AIBU regarding inheritance?

[DeedlessIndeed]

Okay, so I'll preface by saying I don't think IABU, however I want a reality check from a non-emotive standpoint. I am also no-one of the people mentioned, but am aware of the situation.

Grandparent A has passed away. They left money to their biological children and biological grandchildren. This includes property and cash, the total of which is just shy of £1mil.

One of A's children - Bob - has a child from way back, and two step children.

The grandchild is unaware of the full extent of the will. They were close with their grandparent, however were not kept in the loop regarding the money side of things.

Bob is fully aware of the detail of his parent's will and the total of the cash assets. Despite Bob's parent passing away well over a year ago, he has not informed his first child who is now an adult in their mid-thirties.

Previously, Bob has withheld money left specifically to his first child when his other parent passed away. This was eventually revealed years after the death when Bob's sibling mentioned it in passing to the child, believing that the money had been passed on. The child was a young adult at the time, and didn't feel able to confront Bob, so the whole thing was brushed under the carpet.

So - here is my AIBU. Should I tell the child that Grandparent included them in the will. Bob and their child's relationship has massively improved in recent years after being not very present in each others lives when the child was younger, but this would put a massive cat amongst the pigeons.

Or should I keep my beak out, I am unrelated to the family and it is not any of my business?

I am more tempted by the first option and am pretty angry about Bob's handling of the situation!

While I fully agree with Bob is a knob, can I offer a third option? Tell Bob you will be notifying the grandchild by X date if he hasn't yet (or for a less confrontational approach, mention you'll be speaking to said grandchild and it will be nice to hear what he/she is planning to do with the money. That ought to spur him into action).

Not to protect Bob, but to avoid damaging the relationship between them if there is a genuine reason they haven't been notified yet.

Find the will then tell the child.

Yes, tell them. They have a right to know. Bob is a c and a dirty thief! Stealing from his own dc.
Inheritance really does bring the worst out of people. This is a worldwide thing too. My family abroad were awful after the passing of my uncle.

If you don't want to get involved too much, I'd be obtaining a copy of the will and popping an anonymous copy through the post to Bob's child.

It's nothing more than pure theft if Bob's child doesn't receive the inheritance they're entitled to.

I'm assuming no solicitor is involved with the probate as ordinarily they would write to each of the recipients to keep them up to date with the status of the Will and to obtain their bank details for payments. If there is a solicitor involved I suspect Bob has given false details to them too...

I agree with the understatement of the thread - Bob is a knob and his child needs to know just how much...

@Soontobe60 thank you for this link. I will get access to the will so I have the paperwork to back me up.

@WhereIsThisGoing - I appreciate this alternate opinion. Right now I don't want to let Bob off the hook. Frankly, I am disgusted at the situation which is perhaps clouding my judgment. I want Bob to be shown for what he is - the kind of man who tries to steal from his dead parents and child.

However, I can see that perhaps it is kinder to the child to give Bob a chance to preserve the relationship. It has taken so long to establish.
In a way Bob's child idolises him, despite knowing how Bob behaved when it came to the inheritance last time.

I'm wary that letting everything blow up will cause the most harm to the person I am trying to protect in all of this.

Everyone named in the will should be told, and the executors are failing in their duty if they don’t make sure the wishes of the will are properly carried out.

Bob is a knob, but more to the point he is acting illegally.

Do you know Bob?

I think you need to tell Bob that he is acting illegally and it is a really serious matter. Suggest he puts it right when the money from the house is sold.

@CarmenThePanda I do know Bob, although not particularly well and we are not close as I am connected to the family, but not on Bob's side.

I don't think Bob would appreciate the fact that I have this information and, very selfishly, I am worried about causing trouble within my side of things, as well as his.

Tell grandchild.

Or are you able to contact any of Bob's siblings who is also an executor ? Be clear you don't think Bob's child who is mentioned knows about it yet, and obviously its illegal for them not to inherit now the house is sold etc.

Bob's a thieving b**tard, I would definitely tell his child. To steal from your child not once, but potentially twice? Not on. His child deserves to know what kind of person Bob really is so they can decide what kind of relationship they want with him. The truth is the kindest option here for the child who has been left something in a will.

Also: get a copy of the will to the child if you can (if you cannot send anonymously, speak to the solicitor and ask if they can post a copy to the child in question).

I'd tell everyone who knew bob about it!

FIL tried to do this. I got a copy of the will directly and blew it out of the water. None of them have ever spoken to me again but I don't give a shit.

The will is a public document so yes, send a copy to the grandchild asap.

You should highlight their name in the will.

Meet the grandchild socially and mention it in passing as if you are assuming that they have received or are about to receive their share. You couldn't possibly have known that Bob would be willing to misappropriate the grandparents' assets in their role as executor... Of course if there is evidence that it was done for personal gain, then it would be fraud and potentially criminal.

@DeedlessIndeed

Grandchild is mentioned in the will by name, along with 2 other cousins.

The sale of the property was completed this last month. Would it be standard to wait to notify the grandchild until after this? (Just thinking of possible valid reasons why grandchild has not been informed).

There is a backstory as to why the grandchild is slightly kept out of the fold due to an acrimonious divorce and no contact for a number of years. The relationship with the grandparents were not affected by this though.

Why on earth wait until Bob the Nob has spent the money?

Its theft. There are very strict rules for executors? What's happening with the cousins?
A quick solicitors letter from his DC, will suddenly wake Bob up to his responsibilities. Plus I think the DC can apply for copy of the will and probate. Executor is legally obliged to inform beneficiaries and send them a copy of the will.

Are you a beneficiary? Wonder if you could send an email to Bob and cc all the others along the lines of ‘thought this might be an easier way for you to send updates on the execution of the will’ or something like that?

Your point about preserving their relationship, though. It’s not a real relationship, is it, if Bob is withholding inheritance from his child, however nicely he behaves towards them when in their company.

I say tell them! They deserve to know.

@RestingPandaFace

Who is the executor? They should be contacting everyone and telling them.

This.

Bob is not performing his role as executor if he doesn't contact the child. Why have his siblings not challenged this?

Have you got any way of contacting the siblings/child to flag up that this has not been communicated as it should?

@fabulousathome

The will is a public document so yes, send a copy to the grandchild asap.

You should highlight their name in the will.

I would 100% do this.

You don't want to be complicit in Bob's theft in any way. What a wanker.

To my knowledge, the executors are Bob and Bob's sibling jointly

I thought you'd probably say that but yes, I'd definitely tell the supposed beneficiary

He relationship between Bob and his DC is good on the surface but Bob still feels he can lie to said DC so I would absolutely do his DC a favour and tell them. If Bob loves this DC he'll give them money and his feelings won't be affected. If they are, then his DC is better off without Bob in their life.

Bob is not performing his role as executor if he doesn't contact the child. Why have his siblings not challenged this?

@Octomore - there is a feeling in the family that Bob will look after Bob's side and Bob's sibling will look after their side. There is drama and history on each side which means each side has to tread carefully. Neither side want to look too closely at what the others are doing as they don't want the light shone onto their circumstances, iyswim?

I would tell the young man immediately actually. His dad has had the will long enough to tell him and if he hasn't told him so far then I doubt he will do. I would just say to him oh what are you going to do with your grandad's money? To be honest, I hope he spend some of it on a solicitor to figure out the other will. His father is appalling.