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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friends group brag about sex lives !!??

62 replies

User112 · 12/04/2022 08:16

I have a group of friends who I met through a hobby last year. I’ve been on a few pub evenings and a couple of restaurants with them. I also went shopping with them a few times. Fun bunch, and there is always a lot to chat about. We are all late 30s.
So one weekend, they all had a sleepover as the friends DH was going away on a business trip. I was invited, but couldn’t go. I heard they had a ‘wild’ time and they watched porn. WTF !??

Something changed ever since. Every conversation leads to discussions about sex lives. Discussing things in detail, sharing “tips” and even bragging! it makes me very uncomfortable 😳

Does anyone else do this !?

OP posts:
pitterpatterrain · 12/04/2022 08:17

Ick

Dailywalk · 12/04/2022 08:23

No this is weird. Sleepover sounds odd!

HeDidWhattt · 12/04/2022 08:27

Sounds like it was an orgy….looks like you missed out 😂

Are these friends guys and women? Or just women?

ItsPrettyObvious · 12/04/2022 08:29

Late teens early 20s yes but now late 30s no. I wouldn't disrespect my partner and we don't want to know about each others sex lives anyway! Pretty immature

GrapesThatThrive · 12/04/2022 08:31

I have no friendship groups like that and wouldn't be remotely impressed. Absolute weirdos Confused

SafelySoftly · 12/04/2022 08:31

Presuming they’re all consenting adults what’s the issue? Sounds like you’re not comfortable with this so just move on. No need to judge.

Lindy2 · 12/04/2022 08:34

I'd find that totally grim.

Duracellbunnywannabe · 12/04/2022 08:36

A sleepover? Are they 17?

Strugglingtodomybest · 12/04/2022 08:37

If it's making you uncomfortable you could either tell them so, or vote with your feet.

It sounds to me like they have bonded over watching porn together and now have a much more open, honest friendship with regards to sex. If this is not the sort of friendship you enjoy then you need to leave them to it.

Original poster
User112 · 12/04/2022 08:38

All women. Definitely no orgy, they were just drunk I guess.

Our partners/husbands know each other too. They meet with families a couple of times a year to celebrate milestone birthdays etc. we’ve been to one party recently and met all their spouses/bfs/ partners.

OP posts:
Phewthemutinyworked · 12/04/2022 08:48

I am very open minded and chat with my friends about everything but sex is definitely not in my top 100 of subjects !
Seems a bit tacky IMHO .

Heythere13 · 12/04/2022 08:52

Sleepover?

I’d been gradually withdrawing myself from this group

Unlikely I would have actually been friends with them in the first place tbh

AngelinaFibres · 12/04/2022 08:53

You can be friends with them during the time you are doing the hobby. If you enjoy the brunch stuff then go. If the conversations aren't about things you feel comfortable with,and you can't steer it to something else, then drop out of those events . People talking about their sex lives is grim. My mother always said "People who are talking about it are rarely doing it '. She had no evidence for that but its a thought.

RaspberryChouxBuns · 12/04/2022 08:57

Are they the sex people Lynn?

SleeplessInEngland · 12/04/2022 08:58

I think sex is fine to talk about (assuming, I guess, that your partners don't mind), but having a group sleepover at that age is... strange? Do they all live far from each other?

IAMGE · 12/04/2022 08:59

Is this for real?

FloraPostePosts · 12/04/2022 09:00

This sounds incredibly juvenile, and I would be rowing back to just being friendly during the activity, and maybe the odd social around it when I liked the idea of the venue or whatever.

You can be friendly while doing something in which you have a shared interest, without needing to be BFFs. I have three distinct groups of people with whom I spend time, but only one of them am I really close to and would choose to rely on them if I needed help or support. There’s room for lots of different types and depths of friendship.

Watchkeys · 12/04/2022 09:00

It's up to them. If you don't like it, pull away. Just because you think it's weird, it doesn't mean they're doing anything wrong. It just means that you personally find it uncomfortable to be around them. You don't have to be around them though.

SwanBuster · 12/04/2022 09:05

Depends. They all might seem comfortable about it - and they may well be. It could be that others in the group are participating because they feel that’s now the dynamic.

I guess you missing out on the party meant you missed how this shift in the tone happened.

If you are not ok with it - don’t participate. But I wouldn’t judge and if you like them otherwise - see if you adjust or they all settle down.

I don’t see anything wrong with it - why should it be off limits to talk about if they are all fine with it?

TulipsGarden · 12/04/2022 09:08

Grown women with their own houses having a sleepover sounds... unlikely.

SilkenBunny · 12/04/2022 09:15

I'm mid forties. My friends and I don't really talk about our sex lives. However, while jn my mid to late thirties I remember talking about sex quite openly with friends from time to time. Looking back I really cringe about it and I really hope they didn't judge me too much!

We might make the odd 'ooar' innuendo nowadays but that's as far as it goes. I guess if I was single and out there having a bit of no-strings fun I might chat to a close friend about any 'exploits' if I felt my friend was ok with it. However, being married I do feel as if what Dh and I get up to in the bedroom is between us and nobody else.

If these friends are starting to make you feel uncomfortable op, there's absolutely nothing wrong in pulling back from the friendship group. At the same time if they want to talk candidly about sex that is of course up to them, and it would probably be better for them not to have you around if it makes you uncomfortable. I mean that nicely!

MeridasMum · 12/04/2022 09:17

Yes I'd assume they are swingers or tentatively pushing boundaries to see if anyone else is up for it.

If that's your thing, enjoy. If not, I'd be withdrawing from the group.

Lalliella · 12/04/2022 09:38

Yikes! What’s the hobby OP?

Beautiful3 · 12/04/2022 09:42

Eww. I'm open minded but its disrespectful to talk about your private sex lives to a group, as if its nothing/meaningless/just something to say. It's private and special. I'd hate it, if my husband was doing this with his mates. It's gross. Don't your friends have anything else to talk about?! Part of me wonders if the reason they're discussing it so.much, is because they're not getting any! I had a friend who spoke about wild sex, when in fact she hadn't at all! I'd give them a swerve from now on.

Ponoka7 · 12/04/2022 09:44

A group sleepover is just an organised, adult version of getting too pissed and passing out on a mates couch. It's also a cheap version of booking a party pad/cottage to all get drunk in and not have to travel home. The sex chat is a bit strange. I've discussed sex in my 30's, when we were single and 'pulling', but not in the way I think that you are describing and watching porn is weird.