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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband just bought son a switch lite with no discussion

77 replies

Dramateacher1 · 12/04/2022 18:45

Hi,
My husband went out with my son today and bought a £239 switch lite for him. This has come out of our joint savings. We had previously discussed getting one for previous Christmas or birthday but decided against it. We also discussed getting one for taking on holiday in the summer. On discussing it previously I said we should get the proper switch as we could play it together, my husband preferred the switch lite as its handheld. We never reached an agreement. I am annoyed he bought it, he thinks I am being unreasonable. I think a purchase like that should be discussed and bought for an occasion, not just on a random Tuesday. We can afford it, but it’s £200 pounds I’d rather spend on something else. Son has not asked for it.

OP posts:
Rosebuud · 12/04/2022 22:17

@AllKnowingGerbil

How ridiculous. A xmas-level present at a random time definitely needs discussion. Its worse that your ds doesn't sound bothered about it too. What a waste of money.
What’s a Xmas level present? Who comes up with these random rules.

They can afford it and he randomly treated his own child. Good for him. It doesn’t need discussion, I’m sure he contributes to the pot.

Why are sone people so appalled about treating your child like this. It’s a wonderful thing to do and I hope the little boy has a lot of fun with it with his father, and his mother doesn’t make it something he associates with bad feelings and arguments, although I suspect that ship has sailed.

bellac11 · 12/04/2022 22:20

Im also just wondering while I think about this how it would be responded to if OP had said that she bought the device and when she got home her husband told her she bought the wrong game, shouldnt have bought it without his agreement, the he was irritated with her as they had discussed it and he never agreed to her buying it but she thought it was about time her son had it and now she feels so bad about it because the husband made such a fuss that she feels like she needs to see if she can get a refund.

Dailyfailcanfeckoff · 12/04/2022 22:29

@bellac11

Im also just wondering while I think about this how it would be responded to if OP had said that she bought the device and when she got home her husband told her she bought the wrong game, shouldnt have bought it without his agreement, the he was irritated with her as they had discussed it and he never agreed to her buying it but she thought it was about time her son had it and now she feels so bad about it because the husband made such a fuss that she feels like she needs to see if she can get a refund.
It would be labelled controlling behaviour and the whole marriage questioned …
sweetbambi · 12/04/2022 22:31

depending on the age the lite could actually be easier to hold as handheld then the bigger one. I have smaller hands and have noticed that after longer game time the lite is much easier as a handheld. it really depends on if it will spend more time being docked to the tv, if you have a lot of multiplayer games you want to play, and the age of the child.

ExtraOnion · 12/04/2022 22:42

I don’t run ever purchase for my daughter past my husband - why would I, not everything has to be a joint decision

tttigress · 12/04/2022 23:24

Is 6 a bit young?

In my experience you don't want to relent to gaming until they (almost) literally nag you to death the get a Switch/Xbox/PlayStation.

tttigress · 12/04/2022 23:25

PS the "normal" switch is actually pretty big, it's only really hand held for an adult.

tttigress · 12/04/2022 23:28

PPS, could it be your husband wants one more than your son?!

MushroomQueen · 12/04/2022 23:30

Ridiculous man the switch is called the switch as you switch between handheld and on big screen. It's far better than the lite. He's a knob for doing this without discussion

Step1234 · 12/04/2022 23:30

He should have got the proper one. It's great for playing together, me and my kids love it. What a waste.

DyingForACuppa · 13/04/2022 07:24

@bellac11

Perhaps your husband would be pissed off that you kept disregarding what he wanted too

If two people differ, one of the outcomes is going to upset the other.

That's really not how healthy adult relationships work. If two partners disagree it's not 'whoever forces their way on the other first wins', you discuss and come to an agreement (probably both compromising).

If the OP had run out and bought the one she wanted she would have been just as unreasonable, but she didn't, presumably because she thought her husband would show her the same respect and want a consensus before acting.

Posters saying they wouldn't care if their DH bought a preset are missing the point that the OP had talked about this with her partner do he did know she would care!

Original poster
Dramateacher1 · 13/04/2022 07:33

Thanks for all your feedback. It’s my first post on AIBU and good to see a range of opinions. I’m still pissed off, but the previous posters comments about not sucking the joy out of it for my son has resonated with me.

