should have done what any normal adult would do and say 'Ah, OK - never mind, you're here now so no harm done. What do you fancy for tea?'

RightOnTheEdge · 13/04/2022 10:59

she'd made her aunt and cousin cry.
Ffs! That's absolutely ridiculous! And calling her selfish and inconsiderate is horrible. Your poor dd must have felt awful!

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 13/04/2022 11:05

Was DM worried about DD? If she was expecting her a particular time and DD didn't come then your DM is not unreasonable.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 13/04/2022 11:06

I'm starting to conclude that that generation don't know how to directly talk about things but think it's fine to guilt trip people instead.

And what do you call your generations views of do childcare when and how I order or you can fuck off needing any help at all when you get older?

girlmom21 · 13/04/2022 11:10

@sweeneytoddsrazor

I'm starting to conclude that that generation don't know how to directly talk about things but think it's fine to guilt trip people instead.

And what do you call your generations views of do childcare when and how I order or you can fuck off needing any help at all when you get older?

I don't think that poster was attacking you personally...
ForeverLooking · 13/04/2022 11:13

YANBU.
I'd be rethinking DD going there in the future. It's kind for her to offer childcare but the response to such a minor mistake is ridiculous. Crying adults, being called selfish and inconsiderate? Talk about over the top. She's 11 and at a friend's house, not down the park taking crack.

Lou98 · 13/04/2022 11:15

YANBU, if DD had let her know before leaving that she wasn't receiving texts then your DM should have had a different plan to contact her when it was time to come back (which it sounds like they did with WhatsApp). Why didn't your Mum phone her?

Even if she'd purposely ignored the text - it still wouldn't be okay to tell her she made her aunt and cousin cry - presumably her aunt is an adult, crying because your DD never went to see her is ridiculous.

Although just put it curiosity - why was the cousin at school but your DD wasn't?

I'm in Scotland and our schools are currently on Easter hols but if the cousin isn't does that mean you don't live close? Maybe she was upset she didn't see more of her if they don't see eachother that often - still doesn't make it right what she did though and a sure way to make sure your DD doesn't want to go back to visit!

5128gap · 13/04/2022 11:16

@ZenKaleidoscope

I'm starting to conclude that that generation don't know how to directly talk about things but think it's fine to guilt trip people instead.

I think you need to have an open discussion with your mum without your daughter there to voice your thoughts.

And what generation is that then? GMs range in age from 40s to 80+, spanning generations. Or are you simply referring to women older than yourself? It should be possible to agree that the GM here is unreasonable without extrapolating from that to make silly ageist comments.
ForeverLooking · 13/04/2022 11:17

I'm assuming DD was required as entertainment for the cousin?

MajorCarolDanvers · 13/04/2022 11:24

@ZenKaleidoscope

Many of that generation, not all obviously
One rude person and you blame a whole generation. 🙈
Original poster
User3billion · 13/04/2022 11:30

"What country to do you live in?"

Is that relevant??

"I guess this is a sign that in future granny isnt the greatest option for childcare, many at day at friends house would have worked better"

Yes, I said the same to DH.

"Was DM worried about DD? If she was expecting her a particular time and DD didn't come then your DM is not unreasonable."

I wouldn't have thought so tbh, it's close enough to walk to in under 5 minutes if she was.

OP posts:
Funkyslippers · 13/04/2022 11:31

Weird behaviour from the aunt (if she did in fact cry!). They could have tapped on the door of DDs friend if they really wanted to see her?

HollysBush · 13/04/2022 11:31

Yep, out of order. Did your mother speak to you like that when you were a child?

Original poster
User3billion · 13/04/2022 11:34

@Lou98 different areas but close enough that they see each other often. DN's school sets its own holidays.

OP posts:
OhPullThemUpBrenda · 13/04/2022 16:46

Bloody hell @ZenKaleidoscope was not having a pop
Give them a break

5128gap · 13/04/2022 16:59

@OhPullThemUpBrenda

Bloody hell *@ZenKaleidoscope* was not having a pop Give them a break
Right. So substitute the word 'women' or 'mothers today' for 'that generation' and see how that plays out.