Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I wrong or is he?

32 replies

rbarlowx · 12/04/2022 20:54

So.. I did the "meet the family" at a family party at the weekend. I've been with him for over 5 years, and we've been through a lot. I met his wider family including sister in law (only second time) I had too much to drink... Shock. I opened up to SIL telling her I was terrified to meet her because I assumed she had contact with his ex wife (he'd assumed she took out discount contracts for his kids not very long ago) he knew they werent friends but assumed she had because she had his ex wife on a discount contract before... Long story short.. I was horrified and can't quite remember the whole chat. Begged him to message and apologise to her.. he did two days later........ She responded. I said forward it as kids were around, he didn't. I then asked him and he said "I'll forward it but it was something like this...." An argument happened later because he wouldn't show me them and he "read" out her message and his response. I didn't believe it due to actions.. so I did the wrong think and I checked the messages.. she'd told him it was fine but asked why I have the impression they're in touch (umm because he assumed it?!) He responded to her "no idea where that came from" he clearly didn't read the message out to me right and is now FUMING I checked his phone.
I admitted it straight away, first time ever. And he did lie. He also made me look so stupid to his SIL and now I just don't know where this leaves us but he's adamant he's done nothing wrong and that I'm disgusting for looking at his phone
Yes I was wrong I admit that and I told him so and I really did blame myself for that.
It's not the first time he's lied and I just don't know where it leaves us.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 12/04/2022 21:04

‘You’ve been through a lot’

What does that mean?

Bereavements?
Cheating?

He sounds like he likes to create drama

pumpkinpie01 · 12/04/2022 21:10

It's a bit confusing to read as an outsider . But very weird that he would lie about that , for what purpose , seems very odd. I don't understand the contract thing ?

HaggisBurger · 12/04/2022 21:11

Discount contracts? Sorry there is so much in your OP I can’t follow.

Hunderland · 12/04/2022 21:15

You got drunk, said something stupid, asked him to explain and he didn't say it as you wanted him to?

Next time stay sober and own your conversations.

user1471457751 · 12/04/2022 21:16

Surely you are the one who made yourself look like an idiot by firstly getting drunk and then blathering on about the SIL's relationship with the ex wife.

He probably said that to his SIL because he was embarrassed. If he told you in confidence his view of the ex-wife/SIL relationship and you went gossiping straight to the SIL he's also probably pissed off with you. He should be able to talk to you without you then shit stirring.

billy1966 · 12/04/2022 21:17

You have been through a lot and he is a liar?

I think your bar is really low.

ShirleyPhallus · 12/04/2022 21:17

Sorry but I think you’re in the wrong here, you got drunk at a family meeting party, said the wrong thing then your partner tried to soften the blow by what was said about you, and then you checked his phone…

If the roles were reversed here there would be a lot of strong words said!

Choice4567 · 12/04/2022 21:20

Not entirely sure what this is about

VodselForDinner · 12/04/2022 21:21

I don’t follow the first half of your post. What does “discount contract” mean and what bearing had it on your SIL and your boyfriend’s ex?

Why are you only meeting his family after five years?

ButtockUp · 12/04/2022 21:23

Your post isn't very clear.

Moving forward, don't get drunk at a family do , to the extent that you need to trawl through your partner's phone.
It's embarrassing and you've put your boyfriend in an embarrassing position.
You now look untrustworthy.

DrWhoNowww · 12/04/2022 21:23

You haven’t met his family in the last 5 years?

And you got drunk the first time you met them and discussed a private conversation between you and your DP with his SIL?

Yeah. YABU

Cocomarine · 12/04/2022 21:30

Poor SIL.
Someone old enough to know better making a drunken show. Why the hell would it matter if she was actually besties with her exSIL?
Must have been so awkward for her you telling her you were terrified to meet her!

  • wrong that you’ve got drunk
  • wrong that you cared either way that she was friends with his ex
  • wrong that you dumped your nonsense about being terrified on her

However, I can’t get worked up about you checking his phone - cos it sounds like he’s a serial liar.

  • wrong that you haven’t dumped him already for that

You really need to word out why you got drunk. And ditch him.

HollowTalk · 12/04/2022 21:33

You were drunk. He was lying. Stop drinking yourself and stop the relationship with him.

NeverChange · 12/04/2022 21:39

Are you still drink now because that post is really hard to follow?

steff13 · 12/04/2022 22:01

I don't know what a discount contract is, and I don't know why you were terrified that the SIL had contact with the ex wife; people have their own relationships. Regardless, getting drunk at a party where it's one of the first times you met his family, having an embarrassing conversation with SIL, and then checking his phone make you unreasonable.

FairyCakeWings · 12/04/2022 22:06

You created a huge amount of unnecessary drama.

VerifiedBot2351 · 12/04/2022 22:10

That’s hard to follow.

PollyPutTheKettleOnKettleOn · 12/04/2022 22:53

Chill, op. You're massively overthrowing this.
It'll only become a Thing if you make it one, I bet she would never have thought twice about it.

Just stop talking about it and let it be forgotten.

Secondly, and I might get flamed for this, I don't think your DH has been that bad in this. I'd say it's more of a white lie and wouldn't worry about it. Your reaction though suggests either that honesty from him is big issue where you've previously had problems orrrrr...Are you prone to overthinking and worrying about lots of things?

It's a common symptom of general anxiety and if you've been through a lot I wouldn't be surprised. Kindly though, it sounds like you're catastrophising.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/04/2022 22:56

What a mess.

AfterSchoolWorry · 12/04/2022 22:58

I can't make head nor tail of your post.

Flickflak · 12/04/2022 23:00

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Glamora · 12/04/2022 23:04

What???

ladydimitrescu · 12/04/2022 23:12

It's really odd and controlling that you insisted on seeing the messages- he told you he'd apologise, why did he need to forward them? Why do you need to know every detail of what was said? You shouldn't have got drunk and barraged his SIL about his ex. You are absolutely unreasonable here!

spotcheck · 12/04/2022 23:14

I'm in.
I'm desperate to know what discount contacts is...

Cocomarine · 12/04/2022 23:20

Discount contracts. Not contacts!

My bet is that his sister works somewhere that she can use a Friends & Family type discount on a mobile phone contract.

Years ago I had a Vodafone business contract, and if friends gave that number they got 10% off their contract.