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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think everybody had regrets?

73 replies

Sarahp67 · 11/04/2022 21:42

Is there anything you regret massively? Anything you would have done differently that plays on your mind?

OP posts:

Longcovid21 · 12/04/2022 16:11

Spent less and saved more
Bought big classy things rather than lots of small cheap things. But other than that, no. I did a a big major move which was massive and difficult and isolating. But I don't regret it as such.

Kolani · 12/04/2022 16:14

I wish I had re taken my A'Levels and gone to a better university.
I wish I had trained to become a nurse instead of studying I.T

gingerhills · 12/04/2022 16:19

I regret one thing I did and one thing I said. If I could undo both, I would.

And I do have a fantasy of my first day at uni, knowing then what I know now. I'd have worked a lot harder. Still did OK, but just missed out on too much academic stuff because I was so much in the party mindset. But it probably wouldn't have made a huge difference to my life long term.

killwithkindness · 12/04/2022 16:31

I regret treating my 20s as a time to just get high and have a wild time. Made some silly mistakes, was an awful friend and girlfriend and didn't get a great education/job.

BUT I try not to think of it as regret and just more like experiences that I'll learn from.

I'm now 28 and so happy with my DP and DD. So it is what it is and I won't dwell too much x

over2021 · 12/04/2022 16:39

Not really, I wish things had been different obviously- wish I'd not gone out with stupid men, wish I'd waited longer before getting married, wish I'd not left a job but they're not regrets because at the time they were the right decisions/choices. Hindsight is a wonderful thing!

Gowithme · 12/04/2022 16:48

I regret getting married and having a baby with someone who some how forget to mention that they had no interest in me.

Butfirstcoffees · 12/04/2022 16:55

Until recently, no. I don't even regret my bad marriage because of my kids and where I am now.

But I do regret that one Sunday last November I was having breakfast with Mum and Dad. It started snowing and i rushed out as its a bit of drive home. I can't remember if I kissed my mum and dad. Can't remember if I told them I loved them. I was seeing them the next Sunday so it was fine. 3 days later Mum collapsed and died. I did speak to her on the phone that morning, though.

I regret I didn't hug her tightly. I regret that the last time I saw her I can't remember my last words to her face to face. I don't remember if I told her I loved her.

It eats away at me.

Lunalae · 12/04/2022 17:32

No. I gave all my choices plenty of thought and am happy with each choice. It was the right choice at the time and none of them ever changed.

YingMei · 12/04/2022 17:33

I think most people regret something.
I regret doing an arts degree - it was a good uni but it's not been a helpful thing to have.
I regret not having had a third child a while ago. I'm too tired to go again now!

strivingtosucceed · 12/04/2022 18:11

I recognise the growth some of the bad events allowed me to have, so I don't really regret those. Some things I do regret are:

-Not ending the worst relationships earlier. I don't deny I learned some things, but I didn't have to allow them to drag on until I was devastated and a shell of myself.

not taking my mental health seriously when I was younger. I have a feeling I would have been diagnosed for what I suspect is ADHD now, but it would I have also meant I got some help for my self harm & eating disorders before it got to that.
allowing my friends to drift away. I got so focused on my 2 groups of friends that I didn't care about keeping in touch with others. One group is still intact thankfully, but the other group has fallen away and only 2 of us are left.

SallyWD · 12/04/2022 18:25

Not big things but little things like the many nights I got drunk and lost all dignity. I spent 9 years in a bad relationship (it was only really bad the last couple of years) but I don't even regret that as it lead to meeting my now husband. If I could do things differently I'd have studied harder at school and thought more about career options. That's the only thing I'd change.

WindyKnickers · 12/04/2022 18:30

Not really. Maybe I wish I'd been more motivated to progress in my career but not hugely.

Mumofloulou21 · 12/04/2022 20:42

Spent less and saved more!

gingerhills · 13/04/2022 15:26

@killwithkindness

I regret treating my 20s as a time to just get high and have a wild time. Made some silly mistakes, was an awful friend and girlfriend and didn't get a great education/job.

BUT I try not to think of it as regret and just more like experiences that I'll learn from.

I'm now 28 and so happy with my DP and DD. So it is what it is and I won't dwell too much x

I'm in my late fifties and honestly, I think over the course of a life time, you come around to not regretting having been wild in your twenties. You have the rest of your life - decades of it - to be sensible and careful and wise. If you don't go wild in your twenties, when can you? Far better that than being out of control in your fifties!

MayMorris · 13/04/2022 15:40

I don’t have regrets…I’ve done things that I’m ashamed of or missed opportunities because I took a different decision…but I feel regret is a wasted emotion.it just holds you in time thinking I wish that hadn’t happened instead of either making peace with a crap action, resolving things that you’re ashamed of ( eg apologising and taking responsibility), or learning from mistakes.
I choose to do what I did. I know I’d have thought about it at the time and thought I’d done the right thing, or maybe responded in the moment in a way I thought was justified and fair. Hindsight is great to look back and say I wish that didn’t happen. None of us can change anything as a result of hindsight. Regret is an a emotion driven by hindsight

Madre123 · 13/04/2022 15:43

Having children young and not going to university...feel as though I have wasted my life

DyingForACuppa · 13/04/2022 15:45

All the horrible things have led me to this place in my life and I like it here.

This. When I've been unhappy I've looked back at my life with regrets, but now I'm happy even the bad stuff is just the path I took to get here and I don't really regret it.

Having regrets is more about where you are now than what you did in the past, and where you are now can be changed.

DressingPafe · 13/04/2022 15:52

Everything in my life made me who I am and brought me to where I am now, so I can’t say I regret anything. If I went back in time would I change some things? Maybe. But time travel isn’t possible so no point dwelling on it!

After many many years of practice I have learnt to let go of nearly every single negative emotion. Which brings a lot of peace.

babyjellyfish · 13/04/2022 16:10

I kind of regret not becoming a doctor.

But my whole life would be different to how it is now, and I like my life.

GoodWithCats · 13/04/2022 16:11

I wish I'd had therapy sooner.

gwenneh · 13/04/2022 16:14

Anything that I might regret led directly to things that I very certainly do not, so no, I don't have regrets.

Missed opportunities led to other opportunities.
Bad decisions led to better ones.
The things I learned doing things I should not have done became the basis for doing the things that I should.

notanothertakeaway · 13/04/2022 16:17

I think it's natural to wonder "what if I'd done X?" and wonder how life might have turned out

But regrets? Not really. I'm happy with my life, although there have been bumps along the road eg I previously hated my job, but changed direction and love my current role. In the past I was single and lonely. Now happily married. And very appreciative of my current good fortune, possibly even more so, as I don't take it for granted

Cazalet · 13/04/2022 16:18

I regret frittering away an inheritance I was given when I was 23 (£15k) and one job I took when my old boss persuaded me to jump ship, it wasn’t a disaster but overall not a good decision (with hindsight). Personal life has been good generally. Overall I consider myself lucky - so far.

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