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Original poster

Friends group brag about sex lives !!??

62 replies

User112 · 12/04/2022 08:16

I have a group of friends who I met through a hobby last year. I’ve been on a few pub evenings and a couple of restaurants with them. I also went shopping with them a few times. Fun bunch, and there is always a lot to chat about. We are all late 30s.
So one weekend, they all had a sleepover as the friends DH was going away on a business trip. I was invited, but couldn’t go. I heard they had a ‘wild’ time and they watched porn. WTF !??

Something changed ever since. Every conversation leads to discussions about sex lives. Discussing things in detail, sharing “tips” and even bragging! it makes me very uncomfortable 😳

Does anyone else do this !?

OP posts:
LemonMuffins · 12/04/2022 09:50

When we were young shagabouts we used to talk about everything. We're all naturally more discreet as we've aged/married, but would still discuss if one of us was worried about something. We never had sleepovers and didn't watch porn together Confused

Josette77 · 12/04/2022 09:57

I would not watch porn together, but I actually think a group sleep over sounds fun!!!
I am comfortable talking about sex, but you're not and I would oul back if I were you.

housemaus · 12/04/2022 10:16

The sleepover thing isn't weird, I often go for a sleepover at my best friend's when her husbands away (and when he's not!).

I'd talk about sex with my friends before I was married - when dating people etc. I guess as kind of a proxy for how well the dating was going - good/bad sex changed the likelihood of whether I'd keep seeing them?

But I probably wouldn't now unless something unusual had happened that we'd discussed in conversation in the past... I don't know an example, like if we'd gone to a Killing Kittens party or something haha. Or if something had happened I was concerned about. I remember one friend telling us about her sex life in pregnancy/post-baby cos none of the rest of us have children and we were interested, that kind of thing?

I don't think it's that weird though.

lemongreentea · 12/04/2022 10:18

GrimEnvy. Not envy.

Keithlovessmash · 12/04/2022 10:21

Oh God no.

I’ve only ever experienced that once, I was with a group of women I sort of knew (playgroup mum friends), and one was saying she wasn’t feeling too great, but had just changed contraceptive pill - just an offhand comment and usually that would be the end and it would move on.

Anyway, so another one piped up, “well, we used the withdrawal method” and started going on and on about it, even when someone else tried to steer the conversation, and kept coming back to it and what positions were easier for her dh to finish off safely.

I swear to God, I could never look her husband in the eye again without thinking of that Ricky Gervais joke about coming out a window.

Vsirbdo · 12/04/2022 10:22

Me and my friends might make jokes about our sex lives but we don’t talk details and ever since we’ve started serious relationships we don’t as if I’m going to spend an evening with them and their partners then I don’t really want to know about their sex life.

Keithlovessmash · 12/04/2022 10:23

And I would rather shag Boris than watch porn with a group of friends - that’s just fucking odd.

Keithlovessmash · 12/04/2022 10:24

@RaspberryChouxBuns

Are they the sex people Lynn?
I’ll get you an egg in a bap to calm down, Alan.
ScrollingLeaves · 12/04/2022 10:30

SafelySoftley
No need to judge.
Why not?

Original poster
User112 · 12/04/2022 10:37

MThey weren’t like this when it all started. When we meet in the hobby setting, it’s all ok. When I meet some of these women individually, it’s okay too. When 3-4 of them get together, it inevitably leads to discussion about sex. I just keep quiet, but they poke me laughing “Lizzy never tells anything” wtf, my husband will divorce me if I do that (I’d do the same if he did too)

OP posts:
Octomore · 12/04/2022 10:39

This is weird and childish in a group who are late-30s. It's also weird given that they were talking about long-term partners (as opposed to flings/one night stands). I would find it very disrespectful if my DH discussed our sex life with other people, and vice-versa.

Original poster
User112 · 12/04/2022 10:41

I’m thinking it’s the late 30s hormonal surge !??

OP posts:
Original poster
User112 · 12/04/2022 10:42

@Keithlovessmash

And I would rather shag Boris than watch porn with a group of friends - that’s just fucking odd.
ROFL 🤣 but 100% agree! CRINGE !
OP posts:
WhatAHexIGotInto · 12/04/2022 10:43

A 'sleepover'? In their late 30's? Watching porn? So odd.

I never understand why people feel the need to discuss their sex lives with anyone other than the person they're actually having sex with. Each to their own and all that, but it all seems a bit weird to me.

JauntyJinty · 12/04/2022 10:44

Have you noticed if there's 1 person that semes to steer the converstaion that way? Just wondering really I have no advice to offer if it is!

RE the sleepover thing - It's my friends birthday in a few weeks - a bunch of us are going to her house and will sleep there as she has the space, it'll save on cabs and we can deal with our hangovers without having to deal with the kids - I wouldn't have used the term "sleep over" but I guess that's what it is - doesn't seem that odd to me frineds would stay at each other houses overnight!

DogsAndGin · 12/04/2022 10:45

Gross

HollowTalk · 12/04/2022 10:52

@Lalliella

Yikes! What’s the hobby OP?
Dogging.
worriedatthistime · 12/04/2022 10:55

@SafelySoftly but it wouldn't be Mumsnet to not judge everyone else

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 12/04/2022 10:58

Sounds dodgy, OP, I'd keep out of it...

worriedatthistime · 12/04/2022 10:58

Its using the word sleepover that makes it seem weird
Im having a sleepover at my mates next week and I am in my 40's
The reality is we will have a glass or 2 of wine and i will stay over as a taxi is a lot of money and I don't drink and drive

Cocycola · 12/04/2022 10:59

Ewww I would feel same as you. A bit of sex talk among friends is ok but this sounds way ott and awful! I always think anyone who shares too much information about their sex life, or appears to brag about it, has insecurities. It is almost like back in the high school playground, the "look at me I have had sex" mentality.

Is there one if the group most likely to be like this? If so, it usually comes from one person and the rest follow, especially if they didn't do this before. If they continue with this, I'd either say something or if you prefer not to which is understandable, distance myself from them. Although I know that will feel upsetting if you enjoyed their company before. Maybe they will stop it soon, or someone else in the group might secretly feel the same as you and eventually speak out? I hope so for your sake.

worriedatthistime · 12/04/2022 11:00

Just don't be friends with them and socialise , rather than judge them all
Make friends with other people

worriedatthistime · 12/04/2022 11:02

@JauntyJinty yes noticed that too and re: sleepover I wonder if that's op word to describe where as the others were yes just crash at mine , save money on cabs etc
Also watched porn could of been watched a raunchy film like 50 shades or something

incognitoforthisone · 12/04/2022 11:02

There's no right or wrong here; it's just down to what different people are comfortable. They're not being unreasonable to chat about their sex lives and you're not being unreasonable to find it awkward. They're obviously not going to change their behaviour (and nor should they feel they have to) so I think you need to decide whether it's a big enough problem for you to reduce the level of your friendship with them.

worriedatthistime · 12/04/2022 11:04

@ScrollingLeaves because why judge ? If their not your sort of people move on
People who make judgements generally look down on those who don't confirm to how they live
We are all different , we can all live different lives , we don't have to judge so much