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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think everybody had regrets?

73 replies

Sarahp67 · 11/04/2022 21:42

Is there anything you regret massively? Anything you would have done differently that plays on your mind?

OP posts:
Natty13 · 11/04/2022 22:57

@riotlady

Don’t hate me but not really! I’ve had lots of bad things happen but eg. If I hadn’t had a mental breakdown and dropped out of uni, I wouldn’t have moved to my current area and if I hadn’t moved here I wouldn’t have met my DH and had my DD. All the horrible things have led me to this place in my life and I like it here.
Same with me. Things I've done and things that have happened to me have made me who and where I am so I'm glad.

Even now when something difficult happens I just think "I will learn and/or grow from this and im grateful for the opportunity even if I can't see it right now"

TheDogsMother · 11/04/2022 23:03

@riotlady

Don’t hate me but not really! I’ve had lots of bad things happen but eg. If I hadn’t had a mental breakdown and dropped out of uni, I wouldn’t have moved to my current area and if I hadn’t moved here I wouldn’t have met my DH and had my DD. All the horrible things have led me to this place in my life and I like it here.
I really agree with your sentiment. This is me too.
Blinkingbatshit · 11/04/2022 23:04

So, so many😔

Kite22 · 11/04/2022 23:11

No, not really.

I agree with @Hunderland about knowing I made the best decisions I could, with the knowledge I had, at the time, and you can't ask more than that. I mean, if you start factoring hindsight into the equation then other choices might have been made but, mostly I think that things happen for a reason, as a pp said.

JaceLancs · 11/04/2022 23:22

All the relationships I’ve had - that I have been the one to end it
So wish I’d ended them sooner
Too many sunk costs fallacies - never again

Neverreturntoathread · 11/04/2022 23:28

Yep. In my late teens at a work event, to be polite, I drank the drinks my boss kept buying me. The consequences were life changing.

All this “I regret nothing it all made me the person I am today” stuff isn’t for me. I have chronic pain caused by one stupid night 20 years ago. It’s mild but I regret those drinks a lot.

summerlovin94 · 11/04/2022 23:35

A lot of people tell me I shouldn't, but I regret how I behaved during the worst of my mental health struggles towards others. I regret how I spoke to people, alienated people and although some people in my life were toxic at that time I didn't have to act toxic back to them. I regret the hurt I caused to my now husband too.

I'm in a much better space now and with lots of therapy and reflection have changed for the better, though my struggles will always be with me in some way.

DuesToTheDirt · 11/04/2022 23:37

Sorry to hear that @Neverreturntoathread Flowers

Calandor · 11/04/2022 23:38

Yes. Some bad acts as a teenager. A misspoken rude comment at a funeral that was overheard. Certainly some drunken antics.

Nothing world ending, but things that give me that pang of shame when I remember them.

InterstellarDrifter · 11/04/2022 23:41

Lots of things. Ever since I was a child, people kept trying to put ‘back in the box’. No one could see me for who I really was or in a way who I could’ve been. They told me my dreams were fanciful and I’d be better off following a more conventional path. So I did. It’s only now that I’m older that I recognise my restlessness for what it was.

ToothGrinder · 11/04/2022 23:43

Only about that night at the caravan club in Camber Sands.

But I think even Sinatra himself would also, in such a situation, regardless of what he was bellowing about on stage.

TedMullins · 11/04/2022 23:47

Most of the people I’ve dated! I had bad mental health and made bad decisions. I don’t beat myself up about it, but they were largely grim specimens and I wish I hadn’t bothered

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 11/04/2022 23:48

Only really not buying a house and getting trapped in renting

WanderingFruitWonderer · 11/04/2022 23:50

I regret almost all of my life. It's been a bit of a disaster so far. I'm very prone to regret, and guilt too. I don't relate to the non-regretters at! Flowers for all my fellow regretters, it's agony isn't it...

MardyOldGoth · 11/04/2022 23:54

Wasting six years of my life on a man who was never going to commit (and told me so) because I thought my amazing love would fix him.

Leaving a job instead of going off sick. I went straight into another high-pressured job instead of taking time to recover and now I'm housebound with M.E.

Poor financial management.

Poor self care.

So, everything?

Dancer47 · 11/04/2022 23:56

I regret a relationship that I had back in the late 1990s. it ruined me financially, I ruined my career plans because of it, and it took my confidence away. I lived a hellish life for 3 years before I walked away and it took yeas after that to build a life.

I regret that and regret that I didn;t have the kind of friends that could show me what a bastard he was being and how he ruined me. My friends had long peeled away.

It still haunts me now - what I let him do to me - even though I have been happily married to someone lovely for years now.
He is dead now. He died young. I'm glad I no longer have to look over my shoulder in town in case he is behind me.

One thing I don't regret? I had no children and I'm glad, I didn't as I was a terrible picker of men in my fertile years.

galacticpixels · 12/04/2022 00:01

I've made plenty mistakes and bad decisions over the years but I love where I ended up so I wouldn't change anything.

Maverickess · 12/04/2022 00:07

@summerlovin94

A lot of people tell me I shouldn't, but I regret how I behaved during the worst of my mental health struggles towards others. I regret how I spoke to people, alienated people and although some people in my life were toxic at that time I didn't have to act toxic back to them. I regret the hurt I caused to my now husband too.

I'm in a much better space now and with lots of therapy and reflection have changed for the better, though my struggles will always be with me in some way.

I feel the same with the exception of the husband because I don't have one. I regret how I behaved to and have tried hard to overcome the issues that caused that behaviour, it wasn't all one sided but I regret the self destructive path that I headed down which still has implications now in my life -but- I can see that now because of the changes I've made and the reflection. I think that's the important bit, recognition and responsibility, it may not be my fault as such, but it's been my responsibility to try and change, even a little bit.
CornishTiger · 12/04/2022 00:09

Stopping in the bread aisle to talk to an old school acquaintance and falling for his charm. 16 years of never being the one for him yet being him being everything to me.

He will never appreciate the true love and friendship he had. I’ve unexpectedly blocked him tonight after having had my fill of his bullshit.

SadButTheTruth · 12/04/2022 00:25

There are a few things I’d do differently if I had the chance, but generally I like to make the best of a situation and focus on the positive. It’s usually the happier path in my view.

bathmatandbin · 12/04/2022 00:39

I regret not walking away from my marriage sooner, I bank rolled him for years and he never, ever appreciated what I did....somehow he was always hard-done-by

BridgesofMadisonfan · 12/04/2022 14:49

@CornishTiger

Stopping in the bread aisle to talk to an old school acquaintance and falling for his charm. 16 years of never being the one for him yet being him being everything to me.

He will never appreciate the true love and friendship he had. I’ve unexpectedly blocked him tonight after having had my fill of his bullshit.

That sounds awful. Well done for blocking him.

Have you thought about starting a thread for support so we can help you ?

BridgesofMadisonfan · 12/04/2022 14:50

@CornishTiger that post was meant for you.

EnterFunnyNameHere · 12/04/2022 14:54

Not going home for Easter 2012 which, as it turned out, would have been my last chance to see my mum coherent/alert. I understand why I didn't go, but if I'd had any vague clue she was so close to the end I could have had 4 extra days in her company.

Ponoka7 · 12/04/2022 16:05

Not standing up to my DH and carrying on my education back in the 90's. Not looking after my teeth better.