OP posts:
EarPlugAfficionado · 13/04/2022 07:33

I paid £2000 for a dog without my dhpermission oops

Didiplanthis · 13/04/2022 07:35

@EarPlugAfficionado

I paid £2000 for a dog without my dhpermission oops
Me too 😁
Didiplanthis · 13/04/2022 07:39

Also switch lites have a very different function to switches. I am eternally grateful for the single player function as I have zero interest in being nagged to play minecraft.... I bought lites specifically so my twins played separately and didn't spend the whole time screaming at each other.... they now sit in the same chair watching each other play.. and screaming at each other 🤯

choccohoopz · 13/04/2022 07:48

I'd be annoyed he spent the joint money and is now the wonderful Dad who bought his lucky son such a good present. Maybe it's petty, but we give big presents jointly as I'm always the bad guy so like hell is he getting the chilled good guy status and being the big gift giver!

I wonder if OP is always the "nag" and is maybe a little frustrated that the good guy spent their money on something that could have made her feel like a bit of a good guy for once.

Or maybe I'm projecting Grin

Rosebuud · 13/04/2022 08:37

@choccohoopz

I'd be annoyed he spent the joint money and is now the wonderful Dad who bought his lucky son such a good present. Maybe it's petty, but we give big presents jointly as I'm always the bad guy so like hell is he getting the chilled good guy status and being the big gift giver!

I wonder if OP is always the "nag" and is maybe a little frustrated that the good guy spent their money on something that could have made her feel like a bit of a good guy for once.

Or maybe I'm projecting Grin

Ya know you could take the lead and do something nice..you don’t need to be the bad guy and object if he does something nice.
Indoctro · 13/04/2022 09:37

I agree switch lites are suitable handhelds for young kids, my kids wanted a switch but when they had a shot of it it was too heavy and clumpy. They are only handheld for adults. Lites are better for kids.

Be happy for your son Smile and you can buy the switch for his Xmas and everyone can then play that.

SevenWaystoLeave · 13/04/2022 09:44

YANBU, he should have brought the proper Switch, they're both handheld but the proper one has some more options and isn't that much more expensive if you're going to spend the money anyway.

sweetbambi · 13/04/2022 10:21

@24tttigress in moderation gaming is no more harmful then watching TV or many other activities. especially with the games these days there is quite a lot of strategy and puzzle games too that are good for keeping the mind active.

EmpressCixi · 13/04/2022 10:43

I’d be annoyed too but you’re wrong to say it was bought “with no discussion” as the reality is there has been lots of discussion. And you had agreed to buying it in principle, you were only disagreeing on when to buy it. You wanted it for birthday/Xmas, he for upcoming plane trip. So perhaps he was tired of all the arguing over when to buy it? I can see his point of view in this too. So, I’d be annoyed too but not enough to argue about it or push to have it returned or anything. This is a fight I’d choose not to have. It doesn’t really matter in long run when it was bought, you’d agreed to buying it in principle.

bellac11 · 13/04/2022 11:40

Compromise is not always possible. This situation would be one of those times

partner A wants to buy an item
partner B does not want to by the item

If the item gets bought then partner A is happy but partner B is unhappy and vice versa.

10HailMarys · 13/04/2022 12:34

If you can afford £200, and you were going to get it for your son at some point anyway (which you had discussed) then it isn't that big a deal, for me. In your shoes I might be mildly irritated because I personally tend to feel that a 'big' thing like that should be a Christmas/birthday present so the child has a better understanding of the general value of things and of what is a huge treat as opposed to a casual purchase. But it would be more of a weary sigh response from me than a post-on-AIBU response.

Like other PPs, I also strongly suspect that your husband quite fancies the idea of having a Switch for himself and that this is a little bit of wish fulfilment - but actually that makes it a lot more reasonable for him to buy it, in my eyes, as he'll get as much use out of it as DS will and it makes the expenditure better value.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 13/04/2022 12:42

Can you download games onto them or does he now need to go out and buy more games?

BadLad · 13/04/2022 15:19

@EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall

Can you download games onto them or does he now need to go out and buy more games?
You can download games onto Switches. Almost none are free, although there are always sales and games are sometimes up to 90% off the RRP.